Hi
I need some fellow mums advice.
I am a mum of 3, 8mth old, 3 yr old, 6 yrold and am married. My husband works down south 3 or 4 days a week and stays at his parents whilst there, me and the kids live up north. We moved up here a few years ago to be closer to my mother and sister as the children never really saw them when we were down south as they dont like travelling so we upped sticks and rented our home out in surrey to move to be closer to them.
My husband and I have been married for 7 almost 8 years, we are very happy together, however his family - well mainly his mum has never really warmed to me (understatement of the year) and offered me money not to marry him amongst many other things. She also destroyed our wedding day when it did go ahead. They are a family of heavyweight Drs and I am not good enough. Simple as that. My husband and I barely spoke to them for a few years as it was becoming more and more difficult as his mum constantly put me down and has always been pretty jealous of our relationship oddly enough.
Anyway, after a lot of the awful stuff that happened when they tried to split us up years ago I almost lost the plot, had a bit of a nervous meltdown, I was gutted really about the fact that his parents hated me, I know it sounds silly but it really wasn't nice and they did completely ruin our wedding - police called, his mum chucked a bottle of red wine over me (lol) so I was I guess depressed and to top it off I lost my job when I was three months pregnant with our first child, I was the main breadwinner in the city and as soon as they got a whiff of me being preggers they gave my job to a bloke and I was out (yes I know tribunal etc but I was too scared of never working in the city again so didnt take action against them) and we had a lot of debt from our wedding so we lost our house and everything. I then pulled my socks up and launched a business and that's been running for 7 years now and does ok. My husband works really hard but now has a boss that is a bully and just as I was pregnant with our third child and about to give birth he said he couldnt stand his new boss and felt bullied. He has been looking for a new job but things have gradually got worse. When our third child was born he seemed to be struggling with all the responsibility I guess and his boss in tandem refused to sign off things like his extended paternity leave so he was down south a lot leaving me with the three lil ones, you know what its like with a newborn, exhausted after childbirth, stitches etc and manaing with a 3 year old and 6 year old. It was very very hard on my own. Husband then said he was feeling really low and he started being quite aggressive and angry all the time and eventually I told him to take a holiday for two weeks. The baby was 3 weeks old and he went to his parents for two weeks and I booked him into champneys for two nights for a rest and to try and get him back on track - it was a gift I had been given but I couldnt go as breastfeeding. So I hoped that would sort him out a bit and give him some r and r time but it didnt work, he came back and things were awful as he was depressed, being bullied by his boss and he went to the drs who said he was depressed - probably work related / occupational, but possibly post natal. He offered him beta blockers and anti depressants but he didnt take them and we have continued trying to get him straight, he goes to the gym, I give him lie ins, he spends a lot of time at his parents. Anyway, his boss has now started performance management on him and his job is at risk. He is looking for another job and he is talking to the solicitors my business use, I am on maternity leave as baby is now 9 months old but I am now thinking I need to get back to work asap.
I suppose I am writing all of this as therapy for myself. I am lonely, I am trying to keep it together for the family but I am exhausted. I cry a lot when noone else can see. I am not being agreat mother, I try to cook all their meals from scratch and play with them and I take them on day trips etc but I am struggling 5 days a week as a single mum to be a great mum to all of them effectively. I need to be strong for my husband, I get no help from my mum or sister so that hasnt worked out and they have a great relationship with the kids but won't do the babysitting type stuff or have them for even a few hours so I dont know why we are up here. I would love a day to myslef, a haircut or a swim, anything really. I look likecrap, I used to be quite attractive but I think the last few years have aged me by about 20 years!! Ive given up all the things I enjoy to channel everything into surviving being a mum and saving us financially. I spend money on myself and feel guilty, I dont even drink anymore because I know it will make me more tired when I have to get up three times a night with the baby.
Husband parents are paying for counselling for him with a dr friend of the family and he stays there in their lovely house getting his meals cooked, washing done and packed lunch made so I guess I am a bit resentful of that.
My business has an offer of a buyout but I need to work at it solidly for three years on a management earn out and I really wanted to be there at home for my baby a bot longer. I am scared to death that he is about to lose his job, we still have debts, we are renting a horrible house up here and were about to try and buy but now I dont know where we should be, if we move down south then we are closer to his parents and its so much more expensive, if we stay up here I am a single mum five days a week and not a very good one, my children deserve better than I am giving them.
I know, an awful post of self indulgent miserableness, I will pull it together, to meet me I am the mum who is smiling and who seems to be in perfect control....lol.... but apart from my beautiful amazing three children my life is falling apart and I'm hanging on by my fingernails.
Sorry everyone, happier post next time.
A x