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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you put a complaint in about someone before speaking to them?

21 replies

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/07/2012 20:03

Every weekend my neighbour has loads of teens in her house (she has a Ds and dd) and they are shouting and swearing until early in the morning. This morning it was 5am when they finally shut up. I think they come outside for a dig as its at 20 min intervals, so just as I'm nodding off they start again. Tonight they are camping out on the wasteland behind our houses so I'm assuming tonight is going to be just as bad. Its not too bad if I keep the (double glazed) windows shut but its way too hot for that.

Now day to day I get on really well with her and dont want to ruin It, and i really hate confrontation and tbh I don't think she is really in charge and the kids just run riot. So I was thinking of anonomously (sp) reporting her and hoping they do something.

I did text her a few weeks ago at 4am asking to quieten kids down but don't know if she got it. (Kids shut up about 30 mins later.)
Wwyd?

OP posts:

cheekypickle · 07/07/2012 20:05

I'd let community police officers know. They can ask people to keep the noise down. Have complained about some students that live few doors down from us. Good luck

Kayano · 07/07/2012 20:07

Yes I would. Some people are too shit to converse with

Moominhunter · 07/07/2012 20:07

If your close enough to have her mobile number, you would BU to report her without properly speaking to her first.

Pandoralight · 07/07/2012 20:08

Have you spoken to her yourself (not text). Could you not just ask politely : 'Would you mind keeping the noise down after a certain time?'

If that doesn't work, do what cheekypickle has suggested. They should be able to have a word.

Original poster

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/07/2012 20:11

I don't know if I have the right number as I got no answer to last text and she's never mentioned it. We're not pop over for a cup of tea friendly, more of a stand in the garden supervising the kids (she has a 6 year old too) and chatting friendly.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 07/07/2012 20:11

It would be a bit off of you to report without talking to her about it.

I would be ringing again and again to make sure she got the message if she was disturbing me, there's no reason for you to feel guilty about it or worry she'll be funny with you - you've done nothing wrong!

Reporting her behind her back doesn't give her a chance to sort it out, give her a chance, then report away.

Original poster

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/07/2012 20:13

See I thought if I ask her and she doesn't (well the kids dont-like I say I dont think she can control them) then she finds out she's been reported she will know its me and I don't want any friction.

OP posts:

Pandoralight · 07/07/2012 20:13

It can't hurt to just ask over the fence. I would. It can't be doing her six year old any good with the noise at all hours either.

Moominhunter · 07/07/2012 20:13

How did you get her number? I really wouldn't do it without a frank convo first.

smoggii · 07/07/2012 20:15

She clearly doesn't give a toss about you. She must know that it's having an effect. Call the police/council/housing association and let them deal with this anti social behaviour

tittytittyhanghang · 07/07/2012 20:21

I wouldn't say anything to her. If she is inconsiderate/selfish/too stupid to realise that this kind of commotion is having an effect on you, then I don't believe for a second that trying to talk to her would bring anything positive. I'd just call the police next time there is a commotion and let them deal with it. At least it should be anonymous if the police deal with it, if you say anything you could be dealing with a bunch of (unjustified) pissed off teens.

AllieZ · 07/07/2012 20:26

I would report it without speaking to them specifically to avoid confrontation. The police will not disclose who reported it, it could have been anyone in the street, it will be dealt with and sorted. If you talk to them first and nothing happens; or the noise lessens a little, or for a little while and then gets back to the previous level, and you have to report it to the police, they will know it was you. Do you need that? Let the police sort it anonymously.

Moominhunter · 07/07/2012 20:33

Will they know it was you if you report them? Do you have other close neighbours?

QuintessentialShadows · 07/07/2012 20:36

I agree with reporting without talking to her first. Surely she must know what effect it has, and clearly she does not care.

Viviennemary · 07/07/2012 20:40

Don't think there is much point in saying anything. If she's inconsiderate enough to let her teenagers to behave like this, can't see she is going to take much notice of a neighbour. I'd certainly think about reporting them. They shouldn't know it was you. But if you complain first then they will have a good idea.

Original poster

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/07/2012 20:40

There are other neighbours but not sure if they can hear? On the other side of her its a middle aged couple (the man is actually quite ill i think) On the other side of me is a middle aged man who might also report, but i dont know if he's hard of hearing, or sleeps in the front room. I'm thinking because i seem so nice, she wouldn't think its me (two-faced i know) and i fear for my car which is parked out front if the teens knew it was me

How would i go about contacting community officers? The local police station? and would i report as its happening or in the morning?

Also the other week (about 4am) i heard them throwing stones and one of them smashed a window (think it was a green house over the back) I was going to report that week but chickened out.

2 of my dd's had me up at seperate times last night and with next doors noise i hardly slept, so i think its the tiredness talking.

OP posts:

Original poster

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/07/2012 20:43

Let me say that i really keep myself to myself, until next door moved in this was the perfect house, in a row of about 15 houses, she's the only one that makes a noise...and i really dont mind occasional noise/parties etc but this is every friday/saturday...dreading the holidays. :(

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 07/07/2012 20:45

You definitely need to get this sorted. These kids know that they can run riot there and nobody will do anything about it.

Go and speak to her. Tell her that you can't sleep because of the noise. Remind her about the broken glass. See how she responds. If she doesn't seem to care less, I would just say, "Well I'm going to end up calling the police if it carries on. This is making me ill." And do it. Do it every single time they're making a noise. It's the only thing you can do - eventually they'll find some other sucker to put up with them.

BellaVita · 07/07/2012 20:48

You need to ring 101 - non emergency line and ask or a community police officer.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 07/07/2012 20:53

I would report with out saying anything to her and explain to the officer you do not want her to know it was you as you dont want this affecting neighbour relationships as you do talk to her in passing but feel that you would not confidently approach this subject with her.

Original poster

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/07/2012 21:01

You know i'm really happy most of you agree, i was expecting you all to say "grow a backbone". I'm (unfortunately) a very timid person, and can't stand confrontation (strangely if it involves my kids i'm much more confident-but my kids sleep through the noise) I wish i could just shout out the window "For Gods sake SHUT UP!!!" when they are making a noise lol.

OP posts:

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