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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cry over the housework?

32 replies

Monica2012 · 05/07/2012 14:20

Bit of background: DP works full time, about 50 hours per week, I work part time, about 35 hours per week. I have two days off per week, DP has one. I live with DP, no children yet.

On both of my days off all I seem to do is housework. I dust, hoover, iron, mop, do the laundry, dry the laundry...everything associated with housework. DP makes tea 5 days out of 7 and then helps with the pots afterwards.

I clean the house before I go to work, then after work. It seems never ending. Laundry seems to pile up from nowhere and pretty constantly is overflowing from the laundry basket.

DP does nothing apart from the tea and washes pots after. Very occasionally i've got home and he's done the ironing (very badly that I had to do it again while he wasn't around to as not to hurt his feelings), but that's not his fault. In the whole year we have lived together he has done the ironing ONCE, vacuumed TWICE, dusted one room (our bedroom) ONCE, and swept and mopped the kitchen floor TWICE. Mostly because i've sent him a text when I know he's finished work early so I think he can do something to help out before I get home and I have to do it all.

It's not just the him not helping with housework. It's the fact he leaves bedroom and kitchen drawers open after he's got something from them. Same with the wardrobe doors. I'll fold all his jeans and pile them neatly on a shelf in the wardrobe after i've ironed them, but next thing, he's pulled a pair from the middle of the pile and left the rest not-in-a-pile-anymore, but a mess! He'll leave beer cans around for me to move, same with glasses. The kitchen floor can be a right shit tip, but if he gets home earlier from work he'll just leave it. Because we don't have a clothes dryer or a line outside (no garden), everything has to be dried on the radiator (not do-able in hot summer), or on the maiden. Because of this, i've had a pile of clothes overflowing from laundry basket over past few days and also had a pile of clothes waiting to be put on maiden. He's seen them there, but not lifted a finger to put some wet clothes on maiden when others have dried, and he sees the overflowing basket when he puts his dirty clothes in of a night, so why can't he lift his finger and put a load in the washer? He'll have a snack in the night, but not put the crockery or food he's used back in the cupboard and it's still there after he's gone to work in the morning.

Today I was planning to go out for a few hours as it's my day off, but once again, the house is a shit tip and I feel i've got to get on top of it before I go off for work tomorrow again, or we'll run out of clothes to wear and i'll have to ban the (very nice) in-law's and friends from coming round as i'm ashamed of my dirty home. So, DP phoned and asked if I was still going out. I said no I wasn't because as always i'm doing the housework, and I started to cry. I got upset and said that he should help out more. I do ask him to do things, and have even sent him lists of things he can be doing if he'd like to help out a bit, but he does one tiny little thing, then leaves it mid-job and never finishes it. Also, he does get to finish work early in the afternoons a few days a week as he's self-employed, so I ask him to do something around the house, but no, he goes straight to potter around in his workshop doing his hobby.

I feel stupid being so upset about something stupid as this, but it's really getting to me now.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 05/07/2012 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cabbagesoup · 05/07/2012 16:18

go on strike!

I do occasionally and DH notices after 3 days he can't find clothes, the kids can't find trousers, no food in the fridge, floors are mucky from the dogs, everything gets a bit smelly..over flowing baskets that type of thing!

I used to cave after 3 days but I can now last 7 there is an art to striking, you don't mention your doing it.. you say nothing.. when it's noticed I just say "oh really? nothing for tea" maybe you could find your way to the shops?? and stick to your guns, no sneaky worktop wiping...

Grin
Krumbum · 05/07/2012 16:30

He should clearly be doing more housework. But you are cleaning too much anyway! You don't need to do that much cleaning, it's excessive. You need to relax that the house isn't immaculate all the time, it doesn't matter! Just leave it sometimes, housework is never more important than doing real things, seeing people, getting out etc. don't cancel things just to clean. Maybe if you leave it dp will do more anyway? Or explain to him how unfair he is being.

peeriebear · 05/07/2012 16:34

I have a DH, two DDs, a dog and a cat. On my days off I might put a load of washing on, I might run the hoover round, I might do a bit of washing up. Or I might not. My house is fine. It sounds like you are doing waaaaay too much.

mumnosbest · 05/07/2012 16:34

thought you were going to say you work fulltime and have 3 dcs. youre going wrong somewhere!

Dahlen · 05/07/2012 16:41

THe problem here is not the amount of housework needing doing, it's the fact that your DP is a lazy slob who seems to think it's your job to pick up after him.

Guiltypleasures001 · 05/07/2012 16:48

With a hug, you are sounding slightly manic about housework, I echo all the above posts, i think you need to stand back and breath deeply take a moment, and think about why you are needing to do all of this constantly, the way you have written your post is flagging up other things other than housework.

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