to stick to not 'lending' him money?

[glitternanny]

my OH is rubbish with money.

He gets paid on 12th and has had no money since the weekend. He's also lent out (to his friend) and used all of the £300 that was in his savings account for my birthday prezzie (it was in March - he hasn't bought me the present yet - that's another story)

He is going to sell his PS Vita (when he eventually gets around to being ready for me to list it on eBay) - so that'll eventually get him £170 - fees & postage - which will apparently go back into his savings - he's still owed £160 from his friend.

I lent him £50 on Sunday which is gone (2 x £8 painkillers £7 in pub - the rest he hasn't explained)

And now he wants more... I said no - I can't access the money (our holiday savings for a break in August) as its transferring between accounts - which isn't true but I'm so FED UP of bailing him out and although I get it back he's not learning to spend within what he earns.

I also KNOW his car tax is due this month and its his niece's birthday - 2 expenses which I'm guessing he's forgotten about.

WWYD? Stick to what you've said - which on Sunday was - here's the £50 that's IT - or carry on.

Lending him money is enabling him to be irresponsible with money, with no consequences. Don't pay his car tax, or buy him presents for him either. If you say he is rubbish with money, this is a common occurrence. Suggest he goes to Debtors Anonymous and learns how to keep his spending realistic.

Do NOT think that the answer is a joint account. It's not. It just means he will have access to the bill money (been there, stupidly done that, left him). My ex never spent anything on his DS either.

Stop lending him money!

Also - why can't he list on ebay himself?? It's very straightforward!

Is it that he fritters it away, or is it being spent on something regular and unnecessary like beer/cigs/betting?

My ex had a month where he blew £180 on something he didn't need, then came to me cap in hand for the mortgage money (the only household cost he paid) AND his son's birthday. He knew I had some money put away, he didn't know I was planning on using it to leave him. I refused, he sulked for DAYS.

He has a child with you, he either needs to get his act together or you need to do some serious thinking.

My exh was exactly like this, which is why I divorced him.

As of next month dh and I have our income paid into one joint account where all the bills and savings gets paid from, and then anything left will be transferred to our joint accounts on a percentage split. Tbh I generally control the money because he is never here.

actually yes boredandrestless is probably right, and my idea doesn't even need it to be a joint account either, i only put it like that because it's what DP used to do with his housemate before I met him

you just open another account in your name, and you both set up a standing order for half the amount of rent/bills etc to go in each month. that then gets paid out of that account.

whatever you each have left in your own accounts is yours

Are we talking about an actual man with a child here, or a teenager with a paper round?

FFS, of course you shouldn't give him any more money. You know how crap he is, of you give him more and end up in trouble yourself, you will only have yourself to blame. His car tax and nieces birthday is not your problem. Your only priority is your child, and not getting yourself into debt. This man child is not a worthy recipient of your money.

Do you think he gambles. Sounds to me from what you have said that he might?

Frankly, that is just stupid. How old is he? is he used to people to bail him out of every financial problem? I guess he is, otherwise he would be more responsible.

Anyhow, I had a manchild as a husband once, and this is how we sorted it for some years: All salaries would go into the shared account and from it, all the bills would be paid by direct debit. Supermarket bills and petrol also came out of that account (I still needed to be careful not to let him go to the supermarket on his own as he could easily run a bill of £300 pounds of weekly shopping for just the 2 of us)

Then from that account we also paid our respective personal accounts a quantity that we could use independently in whatever we wanted without consulting the other, whether it was a gadget or expensive shoes, or money put to going out etc. If he wanted something more expensive than his "weekly allowance" he needed to let the money build in his account to get it. And once the money was gone there was no adding to it until the next "payment" was due.

Naturally, he was mostly out of money being so careless without money but with that, we could ensure that we wouldn't be falling into debt or failing to pay bills. The money in my "weekly allowance" account was normally used to pay for holidays, or even once to replace a car.

But be aware that people like these do NOT change, they will continue to suck your blood for as long as you can. I gave my ex half of the savings when we split (a 5 digit figure), he managed to spend it all and run a credit card debt of almost £20,000 within 18 months of the split. Then he insisted I was responsible for half of it as it was a debt acquired before the decree absolute. He is still not paying child maintenance as he should, despite being living like a king. So... I wish you luck, but I think eventually this will become unbearable to you. Keep a secret account for rainy days, otherwise he will just assume that it is the reserve money to provide for more games and fun.

I can absolutely sympathise with you. My OH is just the same, he's always been lousy with money, but at least up until last year he admitted it and we were able to mitigate the issue.

His salary was paid into my account and I dealt with all the bills, he got pocket money paid into a savings account for him to access as required. Any time he needed extra money for something he'd ask and I'd find it from somewhere. It's no way for a grown man to live but he was OK with it.

Late last year he decided that we should separate our money and I was thrilled to agree. I'd been wanting to suggest it for a while myself as his spending was spiralling out of control but it was so much better to have it be his idea. I can think of only one reason why he suggested this, he thought he'd have more money to spend if he had control of his own salary, sadly, for him, it hasn't turned out that way.

Now we each have our salary into our own accounts. Direct Debits have been split with mortgage etc on the new joint account and otherwise things which are our own personal responsibilities coming out of our own accounts. On payday we each pay in a set amount for half of the joint expenses.

The first month of this arrangement he was broke a week after payday! I told him I would lend him money to bail him out that month but never again. He spends more than he earns every month, I've basically written off the last of my redundancy money, it's what remains of our joint savings, any time he needs extra money I lend it to him from that. Once that's gone he's going to get a nasty surprise as I refuse point blank to lend him a penny from my own money any more. With any luck that will convince him that divorce is a viable option, if he knows he can't squeeze any more cash out of me.

If I take the kids out, buy them McDonalds, get them gifts then I expect to pay for that myself, no problem. If he does the same he expects to be reimbursed out of some mystical slush fund, although where he thinks this slush fund comes from when he doesn't pay into anything like that I've no idea.

Sorry for turning this into a rant, it's too late for us, I've been enabling his poor financial management for far too long, you need to stick to your guns, he'll learn or you'll leave him, either way will be better in the long term than getting into a pattern where he permanently expects you to 'lend' him money that he will never re-pay.