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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to withdraw contact

5 replies

EndangeredOtter · 08/07/2012 14:13

It's worth mentioning now that I will not withdraw contact I'm just seriously peed off with everything.

Most of you know the unusual circs around DDs birth, so know that DP has more than stepped up to the plate.

Anyway xp agreed to miss a weekend last weekend and then have 2 in a row so we could go to a christening (first time he has ever been flexible) anyway he was meant to pick her up Friday morning, Thursday night I get a text 'work have changed shifts will be coming having her sun to tues instead' which is fine, a bit peeved that he left it till 7pm to tell me this but he works nights so it is understandable. Then yesterday around the same time, same text but to pick her up Monday, and today he thinks it might be Tuesday but he will tell me tomorrow. No regard to my plans if I had any no apology, no phonecall to explain that daddy is coming but not today. Nothing. I've stopped telling DD he is coming because I don't want her upset when she wakes up expecting to go and has to wait.

Anyway he now expects to have her the weekend too. Now under no circumstances is he took her on holiday with his parents, 2 other babies, 2 dogs and an alcoholic in a 2 bed caravan. He didn't tell me about alcoholic friend going, or that the dogs would be there. (He lied even when I caught him out then back tracked) and to be honest if he didn't live with his mum and step-dad then I wouldn't trust him to have her overnight.

He has evaded the CSA for 11 months and every time I approach him about it he lies, says he has done all the forms and hasn't. In the 2.5 years she has been alive he has paid for 10 months of them. Yet has seen her since she was 2 weeks old every other weekend

This is the latest in the catalogue of things he has (or not) done since she was born. Including but not limited to

Not seeing her when she was born (his mum came)

Shouting at me in the street that DP had no right to be called daddy too, and that she was his blood and he was her only dad (oh really I didn't know blood provided a roof, clothes, food and nappies!)

Refusing to allow DP parental responsibility

Sending me a letter from a 'solicitor' detailing that he was to have her for x amount of days and I was to provide all nappies and food for this time. I put solicitor in inverted commas as it was just a word docutment he had printed himself, I wanted to go through with a red pen correct the spelling mistakes and send it back (i didnt) my solicitor told me it was ridiculous and would be a waste of court time as I'm being MORE than fair re contact because he knows that if I had 24hrs notice he could come and see her for the day whenever he wanted

I am so close to tell him to go fuck himself. I won't because that's not fair on DD but my god I want to!!!

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 08/07/2012 14:23

This is where MN is at it's best. It lets you vent, get people agreeing with you (or disagreeing with you) and saying what a b he is. Then you get to keep things nice for your DD!!

He sounds horrible, but you know that it is best for your DD if she carries on seeing him!!

Hopefully the CSA will get him in the end!!

laurenamium · 08/07/2012 14:32

YANBU!

It's stories like this that make me think how lucky I am that DDs biological father has never wanted to/ has never seen her- despite my best efforts. I would much rather her have no contact than have her messed around and let down all the time!

You sound like you are being more than reasonable! I am Angry at him on your behalf OP!

EndangeredOtter · 08/07/2012 14:34

I want to rip his balls off. I won't. I'll hand her over very nicely (whatever day) saying it would be better to have more notice.

While inside screaming YOU INCONSIDERATE FUCKER!

CSA have passed it to their debt people and will be approaching his boss to take it straight from wage, so his work will know he has been evading it.

He makes out that he buys her all this stuff, and found out recently he has been telling mutual friends (who now no longer talk to him) he was giving me 300 a month HAHAHA I friggin wish!

Sorry this appears to have bothered me more than I thought.

OP posts:
EndangeredOtter · 08/07/2012 22:35

Still nothing on tomorrow.

It's a good bloody job that I've not said anything to her. ARGH! so still hanging about tomorrow. And still don't know what is happening this week!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/07/2012 22:47

Well at some point you won't be able to hang around and he'll turn up and all hell will break lose however it will happen at some point so perhaps you should put your foot down sooner or later over the lack of notice of collection times.

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