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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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2 replies

EXmrsmascarahead · 05/07/2012 11:59

I have a DD(20) who is disabled, our local government has said that they will fund an extension to my property to enable her to live easier, providing us with a disable access bedroom and wetroom, however the costs of the extension is greater than the amount they can fund.

The organisation that oversees these works has spent the past 4 months trying to gain extra funding to cover the difference, with out any success. (something to do with the value of my property, income etc) so other options have now to be viewed. SS involment, personal loan or extension to mortgage.

There is however one other option that is open to me but I feel would be a sacrifice too far and would like to know from the MN jury if IABU or fully justified in saying NO we will not persue that option.

DDs biological father has never paid a penny of maintenance, he has on occasion bought her things or paid for riding lessons, some activities etc, but only on the condition that I have no involement in them at all, (paid through his mother) when he has got fed up with the financial drain he has withdrawn all funding for these activites.

In the past 17 years he has spent no more than 48 hrs/year in her company most of the time only spending 2/3hrs in her company, (his choice) playing daddy as and when it suited him to throw his weight around or when he had a new girlfriend.

I think I have covered the background, apologises if I haven't I am not trying to drip feed.

Biological father has a very very good job and could easily afford to help financially in providing the funds for the extension, however due to him being a violent man who likes to frighten and dominate women I am very reluctant to ask him for help. After reading threads on here, I know that he should have provided for his daughter but does that still apply after all these years?

AIBU not to go down this route?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 05/07/2012 12:02

I would be surprised if you get any help now she's 20 but you may be able to pursue child support due to her disabilities and not being able to be independant.

You should have done it years ago though. Well done you on raising and funding her on your own.

EXmrsmascarahead · 05/07/2012 12:13

I know that his mother would nag him to death in order to give us some help, he likes to look as though he's doing the right thing especially when there's a new girlfriend in tow, but I know there will be strings attached to any help he gives.

Maintenance was pursued years ago, at the time though it had an effect on benefits I recieved and he was just leaving uni and going on the dole, so CSA decided there was no money to be paid, not long after he went to work in the states and has only recently come back.

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