So yesterday went out with DD and her friend (Mary) and her Mary's mum to a local play place. We got there, and there was also another friend of our DDs there. Mary's mum agreed to look after this friend so her father could go home and do some things he needed to do, and pick up this friend from Mary's house later (no problem, all the girls get on well etc).
Mary's mum and I were in the cafe talking whilst the girls played. Towards the end of our time there, Mary's mum bought the girls a chocolate each. They saw these, but Mary's mum insisted they could not have them until we left in 15 minutes and walk home (fine by me). We were packing up when Mary's mum went to the toilet, so Mary picked up the chocolate. DD and friend protested but she said she was just holding them and wasn't eating them (fair point possibly, but to them they couldn't understand why she was allowed to hold the chocolate when they couldn't).
I then decided that I would also like a chocolate bar, and as Mary's mum had bought DD a chocolate, I bought two, one for myself and one for Mary's mum and put them on the table explaining who they are for. Mary grabbed her mother's bar, and went to grab mine, but I got there first and gave her a look that sort of said "just you try it". DD and friend then said they would like to hold their own chocolate, to which Mary said "no I am". My own DD then took a chocolate out of Mary's hand when Mary was offguard. I don't condone snatching in any way, but I sort of saw this as a dominance and power thing if that makes any sense at all. This is when Mary's mum came back, asked where the chocolate was, and Mary said she was holding it until we get outside. Mary's mum just agreed and we went.
DD and friend asked if they could have their chocolate once we were outside, at which point Mary ran on. We were halfway home before Mary relinquished the chocolate she had been holding, which her mum did not force her to, but it was Mary's decision if you know what I mean. The friend brought a chocolate to Mary's mother, at which point she said no that was for DD. Friend said DD had already got hers. I explained that I had bought further chocolate for Mary's mum and myself and briefly what had happened whilst she was in the toilet about Mary holding the chocolate. She agreed that Mary hadn't opened it and she did say they could not have it until they were outside, not seeing the bigger picture and the unfairness of it in the eyes of the children.
I didn't say anything further to her, but I wish I had said that I didn't think there was any difference with my DD holding her chocolate and Mary holding the chocolate. DD did not eat hers until halfway home when Mary relinquished the chocolate to everyone else.
I know it's EXTREMELY petty and of no importance in the grand scheme of things, but I am very wary of DD not being bullied, and being able to stand up for herself in the long run (so I was secretly proud of her taking the chocolate from Mary in a stand up sort of way - especially as she followed the rules regarding not eating it until told). I also think that Mary's mum is making a rod for her own back in allowing Mary to dictate these things (eg, it was Mary's decision when she gave out the chocolate, not her mother's i.e when we got outside).
The girls are 9 btw