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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I genuinely want to know ?

86 replies

crikeybill · 06/07/2012 11:05

Ok So i work in a busy NHS hospital office.
There are 3 managers that work together and have to cover each other, of which I am one.
One of the managers has handed in her notice and leaves next week, this leaves me and another woman. We are not replacing her ( thanks Budget cuts !)
Other woman is pg and goes on maternity leave end of November, this means it will be just me for the whole of 2013. No problem with that, she is entitled to have dc go on maternity leave etc. Although the workload will be interesting We dont really get on to be honest and infact we rarely speak unless its work related. We have separate offices so can avoid each other quite easily apart from at meetings.

Anyway she and I both have school age children. Hers is 5 and mine are 8 and 9. I got in today and she has booked the whole of the summer holidays off apart from 1 week !!! Plus that week is overlapping with mine which i understood couldnt happen !!!! She hasnt asked me what I am doing, she hasnt asked me if this is ok ( we will have to cover each other now the third one has gone ) and frankly im fuming.
I spoke to our line manager who said that as far as he is concerned it is first come, first served !! he is rubbish though as he hates confrontation so will have just let her have it !

I am so angry. I am angry that I will be working most of the holidays, apart from the 1 week I booked back in March. I am angry that she doesnt feel that as it is now just us two she should have spoken to me. I am angry that my crap line manager has allowed it to happen !!

I really want to email her to point all this out but dont want to sound petty and im genuinely wondering if I am being petty ????

Am I being unreasonable ??
What would you do ?

OP posts:

Onthebottomwithawomansweekly · 06/07/2012 11:48

Check your employer's holiday policy.

I work for a large financial institution and there is a condition that anyone with school age children is entitled to have 2 weeks holidays in July and August. (they don't have to take it then, but if they want to, management must ensure they are able to). It's also first come first served but we all try to be flexible and considerate where we can - your manager sounds v poor, and your colleague sounds extremely selfish (if she's realised she was shafting you).

However maybe have a nice chat with her first - try "Hi, can I talk to you about your hols, you may not have realised but the way you've scheduled them means I can't take 2 weeks off at a go to be with my family. Can you reschedule some of your shorter breaks to allow this?" She might not have realised that you won't be able to take leave during the summer. Even spin her a bit of a sob story (how good an actress are you?!) - you want to visit elderly parents that won't be around forever, you haven't seen your DP for more than a couple of hours and you want to have some family time to work on your marriage...

Then if she won't oblige, talk to your manager again and say you've tried to schedule your leave but your colleague won't/can't reschedule, and what provisions will your manager put in place to enable you to have your holidays.

You say he doesn't like confrontation - well give him a choice of confronting her or you! (be tactful though, don't shoot yourself in the foot by appearing to be the troublemaker).

Let him know that the usual procedure was that you discussed it amongst yourselves but that this appears to have fallen through this time (so that he realises it's not YOU being awkward - might also get him to put something more formal in place for the future).

Then if he doesn't help and HR won't help, I'd make sure that whatever hols you CAN take are inconvenient for him! (i.e. the minute her maternity leave starts, so that he HAS to have cover in place for her!) But I'm mean that way

Onthebottomwithawomansweekly · 06/07/2012 11:49

Oh, if she booked hols that overlap with yours while you were off, I'd bring that up with your manager - ask him how this is going to be covered.

If he's got an arrangement in place for this, then ask him to apply that arrangement to your other hols as well.

SueHeck · 06/07/2012 11:53

Only in the public sector could you book off an entire summer holiday!

Original poster

crikeybill · 06/07/2012 11:56

Oh my actual god. I just went and spoke to manager. Raised some of your points, especially about the overlapping and cover.

He said that she is finding this pg stressful and needs a break thats why he has let her have so much time off. Apparently some of the leave is special leave that she has applied for and is unpaid for !!! She needs it as she has no one to care for her DC during the summer and this will make her stressed and upset her during pg !!!!!!!!!!!! WTAF !!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

itdidntworkout · 06/07/2012 12:00

How about you getting stressed and upset at not seeing your DCs during the summer break! Liase with HR to see what can be done as it seems your manager isn't going to do anything about the situation.

Original poster

crikeybill · 06/07/2012 12:02

Indeed !
Ok thanks, I think Im going to leave this now and go and have a chat with HR. Sitting here moaning isnt going to help me much. Thanks for all your help.

OP posts:

Losingitall · 06/07/2012 12:02

YANBU. She's selfish & inconsiderate. I'm a HR Director if it happened here I would intervene! But who gave her paternal leave!? Holiday care is not a sufficient reason IMO

mummytime · 06/07/2012 12:04

Go and talk to your doctor or occupational health about your stress at not being able to care for your children over the summer. then go back to your line manager.

I would also start to apply for other jobs, which of course is exactly what they don't want.

picnicbasketcase · 06/07/2012 12:05

Even with her stressful pregnancy etc this shouldn't be allowed. You should be just as entitled to leave over the summer. I hope your HR person is a bit more reasonable than your manager

girlpancake · 06/07/2012 12:06

I kind of thing that, though she's within her rights to apply for unpaid leave if she wants, that unpaid leave shouldn't go on the holiday rota. It's special leave, not holiday.

