I am a SAHM, seperated from DH at the beginning of this year after 8 years married due to his ongoing emotional abuse and controlling behaviour, and his hatred of my family. He believes, wrongly, that they have pushed me into divorcing him, they are not in the slightest, he just has trouble recognising me as a human being with free will. They have always been polite and civil towards him. He has made much over things that he believes they have said about him and what he thinks they think of him and how bad that makes him feel, ergo they are BAD people who are out to get him, although he has no evidence to back this up at all. He has justified his own dismissive and downright rude behaviour towards them because they apparently dont like him 
Divorce petition has gone through on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, hoping to finalise soon. He has made the whole divorce a nightmare, I have tried to make it as easy as possible for the sake of DC. I have carried on encouraging him to have them stay, take them for tea, spend fathers day with us even though it was 'my' weekend, invite him to events that he would otherwise miss out on, get him involved with school etc. He has always been truculent and difficult and made a drama out of how "we are no longer a family" and how much it hurts HIM to spend time with the kids and me, and he has often left it till the last minute to tell me that he would be involved in things, which for me is a total PITA but I have generally stuck with it for the sake of the kids.
DC is having their first "proper" party this summer. I am paying for it out of maintenance and dont intend to ask him for any more money towards it. To be honest, I could do without it, but DC is excited and deserves it. My family will be there, I have of course invited DH and my MIL (toxic) and any of his family who wish to come as DC would love them all to be there.
He has stated that he will not be coming if my family are there, as HE will feel uncomfortable. I have said that he might want to think about what DC would want, and that is daddy at the party. He has accused me of not thinking of both his and her feelings, as he put it,
"it must be obvious that if your family are there, I cant go as it will be awkward, so you are denying me the chance of being at her party. If you think your family are more important than me with regards to DC then you are very selfish"
Of course I dont think they are more important, they just love the DC and the DC love them (and I will need the help 
)
I have said,
"no, you are putting your needs first and being selfish by not coming, this event is nothing to do with you and your feelings about my family, it is a chance for DD to have people she loves at her party"
He has had me in tears over it, I am so upset for DC that their dad wont be coming to their party.
So AIBU? Should I just not invite my family for the sake of DC?