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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to rant about the miserable old fucker next door

57 replies

BalloonTwister · 06/07/2012 12:22

Am currently laid up after having my appendix out, all alone, and its all HIS fault. (that I'm alone, not the actual appendicits, obviously) Basically because of his wholly fictitious complaints dh is too worried about his job to take time off and my 1yo Dd has gone to stay with Mil because I can't look after her properly.

We rent, and it has been hard work ever since we got here. Originally his problem was Dh's work van, apparently it spoils his view. He called dh's company and complained, dh never parked it in front of his house again. Then he slashed (was seen by neighbour who doesn't want to get involved) vans tyres.

Parking issues escalate, next door complains several more times that dh is parked inconsiderately/ on the kerb/ across his drive/ on a corner causing an obstruction (all completely untrue) dh forced to park at work property 1 mile away and gets final written warning for bringing company into disrepute. (Boss refused to come and see for himself, claims old men of 75 do not make these things up for no reason)

so the upshot is I am now home alone, feeling sorry for myself and listening to his geriatric jack russel yap itself hoarse and having a good cry. Grrrrrrr

(So many more instances of his twatish behaviour, but post would be too long.)

OP posts:
frustratedpants · 06/07/2012 12:28

Perhaps you could complain to your local dog warden that Geriatric jack Russell is a barking nusance?

ThatllDoPig · 06/07/2012 12:29

Rant away.
Hope you feel better soon.

Go on the fifty shades thread for a laugh.

btw. .

The neighbour that saw the old man slashing the tyres but doesn't want to get involved!? wtf? That is a criminal offence, and they are a witness. And if they didn't want to get involved why tell you about it at all. I don't get it.

cheekybarsteward · 06/07/2012 12:33

There are quite a lot of issues here.
a) DH being given written warning that he would have had to sign to say he agreed with it?
b) final written warning which means there have been verbal and other written warnings?
c) you are being harassed by nutty neighbour, you should report it.
d) you must be missing DD? Sad
e) You need to make the most of the time to yourself by MN'ing all day Smile
f) i guess you cannot Wine on your painkillers etc so have some Thanks and I hope you feel better soon

JarethTheGoblinKing · 06/07/2012 12:36

Have you spoken with the police at all? If anybody was making my life a misery like this I'd get the police involved (non-emergency number, of course).

If I were your DP I'd get in touch with ACAS or CAB and ask about his emplyment rights - it's not on that he's got a final written warning about something that's entirely untrue - if that were the case anybody could call up companies and make any kind of claim (might be worth posting in employment issues so someone who actually knows what they're talking about can help).

Original poster
BalloonTwister · 06/07/2012 12:37

From what I gather he gave the lady in question a similarly hard time, but since we moved in he has more or less left her alone. She is a single mum and tyres aren't cheap. I love where I live, but he is making life so bloody difficult. :(

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 06/07/2012 12:38

Would it make it better or worse going to stay with your MIL? At least you'd have DD & no yapping dog?! but you would have your MIL, so it might not be a shit hot idea

Get well soon x

Frontpaw · 06/07/2012 12:38

Keep and note of the harassment and try the police. Even a 75 year old can get an ASBO!

Ormiriathomimus · 06/07/2012 12:39

If he was witnessed damaging the tyres get the police involved.

ThatllDoPig · 06/07/2012 12:46

The witness feels scared to tell the police that she saw the crime being committed for fear the same thing would happen to her? This is bullying and intimidation. I'd use this time to find out some more about cases like this,talk to the police, talk to other neighbours about their experiences with this man. He needs to be held accountable for his actions, and the way he is affecting people.

Original poster
BalloonTwister · 06/07/2012 12:46

Dh didn't go straight to final, it went verbal and written first, he contested the first few, because he wanted to keep the right to park at home. (Which he lost in the end anyway. It is a pita driving past your house and then taking a 15 min walk back every night. It'll be even worse in winter :( )

If he wasn't getting on a bit I'd report it, but up until now I've put up with it, because he's old. I guess it is too late to report all the stuff that has gone on before, but if the miserable old bastard tries any more of his bollocks I'll be on the phone. I have a strong suspicon he might be the village poisoner. (Of cats, not people)

And yes, I miss her like crazy. :(

OP posts:
SusanneLinder · 06/07/2012 12:51

I couldnt care less whethere he is "getting on a bit". he is making people's lives hell whethere he is 17 or 75. He MUST be reported, and I would keep a diary of everything that has happened.

Certainly don't want to do diagnosis by internet, but it is possible that this old man is mentally ill or has started some form of dementia as that can cause some very unreasonable behaviour?

Does he have any family that you can have a word with?

NoraHelmer · 06/07/2012 12:58

Balloon - does your landlord know of the problems with your neighbour? Would he/she be on your side if you were to make a complaint?

The Police advised us to keep a diary of all acts by our neighbour. We started getting problems a couple of weeks after we moved in which, in a year, escalated to him threatening me with violence, all because he objected to our building works. It has gone quiet now, but I think what you need to do is speak to your local PCSO and get some advice on what to do next.

