Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to stop my DD (6yrs) from playing with neighbours DD..........

27 replies

charllie · 08/07/2012 21:45

On Thursday we were outside and my DD was playing with the neighbours DD, this was all lovely, they were having a great time. Her DD said 'mummy, have my nits all gone now' to which her mum smiled and nodded. They carried on playing, getting quite close at times (heads touching) We came inside and her DD came with us. My DD had been telling her how i'd plaited her hair the other day and neighbours DD asked if i could do it to hers. Which was not a problem, so i sat her down and brushed her hair ready. Well, her head was swarming with headlice! There were eggs all over, loads of them and i didn't have to get that close to see them walking around on there. I carried on doing her hair, didn't want to upset her. I didn't say anything to her mother, i mean, she had said she'd done it! You can see so clearly that she's had them for a long time, you wouldn't get that many from just a day or two. I checked my DD's hair today and yes, she has eggs, didn't find any headlice, but will be checking again tomorrow. AIBU for not wanting her to play with neighbours DD now??

OP posts:
KatherineKavanagh · 08/07/2012 21:48

Yabu

Head lice ate everywhere, life goes on

But if your dd had eggs then she has had them for some time too..

kittyandthefontanelles · 08/07/2012 21:50

Why didn't you say anything?

MammaTJ · 08/07/2012 21:50

I would have said something like 'Oh what treatment did you use/do? Sorry to break the bad news, she still has loads.' Poor child!!

I recommend Nitty Gritty comb!!

JammySplodger · 08/07/2012 21:51

Um, yes a little bit. Maybe say you're doing your DDs and spotted some when plaiting her DDs, and suggest a good way of getting rid of them - masses of conditioner & a nit comb. Maybe she was just a bit embarressed or simply didn't know. If the girls are playing nicely, it would be a daft thing to split them up over.

MagicHouse · 08/07/2012 21:52

Well I can imagine how you feel, but I think the first thing you should do is speak to the girl's mum about seeing the lice when you did her hair. Nits are nothing to be ashamed of these days. Just say you noticed a few and had she tried Lyclear?
Maybe just say you'll be doing your own DD's hair as you've seen a few in hers, and that maybe they should get together when they're both clear of them!
It's not the little girl's fault, and she and your DD might be upset if they can't play together indefinitely.
If they didn't get treated and she had them continually, that would be awkward definitely as they're such a nuisance to get rid of!

NatashaBee · 08/07/2012 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aboutlastnight · 08/07/2012 21:57

You should have said something.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/07/2012 21:59

You should have said to the mother - you have several suggestions here now of how to do it tactfully, you really should say to her soon.

SilkStalkings · 08/07/2012 21:59

Yabu it's just nits not the plague.
I passed on a Mumsnet idea to head of PTA recently suggesting they bulk buy plastic combs and give them free to all pupils and then to all new ones each September. They cost about 15quid on eBay for 150 so it's not a big investment.

TheSpokenNerd · 08/07/2012 22:05

It's a shame Silk that the PTA should have to spendthat money on combs! Keeping your kids hair nit free is not hard. My DC are nearly 8 and 4 and have never had nits....I suspect this is because at their nursery and school, the parents keep on top of them.

NatashaBee · 08/07/2012 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortifiedwithtea · 08/07/2012 22:07

YABU.

Nits are nothing to be ashamed of. Just say to neighbour I've found nits in DD hair. As the kids have played together, howabout we give both our kids a nit treatment shampoo today. Or something similar. That's what I did when my DD2 had nits. I tipped off the neighbours and they give their DD a session with Hedrin just in case.

holyfishnets · 09/07/2012 04:48

Why didn't you say anything? Yes I agree she shouldn't have allowed her DD to have her hair done by you but you could have said something. Nits are part of life - maybe get yourself the nitty gritty comb and you can always have a quick run through if you suspect anything.

EndangeredOtter · 09/07/2012 08:24

Why on earth did you not say anything? It's nits not the plague

helenthemadex · 09/07/2012 08:57

yabu, Judgey and unfair you should have said something

ariadne1 · 09/07/2012 09:06

.She may well have treated her daughter but if you always use the same treatment the lice can build up a resistance .I think you need to mention it to the mum and suggest she rotates treatments.

Vixxen · 09/07/2012 09:24

Your DD is likely to get headline from school anyway! They are rife amongst children and as others have said it sounds like she has already had them a little while.

Just treat them and check every day. I would have mentioned to the mother too. It's not something really awful, nits are just nits and can be gotten rid of relatively easily. YABU if you are considering not letting her play with neighbours DD, and you will have to keep her off school too if that's the view you take. Very likely that a few of the school kids have them.

I can highly recommend the Robi Comb, an electric nit comb that kills instantly, eggs and all. Your child doesn't have to smell of horrible nit shampoo and it takes half the time.

Good luck getting rid and relax! They are harmless :)

soozeedol · 09/07/2012 10:01

surely you wouldn't stop your DD playing with her friend over this...thats awful!!...how would you feel if this happened the other way around!!!

