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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think your DP snoring all the time makes you fall out of love with them a bit...

13 replies

Shiftinglard · 09/07/2012 08:18

Yet another morning feeling like shit, thanks to him harumphing and sawing bloody wood all night.

I don't feel very loving or fancy him much at the moment due to this - it is quite hard to feel loving towards someone who keeps you up all bloody night.

To make matters worse, he has been to the GPs and has been given a spray, which has had moderate success but he doesn't always use it "because it doesn't taste nice".

The only option I have are earplugs, which I really don't like wearing as I always worry I won't hear the kids have a nightmare or something (couldn't really on the deep sleeping snorer to hear them) or the sofa.

AIBU to think it is him who is snoring, so he should be sleeping on the sofa, or at least using his spray from the GP, or even going back to the GP? And is he BU to expect me to feel loving when I am bloody knackered all the time and feel resentful of him!?!?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Shiftinglard · 09/07/2012 08:19

LOL God I sound a bitch, but tiredness + early start for work does that for me......

I also meant to add that I really don't like earplugs and find it difficult to sleep with them in.

OP posts:

WaitingForMe · 09/07/2012 08:21

I'd go off someone who had a solution to a problem that affected me and they refused to use it.

DH "chases rabbits" in his sleep when he gets too hot. I wake him up and make him open a window or move the duvet. I don't think I'd stay in love with him for long if he refused as I'd be exhausted wholly due to his selfishness.

valiumredhead · 09/07/2012 08:33

How old are the kids?

Paiviaso · 09/07/2012 09:04

I could not be with someone who snored.

If, for some reason, my DP developed snoring in later life, he would:

Be sent to the doctor
Be sleeping in a different room

Does your DH know how much of a problem it is? I think if he is not taking his spray, he should be sleeping somewhere else. The couch to start with, but maybe you can sort out a bed somewhere in the house for him?

wonkylegs · 09/07/2012 09:12

My DH is a dr and a prolific snorer (as a dr there is no way he'd go see another about this), he also has dramatic dreams which see him shout out or leap up out of bed.
This is compounded by me being a light sleeper due to painful joints. DS is 4 and a sleep walker and often toddles in and climbs into bed with me for a cuddle (& a headbutt)
After a bad run of nights I do just want to batter DH but I generally I've just resigned myself to it although when he continually complains about being tired it does push me closer to the edge.

KellyElly · 09/07/2012 09:58

Has he tried the nose things that sports men wear? They seem to work. Failing that he can get an operation - my friend's husband did as it was ruining their marriage. I could not deal with it. I'm such a light sleeper. I would go crazy and they would wake up with sore ribs from all the poking and digging I'd be doing during the night :)

SundaeGirl · 09/07/2012 10:09

yanbu I feel your pain

freddiefrog · 09/07/2012 10:14

YANBU! I feel your pain! We also have incessant fidgeting, twitching, bed hogging and duvet stealing in the mix.

I'm a really light sleeper and wake at the sound of a bird farting outside the bedroom window and then take ages to fall asleep again.

Fortunately, we have a spare room I can take myself off to if it gets too bad, but he always gets offended if I've buggered off in the night.

TBH, he can like it or lump it, I refuse to lay awake all night listening to his racket when there's a perfectly good and quieter alternative.

Does he realise how loud he is? I recorded DH on my phone one night as he wouldn't accept he was as bad as he was and was quite surprised when I played it back to him.

Definately kick him out to the sofa - he has 2 choices - sofa or spray!

flamingtoaster · 09/07/2012 10:16

My DH snores incredibly loudly (can't hear the TV if he falls asleep while we are watching it in bed!). I was so sleep deprived I was beginning to feel depressed. We got him an anti snoring ring - we got the silver one with the split in so it's adjustable for comfort. Daft as it sounds it really works - it drastically reduces the volume and amount - and I know immediately if he hasn't put it on. Most of them have a money back guarantee if it doesn't work but our Health Shop told us he'd never had one brought back when we told him a couple of months later that it had worked. It would be worth a try.

Tokamak · 09/07/2012 10:26

DW snores, though not every night. She refused to believe this until I recorded her .

She also has a very weird habit which involves sleeping on her back with the back of her hand on her forehead and her elbow in the air, in a sort of woe-is-me pose, IYSWIM. Periodically her elbow will fall and smack me in the head, or even if it misses me, the jerk it causes wakes me up anyway. She then hoists the elbow back up into the air and the process is repeated all over again. I have no idea how she manages to sleep in this pose, but she's done it all through our being together.

Morloth · 09/07/2012 10:29

I wear earplugs. He has done everything he can about it and he gets up to the kids because I can't hear them.

Bio-ears very comfortable.

JamNan · 09/07/2012 10:29

Insist he goes back to GP and asks to be referred to a sleep clinic. My DH did not believe how AWFUL his snoring and sleep apnea was until they played the video back to him and told him he stopped breathing 137 times throughout the night. He now has a CPAP machine which works very well. He is not an irritable and nasty little shit anymore either.

The 'nose things' don't work in my experience although friends say the operations do. It depends very much on what is causing the snoring.

I feel your pain OP. It is debilitating and dangerous for the snorer and co sleeper. I was so tired I didn't feel confident of driving safely and we were both stressed and argumentative through lack of sleep.

pepperrabbit · 09/07/2012 10:44

My DH used to snore really loudly and did the whole apnea thing, he went to the doctor and was referred to a sleep clinic but didn't go . It was so debilitating being tired all the time and I used earplugs until we had kids, then like others say I worried about not hearing them in the night.
What has made the most massive difference and transformed both our lives is he lost weight. Over about 4 years he's lost pretty much 5 stone.
He only snores now if he's had loads to drink
As a cautionery tale, a close friend of ours had one of those machines for overnight because of his sleep apnea and his wife wore earplugs because of the machine noise.
They did not hear the smoke alarm one night. Thank god one of the kids woke them up because they escaped with the 3 kids, but lost everything. Thatched house. They had their nightclothes and their lives, nothing else.
He's lost weight now too.

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