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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DP is being just a little bit insensitive

17 replies

namechangedtoslagoffhusband · 03/07/2012 20:04

Have name changed for this as really don't want to be obvious who I am. 38+4 weeks pregnant with DC2. DC1 is 3 and a fairly fiesty personality so am pretty knackered at the best of times. I seem to have the nesting impulse like no body's business and as DC1 was born at 39+1 weeks I suspoect arrival of DC2 may be imminent.

The nursery for DC2 is not finished. This is because there is a leak which needs fixing (it's all replastered, painted etc but there's water ingress between some floorboards secondary to the lead flashing round the window being knackered and thus cannot carpet it til this is done). Handyman and DP planning to deal with this on Friday. This work was started 4 weeks ago. I wanted to do it in April and DP said I was being silly and getting ahead of ourselves and no need to lose the spare bedroom so early on...

Meanwhile all furniture is in bits in lounge and our bedroom. Clothes/toys and moses basket all in the loft. No room in our bedroom to set up the moses basket due to detritus of nursery furniture.

Have an overriding urge to get all the newborn washable nappies out and fold them, ditto clothes etc. Want to make it all perfect for baby.

DP points out that DC2 will not sleep in that room til he/she is 4-5 months at least and cannot seem to get his head round the idea that if I give birth before it's all done the last thing I'll be enthusiastic about is climbing into the loft to sort out baby things.

Every time I start agitating about it not being done (or about needing to convert stroller back to pram etc etc) he tells me that I am being hormonal and need to get over it.

I suspect he's right but I can't "get over it" like that and I think IANBU to be hormonal tearful and bloody knackered right now.

AIBU?

OP posts:

PiedWagtail · 03/07/2012 20:06

No, pet, you're not, and I would feel the same way!! Men just don;t see things like we do sometimes all of the time

akaemmafrost · 03/07/2012 20:07

No, he sounds selfish.

I know that feeling of wanting to get it all perfect.

Can you get someone round to help you, might shame him into pulling his finger out.

AlmostAHipster · 03/07/2012 20:09

He is being insensitive and should get it done pronto but I suspect he feels nagged and therefore will drag his heels.

Have you got any family/friends that could help and prompt him into sorting it?

alphabite · 03/07/2012 20:12

I would get friends or family to help you do it. Just order them in some food as a thank you. It doesn't sound like he'll get it done until baby is a bit older.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 03/07/2012 20:15

The nursery itself doesnt need done yet, but if that impacts on the rest of the house then its totally understsndable that you are annoyed.

You could start labour any minute. The last thing you need is to worry bout all this. Cant anyone else help you?

Original poster

namechangedtoslagoffhusband · 03/07/2012 20:16

DP can't do it alone (and will be working this week anyway) and handyman not free before fri as he has a P/T job wed/thur and handyman's on a Tue and Fri and not going to get some random person in to do it as if they are free this week they are probably crap as decent tradesmen round here usually book 3-6 months ahead

OP posts:

bejeezus · 03/07/2012 20:16

Can you afford go just pay someone to come in and sort it out?

NotMostPeople · 03/07/2012 20:17

What he has said is true although I do understand your reasons and the fact you're heavily pregnant. I think you need to remember that pregnancy can be a bit tough for partners too. They have to be understanding of your hormonal whims and I suspect it gets a bit waring. He probably doesn't mean to be insensitive. Cut him some slack.

Chunkamatic · 03/07/2012 20:24

Could youi move the boxes into the spare room whilst it waits to be carpeted, so that you can get the other bits done?

I agree he is being insensitive, I felt the same with DS2 as we moved into our house less than a week before he arrived and the only thing I could think about was washing babygrows in time!

Jux · 03/07/2012 20:52

DH wouldn't do anything until after dd was born. We had a 'family' cot which needed stripping and repainting. Luckily, someone lent me a Moses basket, but dh still hadn't stripped the cot (and refused to let me use it until it was painted) when dd was born, nor when she was a month old. Eventually, I just phoned someone out of yellow pages, and they took it away and dipped it. Only I had to give it several weeks to let the fumes dissipate, and dh grumbled about the wood being ruined, and then he spent another 4 or 5 weeks painting the bloody thing. DD was squashed into the Moses basket until she was nearly 6m old. In the end, I hated that bloody cot. We still have it because dh is labouring under the delusion that dd will use it for her kids.

So, pick up the phone now, and get someone in.

Wandastartup · 03/07/2012 20:59

Think I may have read this post already on another family forum- won't out you though!
Think you both have a point!

eslteacher · 03/07/2012 21:09

Even if you are being hormonal and unreasonable, I definitely think he should just be nice and do it to make you feel better!

TBH though, I can imagine that my DP would be acting exactly like yours.

I think sometimes they see it as their duty to uphold all that is reasonable and logical in the face of crazy pregnancy hormones...misguided IMO but I think that's the way some of them see it...

Original poster

namechangedtoslagoffhusband · 03/07/2012 21:44

wandastartup I don't go on any other internet chat sites so I feel very relieved that if this story is sounding familar perhaps just perhaps there are other people (or at least one other person) feeling the same as I do!

OP posts:

Wandastartup · 03/07/2012 21:57

Name changed- hmm identical post on doctorsnet this week, obviously must be a common problem.

Original poster

namechangedtoslagoffhusband · 03/07/2012 22:50

assuming doctorsnet is some medical site is it? Googled it and seemed to be some sort of work thing for doctors so I'm a bit confused why there would be something about an unreasonable partner on there? I was hoping you'd mention the dreaded netmums or somewhere I could go to see and realise other peoples OH's are at least as unsympathetic as mine

OP posts:

Wandastartup · 03/07/2012 23:02

There is a family forum where you can discuss family issues/ moan about your husband( assuming he isn't a Dr too!!)

ZhenThereWereTwo · 03/07/2012 23:14

Not unreasonable at all, you need to nest, it is part of getting ready for the baby.

I really sympathise with your situation, when I was in labour with DD2 5 months ago we had builders in doing our kitchen and bathroom, work that should have been finished a month earlier My mum had to tell them off for taking the cistern off the loo as I was vomiting and they had stupidly chosen that time to fix the loo [hmmm]

The important things are baby's newborn clothes, nappies and the moses basket, every thing else can wait. Get the clothes and bedding out of the loft and wash them then put in a black bag leaving a few bits out to put in the hospital bag. Clean moses basket and put black bag in moses basket so it is just a case of putting it altogether which your DH can do if things happen quickly.

Get DH to shift the furniture into the nursery if they do not complete work on Friday, it can be moved again.

Reclaim the nesting space!

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