Hope you feel better soon Thanks

ThatllDoPig · 06/07/2012 12:58

Old people are still people. I've never understood why abusive nasty people get let off the hook for their actions once they reach a certain age. Very noble of you to fell sorry for him as he is old. BUT it is at the cost of your time with your DD, as well as lots of other things, parking included!
Why are his feelings more important than yours? or your DD's if she wants to be home?
Sorry, don't mean to be pushy with this, I know you are feeling like shit. But I feel cross for you that you feel you have to put up with this treatment.

AmberLeaf · 06/07/2012 13:00

Get well soon OP Thanks

Sounds awful, I really think you should speak to the police.

Original poster
BalloonTwister · 06/07/2012 13:01

He lives with his wife. She's only ever spoken to me twice. I've never seen any visitors. They spend a lot of timeand effort on their garden though, and complain weekly to my landlord that ours is overgrown. Apparently the grass needs cutting daily!

I don't think either of them are mentally ill, they are very well turned out and house is immaculate. from what i can see through the window They were fine at first, I even got them some shopping when it snowed, its just been the last six months or so.

I can't go to mils, I can hardly walk or stand, and getting on and off the loo is torture. Besides, dd wants to be on my lap the whole time. :(

OP posts:
NoraHelmer · 06/07/2012 13:01

I meant to add that the majority of problems on our road have been instigated by the curtain-twitching retired people, mostly aged 65 and upwards. They seem to be the worst because they have little else to do but watch everyone else. Our neighbours on the other side, who were nice, moved house because they had had 10 years of bullying nastiness from an elderly couple on the other side of them. Bastards.

AmberLeaf · 06/07/2012 13:04

getting on and off the loo is torture

That brought back memories. Ouch!

Had mine out years ago, much sympathy.

SusanneLinder · 06/07/2012 13:08

I would definititely let your landlord and the police/your local council know whats going on.They sound a nightmare.

I lived in a flat where we had an elderly couple below us, and we had to get the council involved as they complained constantly about us walking accross our floor, and my toddler learning to walk (and falling). They complained about my DH coming in from work late (11pm), and apparently he should have gone straight to his bed, not have supper cos they could hear his footsteps (carpet btw). They were a nightmare!

Original poster
BalloonTwister · 06/07/2012 13:49

Dh wants to draw a big phallic symbol on his lawn using a supersoaker and weedkiller but I've talked him down! Grin

Will keep a record from now on, but is there much point in writing down the stuff thats already happened? Some of it sounds really petty, (Like him spending the day cutting bricks up in the garden with a brick saw when we were having a little tea party in the garden for dd's first birthday last month, then burying them in his new rockery a week later) but all the little things have mounted up, and today it's really got to me. (And the bloody dog is still yap yap yapping!)

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 06/07/2012 13:59

I would have phoned adult SS services and said that you are really worried as he is delusional. He is also exhibiting strange behaviour.

I would have taken photos of where the van was parked and shown the boss.

I would start to keep note of everything. If he does develop dementia, he may escalate everything and you will not have proof. The fact that he will slash tyres is a worry.

Original poster
BalloonTwister · 06/07/2012 14:06

We've had 6 new tyres on the van. Fortunately the company pays for those. I've also had self tapping screws in the tyre of my car twice, when I parked outside (half in front of my house, half outside of his...it was the only space) so Dh could park the van on the drive! Incidentally, our gardens are raised about 2ft above pavement level, so he could only have had the roof of my car in his line of vision, and his car is always parked on the drive so its not like he was inconvenienced! Angry

OP posts:
NotAnAxeMurderer · 06/07/2012 14:09

What a horrible, vindictive man. Second the others that you need to make notes. And keep informing the local policing team so that everything's on record. Vile behaviour.

garlicbutt · 06/07/2012 14:22

Turning 75 doesn't make you change character.

How much nerve have you got? Assuming you can get copies of the letters he wrote to DH's boss and your landlord, you have evidence of his ridiculous complaints. You could also get a written, anonymous statement from your witness - along with her history of abuse from this man. Even better if you've got photos of your van's usual parking position and your garden in it's supposedly overgrown state.

Take the lot to the community police liaison person and lodge a harassment complaint (no need to take action yet). Give a copy of your statement to DH boss, informing him that the final warning was invalid and being sacked for an offence he hasn't committed would be unfair dismissal, thus actionable.

Go for the fucker. But use due process, don't descend to his level.

TheCraicDealer · 06/07/2012 14:23

I would definitely get the po-po involved. He sounds like a right crazy horse who will soon find something else to gripe about, even if your DH does park well away from the house. It's not right that the whole street lives in fear of one 75 year old man!

Groovee · 06/07/2012 14:33

My friend had a neighbour who caused them hell from the second they had the keys. They tried mediation and everything but it resulted in my friend swapping houses with her mum and dad until they could sell the house and move.