To be annoyed with DH over this?

[HexagonalQueenOfEverything]

DH regularly 'forgets' to do things. Forgets to put the DCs to bed if I'm out. Forgets to put things away. He recently moved a couple of appliances and 'forgot' to re-connect one of them, hence then when I tried to use it the following day when he was at work, there was water everywhere and I had to re-connect it myself and clear up the mess. He is working away this week and bought a big bag of dog food the day before he went, forgot to get it out of his car, and I didn't realise until the evening after he'd gone, when I went to feed the dogs, there was no dog food, I phoned him to ask him where it was and yep he'd 'forgot'. So I had to get my youngest DC out of bed and drive to the nearest shop to get some.

I know everyone forgets things, but it does annoy me in a way that he thinks it's acceptable for him to forget things, but not for me to forget anything. He thinks the words 'I forgot' are acceptable no matter what the circumstances and should absolve him of any responsibility. The thing that annoys me too is if I ever forget anything, he gets in a bad mood with me and moans at me.

Like I said, he is away at the moment. I am in sole charge of our 3 DCs, so obviously doing everything around the house and caring for them. I work from home, normally 10 hours or so per week but this week we have been incredibly busy and I have worked over 40 hours, fitting it in around school times, nursery drop offs, the kids' social lives and basically working until 2am some nights. I also walk the dogs twice a day (which are technically DH's dogs as I didn't want dogs because of the work they entail but he got them anyway).

I am knackered. Not moaning about it but I just am. Anyway, yesterday I forgot to put our bin out for the refuse collectors. I normally remember but I worked until 2am on Wednesday night, slept through the alarm by mistake yesterday, and missed the rubbish collection. DH just phoned and I mentioned it and he started huffing and puffing and asking how it was possible for me to have forgotten it, etc.

I know it wasn't an ideal thing to do but as i said, we all make mistakes. Well DH does but apparently I'm not allowed to. To add, I normally remember everything that needs to be remembered in our household; his family's birthdays, dates of school events, school trips, what needs taking into school on which day, everything.

yes, not being arsed to put your kids to bed, instead choosing to let them drop on the floor as they will, each to their own, isn't it?

What a fabulous excuse for the lazy man in your life.

Hmmmm I do agree in some ways Laqueen. DH and I have very different interests, much the same as you and your DH. However I don't think that brushing a child's hair can be compared to the Euros. One is a necessity, and part of taking care of his child, the other is his hobby. I don't think it should be optional for a man about whether or not to do personal care for his child just because it doesn't interest him.

He isn't 'forgetting' he just can't be bothered to remember. And why should he? You are picking up the slack. Stop it. He needs to feel the consequences of his supposedly bad memory. Bet it improves pretty quickly, then when you 'forget' to do the laundry for him, for example, and he's got no clean pants. That'll remind him that actually the laundry isn't your job - he has to learn to make sure he has clean pants, not you.

The thing that would really piss me off though is the 'forgetting' to but the children to bed. That is just sheer laziness; bedtime requires some effort on his part, but slobbing on the sofa doesn't. Given that small children generally feel crap the next morning if they've had a late night, I find that pretty much neglectful of him and I wouldn't tolerate it, except on rare occasions such as holidays etc that the kids regard as a treat. Why would your DH think it's OK to be so bloody lazy when there is a negative impact on his children?

And don't get me started on his double standards - how dare he have a go at you for forgetting the bins. Let's be honest, he's a bit of a twat isn't he? Hope he has some redeeming features.

Well I'm mighty hacked off with him now :-(

He was fine last night when he got home, and didn't moan at me but he's been a total arse today. Firstly he has sat around all day watching sport whilst I've done everything; housework, washing, cooking meals, everything. He then got in a strop at tea time when the curry didn't taste as spicy as it normally does (I got a milder curry sauce by mistake, probably because I did the online shop in record time as time as been so tight this week!). He then went off to bath DS and thinks that because he's done that, that is his 'work' done for the day, and I know tomorrow night no matter how little he does he will be quick to remind me that it is my 'turn' to bath DS.

Anyway, half an hour ago DD2 asked for a slice of toast before bed and DH said 'we haven't got any bread, I had the last this morning' and I said 'I wish you would have said earlier as we could have gone and got some more' and he went off on one saying 'Well you eat bread too, you should have noticed we were getting low, I assumed you had more in the freezer'. I then said that surely when he ate the last few pieces he could have just mentioned it and he then said 'I'm NOT arguing with you over bread'. He always does that, says thing that are going to wind me up then says 'I'm not arguing with you over it' when I try to defend myself. So basically he thinks he can say what he wants and I'm not allowed to say anything in return, and at the moment he seem to find a way to turn everything round onto me and make everything my fault.

Sounds like a calm and serious discussion is needed at some point very soon

Yes I think you're right, randomMess

You will just have to say, "No, of course you won't argue with me because you are completely in the wrong." That should bring him back into the argument!