To be a bit upset that my sister thinks my DS1 is my DM's favourite.

[MegumiEto]

Just chatting to my sister on the phone arranging a joint birthday party for our DSes. My mum is going on holiday in a couple of weeks and her holiday goes over my nephew's birthday, but not my DS's. My sister said bitterly that she thought my DM had done this on purpose as my DS is her favourite.

I was totally at this. It's crazy. My mum probably does see more of my DS, but that's because DSis lives in another town, whereas I live a mile away. My DS was her first grandchild, but I don't feel as though she loves my DS1 more than my DS2. If anything, she babysits far more for my sister because she's a single mum and goes out evenings, which I don't. She has DN overnight sometimes, which she's never done for my DS as he's a rubbish sleeper and only wants me. Other than the holiday, there really isn't any reason for this.

My DS's birthday is on a weekday so DM will be at work and won't be doing anything to celebrate until their joint party anyway. DN's birthday is also in the week, so he'll be at nursery and DSis is working. She lives five mins from her inlaws who dote on her DS so he won't miss out.

DSis described my DS as a "Star Child" in a really sarcastic tone, which has upset me. I thought we were close and now the idea that she's looking at my DS with resentment is awful. I hate the idea that our kids are in competition for my DM's attention. My inlaws live the other end of the country so I only have my mum for help, whereas she has a huge family in her town who look after her DS and help her out all the time. I don't like to feel guilty for asking for my mum's help.

I tried to talk to her about it some more, but someone turned up at her house and she had to go. I don't think I should mention this to my DM as it will probably upset her.

If you are close to your sister, is it not possible that she was just teasing really, and you are being a bit over sensitive.

Actually I think it's quite common for the first grandchild to be the favourite. This may, or may not, be the case in your family but it might be worth having a proper conversation with your dsis to find out why she thinks it is.

I am close to my sister, but she was not teasing. I said to her "Do you REALLY think that?" and she said yes. She's a blunt person and not prone to teasing anyway.

My mother's sister in law recently really upset my mother by telling her that she mam is my nann'a's favourite, and always has been, and just went on and on and on about it. The weird thing is, nanna is 94, mam is almost 67, and her bro is 60
It has obviously festered for years and just suddenly all came out, and there has been massive fall out and ill feeling over it all.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is, don't just let this go and bottle it up, and let it fester like that - this family ding dong of ours has built up over the 30odd years since uncle and aunt married, and possibly even before that, since uncle was a child - that's a long time to be miserable. My mam had no idea her brother felt like that either.
Try and talk to your sister, and maybe your mum too, if you can.

DON'T dismiss her! My niece is my parents favourite. They have always worshiped her - her name is even the password on things - eg telephone company.

They don't even know what my children's friends are called, what their favourite food is or what music they like or what any of their teachers are called. And they almost never see them. And when they do, they have no idea how to talk to them.

I don't resent my sister for it. She's had the other problem with them - over involved, attempting to undermine her parenting etc.

But I just wanted to say that when your child isn't the favoured one - you can tell. You may not be able to see it, because it's not your child. But if she's telling you that she can - believe her.

From what you're saying, it's hard to see if your DS1 really is the favorite. But, please bear in mind that if he is, it won't be obvious to you, but it will be to her.

I'd agree that it's hard to see when yours is the favourite. I'd listen to her.

The things you think of as "expected" and "just down to circumstance", "they're easier to do things with" or even "their right" may well not be, it may be bluntly favouritism. I wouldn't expect your mum to see either. She probably uses the above statements to herself.

Dh has brothers who have very similar age children. Mil definitely favours one. I can tell because she'll come out with how they've done something amazing (which usually isn't for their age) and if I ask how the other one's doing she is very dismissive (think along the lines of "okay I think"). I don't think either brother can see it, and I wouldn't rock the boat and say anything about it. However when she's raving about the wonderful way one is saying "lorry" (age 2 so not particularly amazing) I'll ask about the other. I hope she might get the hint at some point, but she's a bit thicked skinned so I doubt it.

My sister's children are favoured over mine, it is so blatantly obvious it's laughable. My mother stayed with my sister to help out for 2 months when Dsis had her second and didn't help for a single day with my second, she always turns up with presents for DN's and not for mine when she visits, has babysat for weekends lots of times for Dsis and not once for me. Mum and I have fallen out over an unrelated issue and she has now completely disowned me and my kids whilst continuing to dote on DN's. Of course it's hurtful, but Dsis and I try really, really hard not to let my selfish, unbalanced mother ruin our relationship. If your sister is stewing over this, I really would try and clear the air with her before it turns into a big family feud.