Posting here for quick answers. Probably am bu

[DozyDuck]

I am totally willing to accept that I am being ridiculously unreasonable because half of me thinks I totally am!

Bit of background first. So not to drop feed. My son has ASD, neuro regression (reason unknown as of yet) and a heart murmer. As well as this a couple of months ago he got a fever (first one since his initial regression) and got quite sever febrile convulsions which ended up with an ambulance trip to A&E.

I live on my own with my little boy and I can't describe how scary it was to wake up to a fitting child (who I'm very very protective of after being told that he would die in childhood after his initial regression, that's not much of a risk now as he's come on again since then but a reason behind my unreasonableness iyswim)

My boyfriend has 3 children of his own. I have one child with SN. My boyfriend text me earlier saying he is on the way to pick up his son from nursery as he has hand foot and mouth.

Now usually I go to my boyfriends house on a Friday night when DS goes to his dads and help out with his kids on Saturday morning then go home to housework sat afternoon before DS comes home.

BUT I just want to protect DS from anything that could give him another fever :( I just don't want to go through that again. So I'm thinking of telling my bf that I can't go tonight but can see him next Friday. (BF hasn't seen his son since sunday so wouldnt have been infected yet I don't think until he comes into contact now)

I know my bf is going to be upset and try to convince me to come round as we don't have much time together and tomorrow is his sons birthday. I also know that if eventually things become serious and we live together there will be no way of preventing things like this happening, I also know that DS goes to school and WILL get a fever again sometime :(

I just can't bring myself to go round and potentially give my DS another fever and more of those horrible convulsions :,(

I'm being ridiculous aren't I?

Not being ridiculous as far as I am concerned, you are doing what you feel is best for your son, and your son is your priority.

I don't think YABU, I would do the same thing.

You're not being ridiculous at all.

How far away is your bf? Could you pop a present round for his son but not stay?

You could also probably benefit from a rest and some peace and quiet.

No YANBU, I would do the same.

I have his son his present last week as he is going to be spending his birthday with both his mum and dad on a day trip out but I think he wanted me to see him for a bit.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You're understandably protective of your son. While it may be a bit OTT in someone else's eyes, it's your feeling on it that matter because you're his mum and you're the one who could potentially be dealing with another febrile convulsion. Yes, your DS may be unavoidably exposed in the future, but that is then and this is now, and right now, it is voidable. Your call and yours alone.

If your BF cares for you - and especially as he has children of his own - he should understand. It's only one week. TBH, it doesn't sound like you'll be missing out on very much togetherness if you're going there to help him with his own DC. Do you get any child-free time to yourselves?

Bf lives half an hour drive away so a bit far to pop up anyway

Thanks for that I feel a bit less of a paranoid wreck telling him no now

Dahlen usually Friday night is our only night both child free :(

in that case stay home and enjoy your rest - you've earned it

What if your boyf texted with same reason not to see you because one of his kids was quite poorly & he needed to focus on them & protect them for now? Even if it was your birthday & you had big hopes & plans of seeing him?

If you could understand & accept that, then I don' t think yabu.

What Nancy said. I can understand it's disappointing, but you need time to yourself as well you know. Looking after a child with your son's needs is hard work, and it's just as vital you have rest as it is to have fun. Get a good film, a glass of and indulge yourself. It's only one week and you deserve it.

yanbu to want to minimise the risk of yur son getting ill

yanbu, do whats best for your son

x

My bf has had to come late quite a few times because of kids/ ex being unwell and I've always told him to never apologise to me for that because the kids come first and that means if their mum is unwell he HAS to be available to help with them. I think that's why we work so well because we understand each other when it comes to the kids and I wouldn't be with him if he was the type of person who didn't put the kids first.

Just spoke to him now. He said he would be infectious as would his little girl who also now can't go to nursery for 7-10 days and he can't see his eldest child this week either now (different mum) because his mum has 2 young children too and doesn't want them to get it either.

He said he's gutted but he totally understands and that I'm doing the right thing thanks everyone I feel a bit less neurotic now

Wine and rubbish TV for me tonight

He sounds lovely :)

Not that it matters now, but YWNBU :)

I hope your DS stays well & strong x

Thank you chipping

My ds had very mild hfm last week and had 2 complex febrile seizures. Definitely the right thing to stay away.