to not want to go to this bbq?

[bunjies]

Background story is we moved to a new town last year from abroad and dd1 & dd2 started at new school. A couple of weeks later another family moved in and their 3 dcs started at same school. Their dd1 and our dd1 hit it off and became very good friends. We also became friends with the parents and had a couple of evenings round theirs and at the pub. After a few months though it all started to go a bit sour with other girl. She would deliberately exclude dd etc. I know, I know all normal girl stuff. It all came to a head when my dd was elected to the school council beating other girl by 1 vote. This was obviously the final straw for the other girl as from them on she didn't want to have anything to do with dd. Cue a very upset dd (who was already finding it hard to make friends because of moving) and angry, protective tiger mum. Shortly after this the parents moved their dcs to another school closer to them. We have no idea if this was as a result of issues with dd but they did say the schools were more convenient for them so fair enough. This was about 7 months ago. Since then we have only seen them a handful of times. They very kindly helped us move house in January for which we are very grateful. We invited them round for dinner as we still liked the parents even though my overriding instinct was to keep their dd away from mine. And i?ve seen them around town on a couple of occasions and stopped to chat. However, we have not been invited round to theirs since we first got to to know them. I?m feeling slightly aggrieved about this and thought they liked us but maybe I?m wrong. Anyway, we have now received a fb invite to a bbq which was sent out to all their firends. I don?t want to go as it will be full of people they knew from their previous town plus all the new friends from their dc?s new school. Both of which would not bode well for our dd who will probably feel even more excluded. I don?t want to put her through that. Dh, howvere, thinks i?m projecting my own feelings of rejection (which may be true) and that we should go. So, AIBU to not want to put dd through this? Incidentally we asked dd whether she would like to go explaining that there would probably be a few of the other girl's friends there and she said yes. I just don't want her getting hurt again. What should we do? Should i just get over it?

Let me have it .

I wouldn't go, but I'm not very sociable these days. It sounds like too much hard work to me.

You're aggrieved that they hadn't invited you to things, but now they have you don't want to go?
If you want to try and keep the friendship going, go to the barbecue, if you want to let it drift and not bother, then don't go.

helpful aren't I?

Maybe your feelings of rejection are the most important aspect of this to address: if you only became friends recently, it might have been partly due to circumstances - your dds were friends etc.
I think you're a little too absorbed in thinking about the dds - I doubt parents would move a child from one school to another because their dd is no longer friends with a particular child!
If they are involved in a new school and their dd has started making other friends maybe they want to support her in that and meet new people and it is more hassle having you over to theirs - plus awkward if your dds no longer get along.
Including you in the invite to the bbq might be a bit of an olive branch - and give you a chance to re-establish your friendship with the parents if that's what you want. The other girl and your dd might be able to mend bridges a little now they are no longer in the same school. Maybe you could 'drop in' for a little while, and keep your dd by your side.

Your last line is the only one that matters here imo.

If you don't want to go then stay home and let your DH take your DD.

Everyone's a winner.

i think i would go but yanbu to feel this way.its natural. thw girls will probably have 4gotten about it and get on well. the other girl will probably enjoy showing your dd off to her new friend and your dd wants to go. you and the other parents obvoiusly got on and probably will again.

go but be prepared with a good excuse if you feel like leaving.

I really feel it is mostly a bad idea for people to be so involved in their neighbours lives. Makes things so awkward if it goes sour. I think it is rare it works out well.

Don't go and my other feeling is the invite may have been sent to you by mistake? Maybe it was a blanket invitation? (I know little about FB).

I wouldn't go, forget them.

Thank you for the sage advice (think I got off lightly there ). I think dh is right in that this is probably more to do with my feelings than dd's. Oh well I think we'll go and I'll be sociable and polite but yes, will make an excuse to go if it all goes pear shaped.

I think your DH is right too :) I think you're feeling protective of your DD and are worried about her getting hurt again.

You should go, it could work out better than you think and you may actually enjoy yourself Now that your DD and the other girl are no longer in 'direct competition' they may get on better. If you go then one of two things will happen, either you'll have a great time or it will confirm that this may be one friendship that has run its course and you can then let it go without wondering 'what if'.

Wow this must be one of the nicest aibu threads ever . You've all been so reasonable. Well, have replied and asked what we can bring on top of booze so fingers crossed it doesn't rain & get cancelled after all this angst.