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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I delete my exes on FBook?

19 replies

Monica2012 · 04/07/2012 17:47

I rarely use Facebook, and when I do, I do it on my phone. I can't see who i'm friends with on my phone, apart from those who post absolute shite a whole lot.

I have logged into my Facebook on a PC and looked in my 'friends' list and to my horror, two of my ex's are on there. I didn't even realise they were there as I signed up in about 2008, and they obviously mustn't post a great deal.

I am now in a relationship of a year, live with the lovely man, so my question is, out of respect for DP, do I delete these friends off FBook, as I wouldn't particularly be happy if DP had his ex on his. My DP is also my 'friend' on FBook. Many thanks for reading this rather trivial post.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 04/07/2012 17:48

Delete if they aren't friends.

MrsReiver · 04/07/2012 17:49

I wouldn't particularly be happy if DP had his ex on his.

I think you answered your question yourself there :)

usualsuspect · 04/07/2012 17:49

Delete them if you want.

Pandemoniaa · 04/07/2012 17:50

If they aren't friends and you have no contact with them then delete them. Don't delete them purely on the basis of them being exes alone. Having once had a relationship with someone doesn't necessarily rule out the possibility of remaining friends.

HecateHarshPants · 04/07/2012 17:50

I would say delete anyone who's on there who is not your friend, who you don't communicate with at all and you have no relationship with (any type of relationship, don't mean romantic).

If you've forgotten they're there, how much of a friend are they? Grin

I think regular culls are quite common on facebook.

I wouldn't do it out of 'respect' though. It would be disrespectful to flirt with them, snog them or shag them over the pool table while he watches from the bar, but not disrespectful to have them on facebook Grin

WorraLiberty · 04/07/2012 17:51

Your 'Horror'?

Seriously?

Either delete them or keep them, it's up to you.

I have no idea where you're getting the connection with 'respect' for your DP though.

YankNCock · 04/07/2012 17:52

I wouldn't delete them 'out of respect' for your DP, I'd delete them if you're not 'friends' and not interested in being friendly with them though.

Exes can be friends, it does happen. Ask yourself why it would be a big deal if your DP had his ex on FB. You've been together a year, you live together, so why be insecure about it?

Original poster
Monica2012 · 04/07/2012 17:53

Thanks for your replies. I have no intention of ever meeting up with these men again, so I will delete. Also, I feel some sort of disrespect to my DP for having them on there, because, although I know this is unrational, but I would not be happy for my DP to have his ex's on FBook, especially since he doesn't have any DC with any of them. Thanks :O)

OP posts:
Original poster
Monica2012 · 04/07/2012 17:55

I am quite an insecure and jealous person, so the idea of DP being friends with his exes gets to me. Lucky, DP is the same, so he understands, I think! Is it really OK to be friends with your ex and meet up in a friendly way with them, even if you're with a new partner?

OP posts:
Original poster
Monica2012 · 04/07/2012 17:56

Ha ha ha WorraLiberty! I did overexaggerate slightly there, didn't I?!?! :o

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 04/07/2012 18:01

Is it really OK to be friends with your ex and meet up in a friendly way with them, even if you're with a new partner?

Er, yes! After the dust settled, I remained very good friends with my first husband. I am also friends with dp's ex-wife. There are perfectly valid reasons why this isn't always possible but equally, you don't have to live your life as if Jeremy Kyle was a permanent resident in your sitting room.

YankNCock · 04/07/2012 20:39

'Is it really OK to be friends with your ex and meet up in a friendly way with them, even if you're with a new partner?'

Of course! My XH was just around this weekend to help fix my computer. And I went round to his a few weekends ago to help him do some DIY. DH has no problem with it, why should he?

I'm friends with a few ex-boyfriends as well. Just because a romantic partnership doesn't work out, it doesn't mean those people don't have qualities that make them good friends. In the case of my XH, friends was probably all we should have been in the first place. But I'm not sorry we got married, if we hadn't, I wouldn't have moved here and I wouldn't have met DH2.

HaveALittleFaith · 04/07/2012 20:47

I'm not friends with any exes but DH is still friends with one of his. They were together a long time and went through a lot together. She's married to someone else now and seems happy. It depends on how you feel about your exes as to whether it's ok to be friends with them!

NovackNGood · 04/07/2012 21:00

If you are not friends with them and don't want to stay in contact then delete them but don't delete them just because someone else may get jealous. Jealousy is their problem not yours and if the jealousy starts to become your problem get rid of the jealous person.

ivanapoo · 04/07/2012 21:11

I'm friends with a few of my exes. In most cases we started out as friends and have mutual friends, so it would be awkward if we weren't friendly tbh.

Having said that I was a bit jealous about my DH's ex in the early stages of our relationship. I realise now this was stupid but it was fueled by me finding out about them meeting up "in secret" (I.e. they'd stayed friends and when they met a few times DH just didn't bother to tell me but I found out through other means) and thinking something was going on.

HaveALittleFaith · 04/07/2012 21:16

Oh I'm wrong I am friends with an ex! But we were friends for years, went out for a couple of months then went back to being friends. I think it's ok if you don't have romantic feelings any more.

ReindeerBollocks · 04/07/2012 21:19

Ae they genuine friends of yours OP? If they are someone you'd call for a catch up then keep them, if they are people you added but forgot about just delete. It's really not worth worrying about, but it may be worth revising your whole friends list just in case.

I have an ex on my FB but generally we see each other quite a lot and are good friends.

quoteunquote · 04/07/2012 21:38

Are you friends with your exes? if so keep them,

I don't use FB much, my rules for FB, only people that come to my house are on it,

My ex comes round to my house so we are friends on FB, but he's also FB friends with my husband.

Nagoo · 04/07/2012 21:52

I like my exes, so I am friends with them.

I'm not jealous so I'm not bothered about who is on DH's FB. I've never even looked at his friends list. It didn't occur to me.

If it bothers you, delete them.

Why is it 'respectful' to delete them? I agree it's respectful not to flirt/sext/shag them. But have them as FB contacts?

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