To panic that my my life is falling apart and I can't see the wood for the trees

[FreckledLeopard]

Just need to rant a bit as am so stressed and my head is spinning.

So, current situation is thus: separated from DH, he moves out end of month (see lengthy, depressing threads here and here. Now told that I have no job from September (will be a newly qualified City lawyer - no job at current firm once I've finished training so am endeavouring to find a job with little success. DD finishes primary school in three weeks and I still don't know which secondary school she'll be going to since I don't know whether I will have money, where we will be living and if I might have to move out of London to find work.

Am so stressed out. I cannot see the wood for the trees. I need a job. I need some kind of financial security. I need a crystal ball. Or something.

I feel like a total failure. I'm 30, getting divorced, losing my job and don't know what to do with my life.

Rant over.

I dont have any practical advice, but I couldnt read and not post.

Youre not a failure. These thingd that have happened to you could and do happen to anyone and everyone.

I guess in terms of woods and trees you need to sit down and make a plan, stepy by step - whats the most important thing to get sorted first and how can you do that?

im sure someone mre helpful will be along shortly

oh, and YANBU to panic, thats natural but YABU to think youre a failure

Pre-law I essentially did academia (MSc, law conversion, LPC etc). I have a Magic Circle training contract and an Oxford degree but can't get a job. It's crazy.

Financial situation once DH goes will be scary. He won't give me anything and am not entitled to anything from him since we were married for so little time. Benefits - not sure what I would be entitled to, if anything, other than JSA.

Aagghh.

I have nothing practical to say but no one who has done a professional qualification whilst raising a child can be described as a failure. Well done. I hope you manage to get a job.

I don't know how useful I can be to you, but I'll try.

I have read your previous threads, including the one by your STBXH (Here on in to be referred to as "The Arsehole"!)

Sometimes I find doing something practical helps to make you feel in control.

Firstly, I know you have depression, which is being successfully treated. Make sure you stay in control of that, with the right level of medication.

Make sure you have a school allocated for DD by the LA where you are currently living. Were you intending to send her privately? If so, still do the above, but also speak to the private school about bursaries.

Buy the absolute minimum you can of uniforms. Remember, these can be refunded if they are not washed, named or emboidered yet, so obviously hold fire on those things.

If you do need to move, you can change schools, then, but cross that bridge when you come to it.

Why will moving out of London be best for a City lawyer? Or would you look at some other kind of law?

I don't need to tell you to keep looking for jobs, getting your CV out to all the agencies etc. Any positive and practical activity will help you feel in control.

As will rallying your RL friends to give you whatever support they can (financial, emotional, practical....)

I know its all up in the air, but you are not a failure. Remember, bad things happen to good people!

Hang on, have I got this right? You have just qualified as a lawyer while bringing up your DD. You must be a resourceful determined person to have managed that, and it's these qualities that will see you through this situation. Take a break and ask for help from family or friends to work out your plans for the worse case scenarios. Counselling may help you to regain your perspective, you could try Relate. Do you have a mentor at work who can advise you on getting a job or help you to tap into your professional network? Now's the time to ask for and accept help rather than try and pretend everything is fine and you are coping. Good luck

Thank you everyone. Don't have a mentor but am using all possible resources out there - career coaching, agents, interview skills. I have nice friends and family and everyone is very supportive but I am just so anxious. I hate not knowing when I'll get a job or what it'll be. I just compare myself to other people and I see lots of happily married, successful people and wonder why I'm not like that.

You are successful Freckled - you have achieved great things. Don't let yourself forget that.

Obviously keep applying for jobs. Concentrate on your local and surrounding area's first. Even if it's at a lower level than what your qualified, you can always keep looking.

Enrol your DD in a public School local to you, you can always change if you do need to move away. Someone already advised about uniforms. Check your local authority as there may be some help towards the cost. (I'm not entirely sure that anywhere still does it but it's worth checking)
Enquire about benefits, tax credits possibly. Sorry I've not read your other threads so forgive me if I'm wrong....if your ex is DD father then get onto the CSA if he says he won't give you anything.
Start making those calls now. Keep positive and keep trying Freckled it will work out and I hope it does for you very soon xx