MN Jury - your thoughts please.

[Vagaceratops]

I genuinely dont know if IABU so you can help me decide.

I am a SAHM and carer to DS2. About 2 months ago his teacher approached me and told me that they were going on a school trip and that if DS2 wanted to go I would need to come along as his 1-2-1 for the day would be needed to help other children to work the ratio's out. I said I would speak to DH as someone would need to pick DD up. The school trip is this Monday.

DH said that was fine (he was SE and can be flexible).

In the mean time DH has got himself a new job. His start date was the 1st August so everything was still okay for the school trip.

He came home last night and tells me that he has bought forward the start date to his new job and he starts today. His exact words were 'I wont be able to pick DD up, sorry'.

So now I have had to run around to try and find someone to take DD to preschool and pick her up. The reason I am cross is that I fee like its his problem too, not just something he can pass back to me. When I said 'what are we going to do he said. 'Its not my problem, its yours'

Now I know that his job comes first, thats fine. But I feel like on that day I am already 'working'.

Your Dh is being a complete tool here.

Actually, if anything, it's not your problem. You were already committed to something else for the day in question and HE was the one who was committed to picking up your DD. He's now broken that committment and needs to sort it out himself!

UANBU

Dh is.

And agree that the school is BU too. While it is standard to request parental help for a school trip this isn't with the threat that if you don't help the dc can't be part of the trip! If he gets support at shool then that person is there for him, and getting paid for that.

I think DH should have told his new work that he couldn't start today.

Whether he's unreasonable in expecting you to sort someone else out to pick up DD depends ... I am on good terms with all of my DC's friends' parents and have all their mobile numbers stored in my phone. DH can barely recognise their friends, let alone their friends' parents. If DH couldn't pick a DC up for some reason, I'd be the one to sort it out because that just makes more sense.

The school should have put out a letter asking parents to help. There will be relatives of children that would be willing to do this, not just parents.

If they are so short of helpers there should be posters put up, asking for help, it doesn't just have to come from the class that is going on the trip.

The school cannot use your son's 121 support for this and effectively make you responsible for your son.

If he didn't have this, what would they do, have no school trips?

Your DH should have discussed it with you, but he is right that he shouldn't be responsible for changing arrangements to suit the school, different if you were ill.

The support for disabled children is often used like this and it is wrong and illegal.

If your son cannot go on a trip, then the LEA is breaking the Equality Act, formally the Disability Discrimination Act.

The school was BU - but in a sense you have made your arrangements with them now. Might be a good idea to have a word with them to make sure that this doesn't happen in future.

But your H is being VVVVU. I am for you.

Your ds is funded for 1-2-1 care, so his care is in effect in place for this trip. It is the other adults to make up the ratio of care for the other children whose numbers are low is it not? We always get asked to help other wise trips and other activities can't take place so it's normal to expect, but if they are short of adults, it applies to every parent of every other child on the trip, so I hope the school have said the same to them. I don't think you are more obligated to go or should be told your ds can't go if you cannot go as his carer as this is discrimination surely?

Your DH is being thoughtless and VU!