To rethink my entire relationship based on this?

[NameChange2020]

DP has just sent me a link to this video (Warning: links to a video hosting site & adult content) telling me it was really funny.

I watched 30 seconds in and wanted to throw up, it's someone 'trolling porn stars', he sets up what look like auditions and then basically says the nastiest things he can to them.

The guy clearly hates women.

What does this say about DP? I can't believe that he would find this anything but disgusting. It makes me feel like I don't even know him. We've been together 4 years and have an 18 month old DC.

Please tell me I'm overreacting.

Hope things looking better today, name change

Oh poor you OP. I really feel for you. I know it would cloud how i saw someone.

I think it is more than just an empathy fail Mrstp i think it is an active choice to dehumanise. I think people feel that once you go into an industry like porn then all things are fair game. You can be dehumanised and humiliated and it;s fun because somehow you are now less than human. The same way Romans would enjoy watching a midget with a club chase and beat an obese woman to death - there is an ability to justify enjoyment by that person being other in some way (racism etc works the same way).

Did you see the Louis Theroux porn thing? All the people seemed so vulnerable and damaged i cried. DP said he felt sad for days after. It was so depressing.

OP on a separate note my DP says some really distasteful things sometimes. He is in the army and the sense of humour (i wouldn't even call it that tbh) is dreadful, from puerile and just tedious to downright fucking offensive. Like giving each other nicknames like 'cot death'. I have explained to DP that stays there and DOES NOT come home. When he has been away for a while he has to have a few days to 'decompress' as he is such a monumental wanker. I honestly just don't recognise him. He also knows this - it's like he needs an army persona. Pathetic.

My father also has what my mum would (rather generously call) a 'sick sense of humour'. His idea of hilarious was to tell me mum had left and wasn't coming back till i would be sobbing then she would come home and he would be pissing himself laughing. She would totally accept it and just tut and roll her eyes - and in a way i'm more angry with her now.

Anyway - hope your DP can understand this. You say you have a child, how would he feel if it was them? (i hate having to use that example because you shouldn't only care about your family - but some people need it spelling out)

I understand completely why you are uncomfortable with this, OP. Softcore porn that's tasteful (rare) and is just sex is up to him in his own time but actively degrading and insulting a woman and sending that to your partner because you think they will find it funny? What on earth was the guy thinking! More likely to send it to a male friend but even then it's pretty disgusting. I would question why he finds that kind of thing funny. You can tell a lot about someone by what they find funny.

My ex partner was dreadful. He would often joke about how he could kill people and then feed them to pigs so there would be no evidence, as they even eat the bones. He'd also tell it graphic detail how someone would jump infront of a train and how the splatter would go everywhere. I'm not really a squeamish person. In fact, I'm really hard to offend but even this stuff turned my stomach. He found people getting beaten up funny and would actively try and make me watch some rough porn. I honestly had so many warning signs, I was more than stupid to stick around as he turned out to be a lot worse than someone with a bad sense of humour, but that's by the by.

Not to say your partner is a violent sociopath who hates woman but would he find it funny if he had 100% respect for woman? I enjoy situation comedy because I think people in society can do some really stupid things. I may laugh at someone tripping but only if they trip in a non dangerous way andf it's the clumbsiness I laugh at because I relate it to myself. Not to say I never laugh at offensive jokes but the rare occassion I do is because I can relate it to someone who was mean to me in the past and laugh at it being directed at them, not because I'm a nasty person.

So yeah, I'd seriously just keep an eye out and see if he does this kind of thing again. If he does, take him up on it and state you clearly have said you don't like this stuff and why on earth does he find it so funny in the first place?

Rant over. :)