Go have a chat with other mother, have a nitty (getting rid of) party with treatments, dvds and treats....laugh about it and carry on!!...

letseatgrandma · 09/07/2012 10:35

Why didn't you say something!? Poor child.

charllie · 09/07/2012 21:12

I didn't explain myself very well in the start of this thread. I'll start again....
My DD has had headlice a few times since starting school, its not a problem to me, i quite happily sit there and de-bug her. I don't have anything against them, as lots of you have said, they are just that, headlice, nothing terrible (which i know!!) My daughter like many other children i am sure, doesn't like having them, likes even less to sit there whilst i get rid of them for her. I regularly check her hair, as i know being at school, she is bound to catch them (which as i've said, she does) There are children at her school, who's parents don't treat their child when they have them (i have looked after them in the nursery i worked at - one parent actually shaved her DD's hair rather than treating!!) The setting i work at now, we have children who don't get treated too, no matter how many times we mention to the parents, they just shrug it off, their children are really suffering as they have loads and i mean LOADS! Its for this reason that i was thinking of stopping her playing with her for a bit, as i know if you treat them as soon as you find them, you can soon get rid of them, but these children where i work, they have loads and i know that their parents don't treat them, you can also see that they are not treated as there are so many in their hair. I mean you can actually see them without getting close, this is what this little girls hair is like. So even though some of you are saying that she may have been treated, i can see that she hasn't, the amount in her hair wasn't something that has just built up over a week or so.
Also i'd like to point out to some of you who have said that my DD probably had them for a while prior to playing with her, she didn't. When i checked her head, she had 8 eggs, tonight i checked again and only 1 egg, plus no live ones (will be checking each night for a couple of nights) if she had of had them for a while, she would have had quite a few live ones, plus lots more eggs as they reproduce extremly quickly. I'm not being defensive, well not trying to be, but i wanted to just add that bit.
So anyway, the reason i was debating stopping them playing is because i think that it would be a daily thing, my DD getting headlice from her DD and that would then mean my DD having to then sit there each night whilst i go through her hair before bed. I wont be stopping them playing with each other, i've read and taken in what you've all said (although may not seem it by this post lol)
The reason i never told her mother........up until last week, me and her weren't on good terms, since she moved in (6years ago) we've literally said maybe 20 words to each other. The reason being.........she has a DD who is the same age as my DD and she also has 2 younger children, we live in a flat, we are above her. When my DD plays, and its been as simple as walking from one end of the room to the other, she's banging on the ceiling in her flat. This hasn't happened for a while as in the end i went down there and asked her why she was doing that, she said she didn't want to be here, wasn't happy etc, no actual reason for banging on the ceiling. This became quite a problem between us and it just ended up being 'hello' as we passed each other. Then last week i was outside with my DD and her DD came over and they played, her mother came over and we talked. She explained the reason behind the banging etc and we are sort of on talking terms. So the reason i never said anything is because my DD has just found a friend nearby and i didn't want to ruin that (yes i know i was thinking of stopping them playing - not anymore) I dont' know this women well enough to know how she would have dealt with me saying anything. We have told some parents where i work and they get really defensive, aren't happy to be told that their child has headlice.
When she'd gone down to her own flat, i did regret not saying anything, but haven't seen her since and didn't want to knock on her door to tell her.
Don't know if any of that makes me sound like a better person, as i know i probably sounded like a snob or at least not a very nice person, sorry :/

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 09/07/2012 21:16

IF your dd had eggs you havnt been checking her hair this isnt the other little girls fault tbh nits do bring the worst out in some parents but it is a part of growing up and early school life, deal with them tell the mum support each other and let the girls play together ,

charllie · 09/07/2012 21:18

I hadn't checked her hair since the Thursday no, the first time i checked her was Sunday night.

OP posts:
charllie · 09/07/2012 21:19

and i've never said its the little girls fault, i'd never blaim a child for something like this, that would be ridiculous!!

OP posts:
BreakOutTheKaraoke · 09/07/2012 21:20

If you got rid of all of the eggs yesterday, but there is another one today, she must have a live louse somewhere. Those first eggs MUST have come from a louse, the eggs don't just appear.

Why don't you nip down to the flat, say you forgot to mention yesterday but when you were plaiting her hair, you noticed headlice, DD has also has some eggs, you have been using so-and-so and it's working well. It is a casual thing, treat it as such. Little girls play, they put their heads together, just make sure your DDs hair is tied up if possible if you don't think her mother is treating them.

lisad123 · 09/07/2012 21:20

Dd2 has terrible trouble with headlice, if I miss one comb though she's full of them Blush its horrible and we really struggle to get it under control Sad
Her hair is thick, curly and corse. She has gone back to school today after another weekend of de licing with two buns and loads of hairspray. I get very angry with it and poor dd2 suffers, but they do get better. Dd1 never gets them Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread