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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my Dsis she is a plonker and needs to get over herself.

25 replies

Vagaceratops · 05/07/2012 12:51

Dsis came over lasy night with my nephew (he is 8).

The boys were talking about holidays. Mt DN asked DS how much money he had in his bank account. DS replied about £8000. DN calls DS a liar, I said that he isnt a liar, its the truth.

This morning I heard from my Mum that DSis rang her to tell her all about how DS was showing off etc, which he wasnt at all, he just answered the question which was put to him. Why should he feel bad that he has more than DN. DS is good at saving and always saves his pocket money and his birthday/Christmas money. We have saved for him (10 a week since he was born). Whereas DN always spends his.

Dsis and her DH earn more than we do, so its not like I was 'rubbing her face in it' like she implied.

OP posts:
Teeb · 05/07/2012 12:53

Why does he need to know how much is in the bank account? It does seem a bit distasteful tbh.

MsOnatopp · 05/07/2012 12:54

I wouldn't think too much of it. I wish I had your DS's saving skills Envy

TheCunningStunt · 05/07/2012 12:57

Meh. Can I borrow a bit?Wink I think it's a bit silly for anyone to make an issue of money. It's not offensive for your DS to know how much he has, you shouldn't be offended your sister is offended. Just let it slide.

Original poster
Vagaceratops · 05/07/2012 12:57

She is always getting the hump like this.

I should have said. DN asked how much was in DS's bank account because DN is saving him pennies for his holidays in October, so it was part of the conversation.

OP posts:
Petsinmypudenda · 05/07/2012 12:58

Mountain out of a molehill on both sides

GrahamTribe · 05/07/2012 12:59

It's very rude to ask someone how much money they have. Tell DSis that instead of accusing your son of "showing off" she needs to teach her son some manners.

Original poster
Vagaceratops · 05/07/2012 13:01

I am not offended, just feel a bit annoyed that she gets her knickers in a twist over everything.

Like when we got a new car (because the old one died on the A46) she got all funny about it because she thought we had deliberately gone out and got a better car than hers, which we did not at all.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 05/07/2012 13:01

I do not believe you OP. Try harder next time. 0/10.

Original poster
Vagaceratops · 05/07/2012 13:03

Actually I am a bit miffed that she goes bitching about it to my Mum :o

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 05/07/2012 13:05

well, if is true, I suggest the £10 a week you are saving for your DS you put in a different account that's in your name and save that way, if you think he's going to still be a sensible boy when he's a teenager you might be in for a shock, might be worth saving it separately if you want to be able to give him a lump sum to pay for Uni/first car/deposit on a house. Otherwise you might find by 18 he has a lot of nice trainers, a wardrobe full of very fashionable clothes, a silly expensive bike, and a stupid amount of gadgets and games, but nothing left to pay uni hall fees.

Just saying...

VonHerrBurton · 05/07/2012 13:08

I thought that teeb, why would he know his 'balance'? Please don't tell me he's added it up/worked it out for himself, because that would mean you must have told him, at some stage, how much you put away a week for him? Also, I bet he has discussed it with his cousin/friends before, he's 8, fgs, that's a fortune for a young child. I wouldn't have butted in with 'he's not a liar, it's the truth' I would probably have said 'well, he saves up, we're not sure exactly are we? Ok, who wants a snack' or something.

It's in bad taste and will make him look like a show-off, through no fault of his own.

That said, your dsis shouldn't have got your Mum involved, that's rediculous and petty. Now it's a big deal.

Birdsgottafly · 05/07/2012 13:09

"I do not believe you OP"

I don't see why not.

I am a average earner, but opened a Halifax account that you have to pledge a monthy amount to, so £40 a month, when my DD's were 5.

Children do compare what they have and what they are getting, especially if they have parents that way inclined.

Not all children are irresponsible with money. It is risky to save that amount in your own name, because it would cut you out of the benefit system, if needed.

AKMD · 05/07/2012 13:11

What dontmind said. DS has a CTF but once it reaches a certain amount I'm switching the standing order to a separate account held in my name. I'm sure he'll be the sweetest, most sensible 18yo ever but if not I don't want him to blow eighteen years of saving on rubbish or drugs.

Back to the point...

YANBU but what a non-issue. Just ignore.

Original poster
Vagaceratops · 05/07/2012 13:16

He has a bank book with the total in it. We go to the ban once a month to put his saved money in so he can see what is in it.

Why shouldnt I defend my Son from being called a liar?

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 05/07/2012 13:16

Why shouldn't he know his balance? It's his money. He should know.

The people who have behaved inappropriately here are not the child who knows his financial situation, it is the child who has not been taught that you don't question others about their financial situation and the adult who feels like no child is allowed to have more money than their child Grin

It is important to teach children about money.

Mine both have bank accounts and are taught the value of saving, taught to examine their bank statements, know about interest, understand the importance of making good choices when purchasing, etc etc. If you start young, then you won't release someone into the 'wild' Wink who is unable to budget or understand the first thing about money and who goes out and gets pissed with their rent money. It's a vital life skill and you can't start them early enough, imo.

The only thing your child needs to know is that just because someone asks the question, doesn't mean they have a right to know the answer. But children often don't understand that. They still feel like if someone asks something, you have to tell them.

SPsFanjoLovesRussellHoward · 05/07/2012 13:20

I'm just jealous that a 8 year old has more money then me and is a better saver!

I put £10 in my savings a week and end up taking it out!

CherryBlossom27 · 05/07/2012 13:24

I'd love that in my account :o

In all seriousness though, do you think it would be better to have two accounts for your DS, one that you pay the £10 a week into and one that he puts his birthday/ Christmas money into?

I'm not sure it's wise for him to now he has that amount of money to his name at his age as what's happened as he's unwittingly made his auntie very jealous! I see your point that he's been asked a question and he's answered it honestly, but an adult might have not answered directly so as not to cause any issues.

DillyTante · 05/07/2012 13:31

Why on earth is it distasteful for an 8 year old boy to know how much money he has saved. Sounds like a good life skills to me. And so what if he blows it all, aside from the money the OP has saved sounds like he has saved a lot of his own money.

Original poster
Vagaceratops · 05/07/2012 13:39

He does have a separate 'deposit fund' which DH and I have paid into. I see this as 'his' money. I just hope that we have installed enough into him for him to be able to see the benefit of keep saving it rather than blowing it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/07/2012 13:44

I think it sounds a bit like bragging.. yes ok he may have £8k, but this was two children talking about how much money they have. I doubt there are very many 8yo's who know that they have £8k in the bank, or even have that amount of money. The cousin was probably expecting him to say he had 2.50 in his piggy bank.

scrablet · 05/07/2012 13:55

My DD says she has millions in her piggy bank (which is actually a cow). She has a lot of pennies, it has to be said...we have not got as far as a bank account, can barely save a tenner a month for ourselves!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 05/07/2012 14:08

It wasn't bragging.

He was asked a question and he answered it, it wasn't like the cousin said "I've saved X amount of money for my holiday" and he jumped in with "well, I've got £8,000 in my savings so there!"

And yes the question was inappropriate, the answer was clearly unexpected but they are eight. They are still a few years away from understanding that it's not deemed polite to ask someone else how much money they have.

I think the worst you can accuse him of is being proud to have saved so much, but why shouldn't he be?

More important is why your sister felt she had to complain to your mum and why your mum then felt she had to ring you and tell you about it. What did either of them hope to achieve from that?

VonHerrBurton · 05/07/2012 14:19

Of course you should defend your son if he's being called a liar - but goodness me, choose your battles, OP! I just think he may have come across as a bit of a bragger and I think I would have stopped it there and then by changing the subject and moving on.

I agree dc should be taught the value of money and is indeed a life skill. Endeavour to not come across to others as arrogant and a show-off is also a life skill.

mynewpassion · 05/07/2012 15:39

I think you should teach your child to not discuss his own money with family memberr. So should your sister. That's just crass behavior.

MissFaversam · 05/07/2012 15:56

Why on earth shouldn't he know? Like you said OP, he was answering a question.

Your sis needs to get over her jealous self.

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