Thank you notes-my job or our job?

[Molehillmountain]

It was dc's birthday on Sunday. I have just had a text from dmil (although she is as a mother to me-this is not a mil bash) asking me to send a thank you note to a friend if hers who wonders if we received the card and fiver. I wrote the cards on Sunday despite having relatives and friends for a birthday tea and asked dh to post them. So why is it me that gets the reminder imbuing it is my responsibility to write notes and in any case, is four days not a bit soon to be reminding.

Implying

And why do I now feel guilty for not having posted them myself?

It is not your job, I agree. It gets up my nose that do frequently these things fall to women. And I agree 4 days is a bit soon.

I would text her back and say "I am ahead of you, got them written on Sunday. DH took them to post on Monday". And leave it that.

Perhaps you could text her back "DMIL, I wrote the thank you note on Sunday, during DC's party. It was your son's responsibility to post it, if it hasn't arrived yet I suggest you speak to him".

Actually, I agree with you. Why should it be up to you to write all the thank you notes? Your DH's side of the family, then he should take the initiative and do it himself.

Maybe she saw you writing the cards and just wanted to make sure you didn't forget her friend?

I can imagine my gran being a bit like that!

4 days is jolly fast.are you saying why didnt your DH get the text,or that your daughter is old enough herself?

Phew-I'm glad you say that, because I sent text back a couple of mins ago saying "I wrote note on the evening of dc's birthday. Dh just needs to post it". I'm hoping that makes me direct and assertive rather than passive aggressive! It was slightly knee jerk and unlike me but I was just putting three children to bed and felt slightly uncharitable.

I think you are a bit sensitive about it. I think she probably feels that you would remember it more than her son. Just text her back and said that you and your husband got it covered.

My sister is a bit flighty so I would text her husband instead of her to remind her.

No-party on Sunday, reminder about thank you notes on Thursday! Fast indeed! And I'd flipping written the things. The same day!!!

writing thank you cards is an area I need to improve. However when we received our first baby present from a wee old lady my DH met at work my auntie told me the card HAD to be written by me! I had no contact with the woman and felt very odd writing to someone I didn't know. I thought it should have been DH.

Aargh! I know now why I don't do direct! Reread text I sent and it sounds really pointed. I guess I knew it was really. Lovely dmil is really paying me a compliment I guess-assuming I'd got it covered.

God yes, pass the buck straight back to your postbox-avoiding DH - no reason for you to take the blame here. And MIL's friend needs way more to think about.

Sadly, to the older generation, it does often seem to be considered 'the woman's job'. I have argued with my parents about this, and MIL had a serious falling-out with SIL about it after new baby's birth- MIL thought SIL was responsible for writing all the thank-you notes, SIL thought her DH should write to his family and friends - he didn't write them, MIL blamed SIL.
However, I do think that 4 days and starting to chase is a bit quick off the mark- and in fact quite rude.

Ah Molehill it was my DCs birthday on Sunday too! But alas, I have not written the thank you cards. I say I because my DH couldn't actually care less about writing them, he just doesn't see the point. I had to force him to help write the wedding thank yous which took so long, even though I wrote them 'because you have nicer handwriting'. I managed to write some after DS1 and none since, I just didn't have the time.

My mother had the cheek to moan at me about not writing any, even though 'I know you're busy'. Yeah, no shit with a 2.0 year old and a 6mo and no sleep! It totally feels like it's my job to do, even though I am just as busy as DH is during the day and don't get the chance until boys are in bed to do anything really.

I really wish I did have the time to do nice things and I equally wish my DH was thoughtful enough to do them as well.

Your MIL's friend sounds like some women people I know, will go on and on for a bloody compliment, chasing up a thank you within 2 weeks is just rude.