To want to tell bfs dp to man up

[Breezeinthetrees]

v long story but bf has been ill for ages, only just diagnosed with gallstones and infection, been in and out of hospital alot recently but was rushed in with something serious a few days ago and is pretty poorly. before she went in she said-i cant go back in as dp cant cope with the children(alcohol issues). Anyhow two children off to relatives, one child comes to me(Im lp with3) child is quite hard work due to age.
Several things are bugging me-firstly he hasnt rang to either see how his dc is or tell me whats happening with my bf, child is vv constipated (i think because of being fed milk and little else except crisps/snacks) child wont go to bed as they let it sleep on the sofa and in their bed and I dont even have a timescale of how long shes here.

I so want to tell her dp to man the fk up, at the time she desperately needs him and hes flaking right out, hes home drinking when he should be cleaning the house, getting through the washing and visiting his dp, meanwhile im looking after 4 children singlehandedly. grrr, what is wrong with some people??

Even if you did tell him to "man up" sounds like the twunt wouldn't anyway.

I dont know about you telling him to man up but your mate needs to tell him to buck up or fuck off!

Well, in his case, "What's wrong with people" would seem to be "alcohol" loud and clear. I doubt he'll listen if you tell him he's an arse, though feel free to rant at him if you can spare the energy.

What would happen if you hadn't been willing to take the children in? I'd have been so tempted to say no, not just because 4 would turn me into a quivering wreck who was chewing the edge of the carpet by the end of day one but also to shock her into realising what a waste of space her DP is.

Tbh I don't think I could stand by and say nothing if my best friend was bringing her kids up with an alcoholic in the home. I wouldn't be telling him to man up I'd be telling her to get rid!

Yanbu for being pissed off and personally I would say something to him but at a later time.
Your poor friend doesn't need his shit at the moment and he's likely to take offence at what you have to say, possibly collecting the child from you but then your friend is going to worry about him looking after it. At least she knows that all her DC are being looked after in a safe environment.
Maybe this situation will make her think about her future with him, FFS if she is worried about going into hospital when she's ill because her useless partner can't manage then why is he there.
There's no excuse, I was hospitalised with the same problems as your F for a total of 6 weeks and my ex managed a full time job, kept the house clean, done shopping etc.. with 3 dc under 5, my sister helped him where she could. Of course he was stressed but he managed.

He's an alcoholic. Telling an alcoholic to "man up" will have no effect on him. Just a waste of your breath. Save it for telling the DC off, which would have more effect.

Tell him.. stop protecting him. He needs to hear it but then so does your friend.

To be honest, your friend obviously knows he's a waste of space but she most likely hasn't got the energy to deal with it at the moment.

I think you're bloody amazing taking on her little girl while she's poorly.

I wouldn't get involved with their relationship right now but just be there when the inevitable happens & they spilt up!

yes youre right he probably wont listen, wont take anything i have to say on board etc its very frustrating. i know they have been looking at getting him help but apparently he was offered tablets and thats it. imo she does need to tell him to shove off-that may or not be the wakeup call he needs to sort himself out. Obviously she is no where near able to talk to him at the moment but when she is better i will have to have it out with her. yes its hard and lonely being a lp, but far easier than dealing with 3kids and a alcoholic, i think its fear of the unknown that stops people leaving but there has to come a point where you put your kids first .

Her telling him -- yes.

You telling him -- will go right over his head.

You sound like a good friend Breeze, just continue to be there for her and hopefully she'll see sense when she's recovered. xx