Go to HR. Explain that this is going to be an ongoing problem as you are going to be on your own next year, and whatever contingency arrangements are going to be brought in next year need to start happening now as she is taking special leave now. I would also say that you have x amount of holiday left to take and you really have to take some of it in the summer holiday. You can also say that this has always been co-ordinated in the past, and this is a significant change to the usual practice which is not possible for you.

MammaTJ · 06/07/2012 12:09

YANBU, but I can see her posting about this...................

I am pregnant and have children. I am on my own and need the whole summer holiday to look after my children, so as not to be stressed when pregnant. The other manager only booked one week of the holiday, so I thought she only wanted one week. I booked all of the holiday as soon as I was able to and I am not even being paid for all of it. We don't get on, so I didn't talk to her about this first. Now she is making a fuss about it. AIBU?

Flyingwithoutwings · 06/07/2012 12:12

How awful that this has happened when she knows you both need time off in school holidays
I would try and have a calm, reasonable chat about summer leave. The moment she starts arguing you need to walk away, you won't win if that's her mindset.
If she doesn't budge, hand in a holiday request to LM anyway. If it gets refused, raise a grievance against LM for unfair treatment. That will force HR / counter signing officer to get involved and hopefully mediate a fairer outcome.
Good luck and let us know how you get on xx

MoreBeta · 06/07/2012 12:17

She has done this so she does not have to pay for childcare over the holiday. That is the ONLY reason she has done it and her pregancy is the excuse. The specific patterns of 2 weeks here, 3 days there has been chosen presumably to fit around times she has cover from her DP/Dh, grandparents, friends, or is actually going away on holiday abroad.

Presumably that means you will have to pay for childcare throughout the holiday - which is unfair.

In effect she seems to be putting in a marker for bagging every holiday going forward as well which adds up to quiet a few thousand pounds she is saving.

Original poster

crikeybill · 06/07/2012 12:22

Its the bagging of holidays that worries me. In the past she has done this a lot but we have always had manager number 3 to use as a fall back ( thats probably why she left poor love ! )

I really want to send this

As * has now handed in her notice and will be leaving from the 16th July it falls to you and I to cover each other as a presence in the office.

As you are aware we both have school age children and need to organize care for them during school holidays as well as taking into consideration the rest of the office staff. Can I make a suggestion therefore that for the remainder of the year before you go on maternity leave we discuss annual leave requests of a substantial length with each other before putting them through for authorization.
This then enables us both a fair opportunity to find suitable childcare for our children during the school holidays.

Thanks,

Is that pathetic or aggressive ??

OP posts:

MoreBeta · 06/07/2012 12:23

In fact as her child is 5, presumably it is now likely at school and this will be the first summer she has faced this problem. Before that her child will have been at nursery/childcarer partly paid for with the childcare allowance but now that will have run out so that is why she is doing this.

It is purely about money.

Ephiny · 06/07/2012 12:23

If it's already booked and approved there's probably not much you can do about it now, maybe worth talking to your manager/HR about coming up with a fairer system for the future though.

girlpancake · 06/07/2012 12:27

Even if it's booked and approved I would still talk to HR because it's NOT holiday, it's special leave. You may have to co-ordinate holidays, but this isn't holiday, it's stress-related unpaid special leave, and it shouldn't impact on your holiday.
You need to ask HR and your manager what cover will be arranged when she goes off on maternity leave. Then ask them to implement that arrangement for 2 weeks in the summer.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/07/2012 12:28

But MoreBeta and others, how do you know she is using her pg as an excuse? She applied for "special leave" for which I understand she has some medical basis e.g. what if she really is suffering from stress and/or ante-natal depression? If she did not have a good reason for special leave, presumably it would not have been granted? And if she is, given that OP and this lady are not really on speaking terms, the OP wouldn't know about any of this? I guess I'm making some assumptions here too.

I agree the co-worker has not handled this in the best possible way for you OP - it would be so much better if the lines of communication were more open between the two of you.

And ignoring my first paragraph, I do agree it was sneaky and cheeky to wait til your day off to book it all!

Original poster

crikeybill · 06/07/2012 12:29

Her ML will be absorbed by the rest of the team apaprently. We havent got funding for a secondment or temp so it will get distributed all over I guess.

OP posts:

girlpancake · 06/07/2012 12:29

BTW, if you're doing this at work, I would make very sure no-one sees it on your screen. My manager would have a fit if she thought I was posting about colleagues' stress-related issues on a public site.

Original poster

crikeybill · 06/07/2012 12:29

Ok HR it is. Thanks again.

OP posts:

girlpancake · 06/07/2012 12:30

If her ML will be absorbed by the rest of the team, then her special leave also has to be absorbed by the rest of the team. Not just by you missing your holidays with your kids.

Original poster

crikeybill · 06/07/2012 12:30

Point taken. girlpancake. I am in my own office though..........feels all paranoid about thread........

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 06/07/2012 12:34

Good luck. She is being completely unfair and chose a time when she knew you weren't in to bagsy everything for herself.

I hope HR comes up with a solution for you.

SweetGrapes · 06/07/2012 12:35

Report the thread and ask for it to be deleted. Presumably it would be very easily identifiable as you.
And book your holidays over her special leave in any case and if rejected talk to manager and hr and make a big stink.

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