To think you do what you have to do to make having a child financially possible?

[GirlWithALlamaTattoo]

I'm not sure if this is a thread-about-a-thread sin. I've been reading in Relationships about a lady whose DH is IMO over-the-top about controlling the family finances, and a lot of people have picked up on the fact that she saved up to cover her share of the household bills while on mat leave. That wasn't the point of her OP, so I've started a new thread rather than hijacking hers.

We're approaching it in the same way. Our bills will still be the same when I'm not working, and DP doesn't earn enough to cover everything. Our combined income is enough to have a comfortable lifestyle. We will be using "my" savings, in the sense that I had the savings before I met DP, to make it financially possible for me to take time off. I'm self-employed, so won't get paid mat leave. (I'm not pg yet, but we're going to start ttc after the wedding.)

AIBU to think if one income isn't enough, the one who's off work still needs to pay their share, and if that means saving in advance, so be it? It sounds obvious to me, but maybe I'm weird.

So you think you should save up to cover what you lose in earnings if you go on maternity leave so that your partner doesn't have to subsidise you by paying more into the household kitty while you are off work?

Off work caring for HIS child.

If you're going to take the approach of saying both of you MUST pay equally into the household budget no matter what, it's only fair to charge your partner half of the cost incurred in lost wages.

Or you could go back to work and split the cost of childcare between you.

OP - i understand your DH doesn't have savings but if he did would you not both be contributing your savings towards covering the bills while you are not earning?

We are in a similar position (me self-employed and about to ttc) and we are both saving for my mat leave, i am saving to be able to keep paying my pension and NI contributions and maybe contribute something to the household expenses and he is saving so he can contribute far more to the household expenses than usual for a while... I would not see it as my responsibility to save as if i were planning a sabatical or holiday... I am planning to have our baby so it's up to both of us to save.

I am confused. We have always kept separate bank accounts. When we married I was the higher earner. DH overtook me shortly after DS was born. We had a home, we worked out we could live on just DH's income if I gave up work. Jointly, we had enough for me to take maternity leave which then was a maximum of six months and maintain our lifestyle. Actually I only went back for a little while because it didn't work for us and I wanted to be at home with DS. When I gave up work we toned down our lifestyle. BUT and this is a big but, in spite of keeping our finances separate, we did it together and knew what we could do jointly and singly and agreed who would be paying what and why.