AIBU to ask how it works when a SAHM goes back to work FT after a few years off?

[FauxFox]

I mean how does a DH who has been used to zero child/house-related responsibility change if at all? I'd really appreciate some insight on how this has worked for others.

It makes sense financially for me to go back but DCs are 7 (DS has ASD if that makes a difference) and i'm concerned that I'll be left doing everything I do now + work + childcare drama when anyone is ill etc

DH is not an arse at all, he is lovely and works very hard himself, I feel lucky to have been at home for so long. I just can't imagine how the dynamic can change and don't want to end up taking a job and regretting it.

You have to approach it as a team, an equal partnership. It was a little short-sighted to not split household chores a little more evenly up to now but you can correct that for the future. IME it's best to be totally up front about what needs to be done and how it's going to break down rather than make assumptions or hope for the best. Include the children in the process because everyone's capable of helping out, even if it's only in a small way. If everyone is party to the decision then there's no room for resentment.

Divide jobs before you go back to work, discuss how household tasks are going to be shared. You both need to be aware that you will have far less time than before A's I imagine that most of the chores are done in the day whereas now you will be both at work.
Consider outside help if you can- cleaner, gardener. Anything to give you more free time at the weekend xx

It was a little short-sighted to not split household chores a little more evenly up to now I disagree if it has worked for them. In my experience, doing everything throughout the week freed up evenings and weekends.

I went back ft after mat leave. Its all about planning and communicating. Everyone needs to be clear and able to have input. I was quite lucky as dh already did as much as he could anyway.
Surely your dh must do some childcare. He must have some relationship with the kids.

Thanks all I think we need to have a sit down chat about it to make sure he understands what will be needed and cover off all eventualities (school hols/sports days etc/sickness of children or childcare person)

Dprince of course he has a relationship with the kids I'm talking about the logistics.

At the moment I drop at school at 8.30, pick DS up at 12, his home tutor comes at 1, I pick DD up at 3, DS's tutor leaves at 4. There is much to organise if I am going to be at work 9-5. DH usually leaves for work at 8.30am and gets back at 7pm but he has his own company so in theory should be more flexible than I will be in a new role.

Thanks all I think we need to have a sit down chat about it to make sure he understands what will be needed and cover off all eventualities (school hols/sports days etc/sickness of children or childcare person)

Dprince of course he has a relationship with the kids I'm talking about the logistics.

At the moment I drop at school at 8.30, pick DS up at 12, his home tutor comes at 1, I pick DD up at 3, DS's tutor leaves at 4. There is much to organise if I am going to be at work 9-5. DH usually leaves for work at 8.30am and gets back at 7pm but he has his own company so in theory should be more flexible than I will be in a new role.