AIBU about school and trainers?

[sensuallettuce]

DS1 in yr 9, DD in yr8. Beginning of yr 8 I fell out with DS1 house officer when she phoned me up to inform me DS1 had done no online homework.I politely informed her there was a problem with his login and she then proceeded to give me a lecture on what my reponsibilities were as a parent I told her I didn't appriciate being spoken to like an errant teenager. Since then DS1 has always said that she "hates" him and when DD started and she realised she was his sister she made unpleasent remarks about DS1 and DD says she feels like she dislikes her too. DD has never had a DT, DS1 has had 2 in two yrs both for handing H/W in late, have never had a complaint about their behaviour and both score above avereage academically.

Generally sounds like not a very good teacher and on parents eve she has barged in and interupted DD's form tutor whilst he was talking to me much to his embarrassment. She also tells kids "they will do no better than working in Mcdonalds" and points out kids in her house assemblies calling them "rotten ones" (inclusing DS1 :()

Recent inclement weather resulted in DS1 presenting me with his shoe this morning which had a large gap between the upper and sole of the shoe. He asked me could I write a note asking for a trianer pass, said loads of other kids have them for various reasons and some kids just wear trainers and don't bother asking. So I wrote a polite note asking for a pass for today and tomorrow until I can take him shoe shopping on the weekend (work full time and unable to take him before then).

He gave her the note and she scewed her nose up and said "WHAT?! I don't think so?!" and made him wear an old ill fitting pair from lost property all day and then made his spray them with some spray when he gave them back this afternoon. Others kids were given trainer passes today.

I want to email the school and complain and say there should be a rule for everyone, not just the ones she likes. DS1 doesn't want me to as he said it will make things worse for him tomorrow :( I feel like she is being a bit of s bitch bully and I want to email and complain.

AIBU?

Should add - there WAS a problem with his login, is was corrected and there was no apology.

YANBU I would email the head of year and say DS will be wearing trainers till the end of term as it is only a few weeks away and I don't have time to take him shopping, as I have now lost the will to do it this weekend due to house officers appalling attitude to DS today. If the house officer makes him wear shoes that do not fit again then you will be billing them for the visit to the pediatrist to sort out his sore feet and he may have to have time off school for the visit

Were the trainer passes authorised by the same member of staff?

I would start by emailing teacher (copied to some other suitable recipient) asking for clarification on parameters for trainer pass, whether DS was treated differently to others requesting one this week (and if so why), an reiterating need for him to be in trainers on Friday.

Explain (nicely) that you do not want him wearing shoes belonging to another person (you could add 'unless you can guarantee that you have checked with the owner that they cannot be harbouring a fungus' but that might be over-egging it a bit).

Not sure if the same person but same house at least .....

She sounds very like the woman who was ds2's Head of Year from years 9 - 11. Having never had any issues with any of the schools that my two dcs attended (2 x primary, 1 x secondary) I was astonished to find myself existing in a time-consuming world of petty notes, peculiar ad hoc restrictions (no sweatshirt no access to the dining hall) and a positive obsession with ds2's large and very wide feet and what went on them coloured the last three years of his schooling.

I wish I had been firmer, sooner and stopped all the nonsense which appeared to be based on her fondness for disliking certain pupils and making her dislike very clear. She was a bully yet like all bullies, when confronted, was a coward.

So in your case, OP, I would ask for a trainer pass for the rest of the term and if this is treated with the same contempt as the first one, insist on seeing the HT. This is not an action I'd recommend lightly but it is clear your ds1 is being treated unfairly.

Hmm - hadn't factored in it being so close to the end of term to buy shoes

every school has one, we had one that made DS life a misery,

the thing is that lots of the other teachers hated that teacher as well(they told us/small community), they were also bullied by that teacher,

complain to the head that this teacher is unfairly targeting your children, write out what has happened, keep it factual, and unemotional.

the other teachers will thank you, as she is winding up children they then have to try and teach.

I'm guessing that Head of House is the same as Head of Year in my school, is your DS continuing in the same house for Y10? Will this teacher continue to be his pastoral head? If so then I would take it up with higher staff in the school, explain calmly what you have told us and that you are concerned that your DS is being treated differently because of a 'difference of opinion' between you and her. Hopefully she'll be spoken to and will back off on your DS, if not could you ask for your DS to be moved to another house?

FWIW re: trainers and some kids getting away with it while others don't. In my school some Heads of Year are more 'on the case' wrt uniform while others take a more lacsadaisical approach, making it really hard for us lowly tutors who have to try and enforce it and deal with angry students and parents who feel they're being singled out.

Yes we have her for all 3 years . I have asked them both about being moved but that means they would move reg class and they both really like their reg.

DS2 is due to go up 2013 - if he doesn't get into Grammar I will request he is not in her house.

I always wonder why people like this want to teach :(

Have decided to email - who else shall I cc in? One of the governors?