to be apsolutly raging with anger

[Socknickingpixie]

back story, i left a previous husband because he bonked my mate we were married for 11 years i left him with the house and all contents i left him with the company that we both owned i left with nothing other than my children and my own personal belongings,
as part of our agreement i would not touch house/company but he would pay the equivlent of about 100 pcm in money and items like school dinners/uniforms (the 100 is the combined value of everything he delt with its not 100 plus other things) for child maintainance for 1 child (to be reconcidered should his circumstances change) he would pay for the rest of my uni fees along with any costs in relation to legal stuff.this agreement was massively in his favor but i couldnt be bothered to argue with him.
i kept up my end of the deal compleatly he never kept up with his he welched on everything it cost a fortune to keep taking him to court so i stopped doing it and went to the csa.
the csa assesed soley on the basis that he recives a army disability pension they class this as a benefit like job seekers (for the record he isant disabled and doesnt concider himself to be,he had a minor moterbike accident that left him with scaring) because of this they gave him the minimum payment of £5 per week.initially i cancelled the csa but my ex-husband reinstated the csa by himself applying so i requested a variation 4 years ago so his company income would be taken into account the csa have consistantly fucked up but apparently hope to resolve the matter by next month.he earns in the region of 55k a year.he also only sees our child twice a month for less than 24 hours each time and refuses to contribute towards anything other than the £5 pw,incidently our child is significantly disabled.
i have also never not once challenged contact at all or been negative about dad to child
also i can prove apsolutly everything regarding finances due to the agreement being in writting bank statements all court docs ect so i can prove im telling the truth

our child overheard a phone convo i was having with the csa (i didnt realise he was within hearing) hes a teenager so without asking me about it decided to ask his dad why he thought it was acceptable to only contribute £5pw towards his upbringing when he obviously could afford to do more.his dad told him off for asking and refused to answer.
shortly after this his dads girlfriend informed our child that his dad used to pay a CONSIDERABLE sum of money but i had (exact quote)"been a greedy money grabbing lieing cunt by going to the csa so it was my tough shit that they decided that i only deserved £5 per week and this was due to my behaviour"

i phoned up and politly asked her why she had said it and asked her if she was aware that we had both agreed a very affordable arangement that i had stuck to my end of the deal by not touching the house ect and that i was surprised that she concidered £100 pcm to be a large sum of money for someone in his possition.and it wasnt really cricket to have these convos with a child.
i was level toned and polite throughout the convo however she hurled all manor of abuse down the phone simmerler stuff that she had said to my child with several other things thrown in inc but not limited to me blaiming other people for my own mistakes telling lies.then screamed a bit more and hung the phone up.

so whose being unreasonable here? and how would you react to this would you say anything to the child

if its relivant they have been togather a few years but she was not around when this arangement was made but she was around when the csa became involved

no debt or anything. the arangement was made 6 years ago. i have allready paid all my uni fees. my child dosnt miss out as i provide everything he needs and all treats i am not dependant on anybody.

i just think hes scum for being unwilling to keep up with the arangement that was basicly his idea to boast about only paying a fiver and shes a compleate bitch for talking to my child like that

YANBU for being furious with gf, she sounds charming he does sound like many ex's who can not separate the child from the parent and see any money they have to pay as paying for their ex

I am a bit confused by your attitude towards your ex re the house and company, just walking away from it. Whilst what you did or are doing in wanting to provide for your son without help from his father is admirable, your ds has two parents and both parents should provide equally for their children.

Walking away and asking for nothing when as you said yourself you could go after the house and company but you have no interest in doing so, is all very well but what about your son? does he not deserve to have something from his father, and yes I know you are using the CSA, but if you dont want it the money from the house and company could be very useful to him and help him when he is starting out

go after the house.

go after the house because your child deserves to be looked after by both parents

Any entitlement towards the house and company would at the time have been inderpendant to any maintainance issue not quite sure I understand exactly why in depth but basicly at that time anything I obtained would have been soley based on my contribution into them nothing to do with me having any children,the courts became very very reluctant to make lumpsum child maintainance awards due to the csa not taking them into concideration they only do them nowadays when parents cannot reach agreement or the income of the nrp is so significant that the csa can't asses it using there normal figures and lifestyle accustomed to for a child cannot be continued on there percentages (think people like rod Stewart,or any footballer).
It was the £100 PCM that was child maintainance basicly he agreed to pay £45 in cash and for school dinners and school bus pass as well as school uniform, I constantly had to chase him for school dinners in essance he paid them for 1 term uniform was brought once in 5 years even when school was changed at his request because he refused to pay for a bus pass.
So anything to do with house was sepperate to maintainance as it was ancillory relif for me personally,
if I go after the house it would just wind me up more I expect because I would have to put up with more of there temper tantrums and more of there attempts to drag child into it and more of there intentional messing me around with regard to contact changes.
But of course I belive that should he refuse to pay what the csa asses him as needing to (when they take his actual income into concideration rather than just his army pension)and they back date it right to the begining then they can get a court judgement against him and I expect that wouldn't trouble me to much

Your teen knows you and knows what things cost, he also knows how your Dh and his woman are living, it sounds like he's pretty disgusted with your Ex over only thinking that he is worth a fiver a week. Chances are even if you tried to get your share of the house, he would not side with your Ex or perhaps even want contact with him. Eventually he will see his father for what he is and either tell him what he thinks or cut him off. Ex isn't doing himself any favors letting his new squeeze speak to your son about you in that way, in fact it'll hurt his relationship in the end.
My Dad paid a fiver a week per child for maintenance and that was back in the 70's He also gave me pocket money and extras as I asked for them for holidays etc.

strangely enough he just announced that he wants to have a think about if he wants to go back or not.

I would calmly communicate to him that you need some money to support both of yours child. Explain that he has three options and you don't mind which one he chooses.

1. pay the £100 per month (including possibly backdated payments)
2. stick to the new revised CSA determination (if that is an acceptable figure for you when it is calculated)
3. You will go through the courts for your share of the house and business.

You need to do one of those for your son - even if pride stops you spending any of it on yourself. Put it into an account for your sons future.

Why should he be allowed to walk over yourself and your son. You have been more than reasonable in your demands so far, so it is up to him which choice he makes.
Don't enter into discussion with him or her. Explain the options (text/email/letter) and calmly do what you have to do.

the csa reckon it will be resolved shortly as they now have his accounts from hmrc so at the mo i just have to wait and see what they say im pretty sure that he will be asked to pay about about 4 times what he agreed then refused to befor

Good. That'll teach im.