I know I am quite possibly being unreasonable but....

[JackJacksmummy]

Arghhhhh

FIL passed away in January, for 2 months afterwards DP was spending every night at his parents home looking after his mother. She lives 45 mins from us - we have 3 kids under 12, youngest is 6. She lives 10 mins from his sister who had 2 adult kids - youngest is 21.

After a few months of this I got a bit narked - especially when it came to us spending practically all our money on his fuel over there and back every day - to the point that we could only afford to feed our children cheesy pasta!!!

Now it's down to 2 nights a week, 6 months on and now my 2 youngest who are already worried about people suddenly leaving them because the way their grandad went are ridiculously upset because yet again he is "babysitting" when he should be here.

MIL doesn't realise what arguments are being caused over this and is at the selfish "me me me" stage of bereavement, and seems oblivious that DP and SIL have also lost their dad.

SIL made a bedroom at her house for her mum to stay in but doesn't have her often and never at the weekends and prefers to take her out during the day which is fine but just for once maybe she could do the 3 hour Friday night shop with her or have her overnight so our young family have their parents together occasionally at weekends.

Just irking me a bit at the moment that I am the one left at home with upset children.

Yanu. It's a horrible thing for her to go through but she needs to realise that he has a family of his own. It can't go on forever. And 2 nights a week is a lot!

I think you're being a bit hard on your MIL. She's 82 and has suffered an enormous life change. She may never get back to where she was, especially as she will increasingly be coping with the problems of her own decline.

Sorry, but I think your children will adjust if you explain the situation to them and their distress should not be used as grounds for complaint. Of course you would like more family time together, but care for elderly parents is a problem most people face at some time and compared with some, you are getting off relatively lightly at the moment.

I think you need a sit-down family conference with your SIL to discuss your MIL's present and future needs. Realistically, things are not going to get better long-term. The financial burden is the most important aspect for you. Perhaps your SIL could help by doing one of the overnights and you and DP and grandchildren could see more of her at weekends? As MIL gets older, your SIL will probably end up having to take the lion's share of responsibility as she lives so close. It's much better to show willing at this point than build up resentment for the future.

I do sympathise, but your DP is trying to be a good son and needs your support not further problems when he comes home.