To have kept daughter from school?

[ParanoidAnnie]

I've posted before bout my lovely DD who is now 8. I got loads of really useful advice.

She wasnt happy at school and had no one to call her friend . She was particularly being picked on by one particular child.

Well since I last posted, things got marginally better. The mother of this child was spoken to, but refused to believe she was in the wrong, citing 'girls will be girls' but promised to keep an eye on it. She said her DD was a natural leader and didn't want to stop her being herself.

I am sick going into the school to deal with this. I had regular meetings with the head who seemed to be trying to sort out. He made the right noises if you get what I mean. Things would get better for a while, then revert to norm. DD is normally quite happy and prefers to stay ur of this girls way. Fair enough, but she won't let DD play with anyone else. As a result the other girls rarely bother with DD.

Anyway, I'm rambling, so I will try and cut it short! Last night at bedtime DD had a complete meltdown. She was screaming, banging her head on the wall etc. she sais she didnt want to go to school any more, she was so afraid of this girl and was worried what would happen next. She was distraught. I couldnt console her. Totally heartbreaking. What happened was this: She said yesterday that this girl squeezed the top of her arm so bad she was crying, then wrenched her arm and shook it about so that her hand was waving all over. Just cos she wanted to play. DD told the dinner lady. She never passed this information on the teachers. I feel let down by the school as I was assured that all staff were aware of the situation and would report any incidents to the head. Later that day DD closed a door in this girls face. She was punished for this as the girl went straight to the teacher.

This has been going on most of this year and I have tried my best to be reasonable. I always smile and make chit chat with the mother, whilst inwardly seething.

So I kept her off. She was too scared to go to school. End of. I emailed the school to tell them why and gave a breakdown of events. I said it was a formal accusation of bullying.

I haven't heard a thing from them. I'm now really worried I've done the wrong thing.

Any advice/help would be appreciated. DD doesn't want to move school. I don't feel we should either as we have done nothing wrong.

Thanks if you got this far.

Sorry meant frontpaw fr the two weeks left.

*50 shades, thanks for the advice ~ I shall follow this route.

I usually dont agree with keeping kids off school if they are physically sick or injured but i think u are doing the right thing. Bullying is one thing i dread most. I think the other childs parents are partly to blame as they have brushed it off. If i found out that my child was doing this she would get punished for it. This child is essentially being allowed by its parents to be a bully.

You are definately doing the right thing and you need to do whatever it takes to get your child settled and happy at school. You might need to prepare yourself to take it further ie the police as the school sound useless.

My DD was bullied in primary school, and it got much worse in year 6. The same thing happened, she was very upset one night, so I kept her off school the next day, and phoned then to tell them why. Her class teacher was supportive, and really tried to help her improve her confidence, and gave her a signal to use if something was going on that he couldn't see. Unfortunately, we couldnt go to the governors, as the ringleader was the daughter of one of the governors, and very much seen as one of the 'favourites' in the school. :(

I wish I'd moved her years ago, but she didn't want to move, and her younger sister was happy in the school. She didn't go to the local comprehensive, but went to a smaller school further away, and is now very happy. The bully is still bullying apparently, and hasn't changed a bit.

I don't know what the answer is, but at least the school is starting to take it seriously. Don't back down, and good luck! Hope your DD will be happier soon.

YANBU!! Hope your DD is okay! I was bullied in primary school and instill remember how horrible it was, caused my hair to start falling out through stress!
I hope the head teacher takes it seriously once and for all!

The school has a duty of care to your DD. They are failing in this, your daughter is being assaulted on a regular basis and they are doing nothing.

mrbojangles1 gave some good advice. I would also add a call to the police - actually go in with the photo. I don't think they can do much with the child - under 10 - but they may be able to visit the school and give the head 'advice', or visit the parents.

Also contact HSE, the health and safety at work act section 7 says

7. It shall be the duty of every employee while at work-

(a) to take reasonable care for the health and safety of himself and of other persons who may be affected by his acts or omissions at work; and

(b) as regards any duty or requirement imposed on his employer or any other person by or under any of the relevant statutory provisions, to co-operate with him so far as is necessary to enable that duty or requirement to be performed or complied with. 

This means that EVERY employee of the school could be sued. Check your hoome contents insurance - do you pay for legal cover? They can gicve you advice.

In my experience people think health and safety is a corporate thing, it isn't, an individual can be held accountable, in your case this is the head, who could personally face a large fine - something like £20 000. In my opinion, once people realise this they take health and safety seriously.

Poor both of you. Primary school can be a claustrophobic experience and it's difficult to get distance on the situation. It's a sensitive period when you don't want to offend anyone whilst at the same time wanting everything to be fair and reasonable.

However, in a few years time you will look back and think "How bloody DARE they do this to my child?" In MHO you should save time and skip to that mindset right now. Bullies love those who hate confrontation. Steel yourself and realise that you will have forgotten their name in a few years anyway, so speak your mind very clearly. Fire with fire I'm afraid.

change schools or home ed. you can't solve this one. they won't remove the bully and watching everyone at all times is not practicable.
move the child from the school then write to the education authority and ofsted explaining why.

sash thanks for the advice.

lovebunny I'm wondering, are they not allowed to remove a bully from primary school, or do you just think they won't?

minkymum they are the wisest words I have heard! You are so right. At this moment in time I am looking at DD thinking, HOW DARE THEY. I will get it sorted. I am a woman on a mission this time. I am not letting it continue.

Lovebunny it can be solved. My DD was bullied and I made sure it wassorted.

Moving a child is a major thing to do, especially before trying to get it sorted.

YANBU and have done the right thing. Can you go to the meeting with a partner, grandparent or friend? Make sure they allow you to speak. Make notes and summarise this chain of events. Explain that you are only prepared to send your child back to school if this is dealt with and that this is not 'girls will be girls' but intimidation which is guess what...? Bullying.
I feel for you and your DD. This is not acceptable. If they try to down play it and refuse to give you satisfactory reassurance, explain that you shall be talking to the local authority.