My ex (DD's father) even in the time we were together, was never a 'daddy' to her. He was always too busy. I don't think he really ever wanted a child to be honest. When i was in labour, he wasn't supportive at all, just put headphones in and tried to drown out the noise i was making, put the tv screen in between us, so he couldn't see me too. The day she was born, he stayed with us for maybe 2 hours, if that and then went home to 'bed' as he was 'tired' he went to the pub! Then every day, even though he wasn't working, didn't turn up to the hospital until at least 11am, even though he could have been there from 9am onwards. So in the time we were together, it was me and DD really. When we broke up in 2009 (i'd finally had enough of the relationship and got the guts to leave) it really was me and DD. We were both the happiest that we have been. She had a happy mummy again. I met my OH in 2010 and he moved in after only 6 months. Yes it was quick, but we'd fallen in love and he was there almost every day/night anyway. Before coming to this decision, obviously he met my DD and it wasn't just after one meeting that he moved in! We'd had lots of days out together, lots of times just staying home together, playing games etc. So i knew that she was happy with him. I also sat her down and spoke to her about OH and asked how she felt about mummy having a boyfriend and if that was ok with her. (she was 3 and half when we met) DD said she really liked him, liked the silly things we all done (water fights etc) He moved in and things carried on this way. We don't argue, there are never raised voices (well not in anger, just sillyness) I talk to DD lots about how she is feeling. She has said on a number of times (without me bringing the conversation up) that she is really happy and loves our family, loves that we never shout, never argue, loves spending lots of time together as a family.
Her father, has he seen her much since we broke up, does he see her regularly?? NO! And thats not because of me, he knows that all he has to do is phone and we can arrange something, arrange for him to see her. Does he do that, no. He is too busy going out, getting pissed, going to festivals. DD had to have a camera up her nose last year, i told him about it, sent him a text with the time and date. It was the day after his birthday. Did he turn up to support his daughter, no. He was hungover and had 'forgotten' she had an operation last year, did he come and spend lots of time with her, no. He came by with his mum 2 hours after she woke up, spent maybe 10 minutes there and then left. Told me he had lots to do. On her birthdays, does he phone to say happy birthday, no. He told her, which i was very angry about, that he had been busy! Busy ffs. Too busy for even a phone call.
Last year (DD was 5, almost 6) she asked me if she could call OH dad. I asked her if that was what she wanted to do and she said yes it was. She asked if OH would mind her calling him that, i said no he wouldn't, but it was her choice, we didn't talk about it again then. Then a month or so later, she ran into the living room just before bedtime and said 'i'm going to call you dad, because thats a nice name' and ran out, but snuck back in for cuddles with him too. Shes really come out of herself, yes she's a little monkey for OH, just like she is for me. But you can see by the way they are together, they have a real 'dad/daughter' relationship. He sits down and plays games with her, talks to her, reads her stories, helps her read stories, cuddles her and well, just gives her the time of day that she deserves.
I've been told a few times on a couple of different posts that i shouldn't have allowed DD to call him dad. Was i wrong in allowing this? I didn't feel like i could say to her that she couldnt' call him that, it was her decision.