To think dp should've said no?

[mariaca]

DSS2 goes to the same primary school as his mum's other kids iyswim.

His mum got stuck in town (only explanation), and she asked DP to collect her DCs along with DSS2. He said yes right away which because of DSS' activities meant I was stuck with these two little kids I don't know for an hour.

AIBU to think he shouldn't've said yes?

YABU to have such an awkward attitude towards the siblings of your DSS2 and I have a hard time understanding why you feel this way.

YANBU to expect your DP to have checked with you first since he wasn't actually doing his ExW the favour by himself but, having said that, if you weren't actually "busy" then what was the problem with helping out?

Sounds to me like you are more annoyed that your DP is doing his ExW a favour, especially as you infer you weren't actually satisfied with her reason for being late, or lack thereof.

If that is the case, perhaps you might like to put yourself in her situation for a minute. Wouldn't you want an ExH that you could rely on too? And one that treated all of his children (regardless of blood relation) equally?

No drip feeding! DP just took DSS off (he drives and I don't or I would've taken DSS), I have never met the little ones before. No DCs of my own and DSS much older do had no idea what to do. Just think DP should've thought it through more.

There was nothing to think through though surely.

What was wrong with you looking after two kids that needed it?! Especially when they are sort of related to you.

She's not an XW or even an XP fwiw, DSS2 is from a fling. I don't know his siblings or mum at all.

You'd probably have felt differently if you had children of your own. I don't mean that in a nasty way, just that I understand that if you aren't used to children then being landed with two unexpectedly after they have done a day at school could be quite daunting.

"Why on earth would a mother necessarily want her ex's partner to know or have anything to do with her other children when those other DC aren't even related to the ex?"

because they are siblings to her ex partner.. I have a good relationship with my stepchildrens youngest sister, even though she is no relation to my husband. My MIL treats her as equally as she does her "real" grandchildren too. She is part of the family as far as we are concerned.

She's an ex, isn't she?

I can see where all the YABU's are coming from, but I still think its really off to offer to do something then dump it on someone else without asking

I'd be pissed off too op,if I was asked I'd do it happily, but I think Your dp was unreasonable

He turned up from school with DSS2 and two 4/5 year olds, it was a shock is all. The younger one weed on our sofa ffs! And it's not how I wanted to meet their mum.

Did you meet her for the first time when she picked them up or something then?

Yes it was the first time I've met her, was awkward all round. DP has apologised now though.

I should hope he has - I don't suppose the two children were very happy about it - they don't know the OP any more than she knows them, they were in effect collected from school by someone they "sort of know" and dumped at a stranger's house, and it would have been apparent she wasn't expecting them and didn't know what to do with them.
The one that weed was probably stressed out over the whole thing or too shy to ask where the toilet was or something.
I do hope their mother doesn't make a habit of just not picking them up and leaving them with anyone she can rope in to mind them for her.

YABU in so far that you don't know the half siblings of your DSS. They are a major part of hs life and are at the same school.

Ready to be flamed for this, but I think if you have a relationship with a man who already has a child, you need to be more involved in that child's life (if you live with said man)

However your DH was BU as he should have made it possible to meet the kids and your DSS's mum before now

I feel sorry for the child that wet your sofa, must have been very uncertain and unsure :( not blaming this on you OP, but on his mum and dad

I'm involved in DSS' life but not in the lives of his mum and siblings because he gets himself to our place and why would I be really? I know him very well obviously.

Corr, what a charitable soul you are OP.

How is the OP being uncharitable. I don't know many people who would like to strange young children being left with them.

Why would need to have a relationship with her DP EX wife children who are not related to her dp.

OP glad your dp apologised to you. I hope his ex thanked you last night.

Two even.

I don't get it either, where.

someone agrees to help someone out and instead of helping them out - just passes it on to someone else. Without a discussion, or even asking if it was convienent or if they minded.

Here you go, I said I'd do X a favour. You're doing it. I've got stuff to do. See y'later.

Erm.

I think not.

Rude much?!

I wouldn't do that to anyone. It's rude.

YABU. I can see how it could be a bit annoying, but really it's not a big deal. And it was only one hour. Hardly worth anymore than an inwardly sigh.

It's fair enough that he helped her out by collecting the children- but they are then his responsibility to look after. As Hecate says, it's no favour from him if you are doing the work.

Perhaps it will help cement amicable relationships between the two families , and Ex might help you in the future.

I think it's easy for parents to forget what an unknown quantity small children can be to non-parents.

Not fair on the children either, being dumped in an unknown house with an unknown woman.

No reason why she should know them, people's circumstances are different.

But no, he should not have said no and left them stranded, especially if this is not a common occurrence. He should have asked you really nicely and/ or looked after them himself.

I might be cross with my other half (and have a word with him about his responsibities etc, but I would still look after a couple of kids for an hour for god sake.