I apologise in advance as this will be long.
My grandad died less than 36 hours ago, I loved him dearly and helped with his day to day care a lot in the months before he died. My mam was his carer and also went way over and above normal daughterly duties for him because she, too, adored him.
My nana, his wife, has six children of which my mam is the youngest. Aunties 1, 2 and 3 are to her first husband who left before Aunty 3 was born. Aunty 4's father died before she was born. Uncle and mam are grandad's although Uncle very sadly died less than three months ago in a motorbike accident.
Aunties 1 and 2 moved away when my mam was very young, one to france and one to Bristol. They visit once a year, if that. Aunties 3 and 4 stayed local.
Last year, mam and Aunty 3 had a massive falling out over the way Aunty 3 treats my mam's son and my grandad. Her behaviour towards my grandad (infirm, suffering from heart, lung and kidney failure as well as drastically reduced mobility and blindness) was appalling. She would frequently bully him including bringing a Do Not Resuscitate form from work for him to sign (she was a ward sister) and, on one occassion, waving her fist in his face threatening to punch him. When my mam confronted her about this, she told my mam that she was a bastard like her dad, Aunty 2, who was present, said that she would have 'pulled my grandad out of his wheelchair' if she was Aunty 3. As you can imagine, this led to my mam no longer speaking to Aunties 2 and 3.
When my Uncle died, my mam and I both agreed to be civil and polite to Aunties 2 and 3 for the sake of my nana, who believes Aunty 3 can do no wrong. This is despite Aunty 3 trying to engineer it so that a paid carer would NOT attend my Uncle's funeral to deal with my grandad as my mam could deal with it instead. On the day of her brother's funeral. But anyway, peace was held.
Two weeks ago my grandad ended up in hospital with a perforated bowel, chest infection and blood clots on his lungs. My nana and Aunties 2 and 3 decided to go on holiday to Spain anyway, despite knowing he was dying. My nana did return a day early from the holiday when she was told he was getting worse however Aunties 2 and 3 allowed her to travel back alone so they could finish their holiday. Sadly, he didn't recover and died in the early hours of yesterday morning.
So, yesterday we went to my nana's to start making funeral arrangements. We agreed no church service but a minister at the crem as he was religious, he just couldn't stand the church as an organisation. Then Aunties 2 and 3 began to involve themselves. They decided the date that was most convenient date for them was the 16th. My mam said can we have it any other day as that is her son's (my youngest brother's) 9th birthday. They continued to push the issue saying it was the only day Aunty 2's daughter could come over from France for the funeral. They said a nine year old could celebrate his birthday the day before, then on his actual birthday, be quite happy for his own mother to put on her mourning clothes and go and bury his grandad. This suggestion made to make allowances for a woman in her 30s who had met my grandad a handful of times during her life.
My mam got, understandably, very upset. My nana screamed in my mam's face that my mam is killing her, everything got a bit hazy at that point, as I went completely hysterical and had to be removed from the situation. My aunties then arrived at my nana's and instructed my stepdad to 'get that witch out of here'.
AIBU to just want to grieve for my grandad and to genuinely believe that what they are suggesting would RUIN a little boy's birthday? Would any mother on here think it was okay to bury their parent on their child's birthday?