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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DP's GM to clean the floor?

50 replies

redonculous · 02/07/2012 21:31

Bit of background...
Me and dp are from opposite ends of the country, I moved to his end because of his job. I go and visit my family every so often and always stay about 3 weeks. DP has to stay behind because of work. DP has to be the most undomesticated person I've ever met and cant(won't) cook for himself. We are both very young and only moved out of our parents houses when DD was born 10 months ago. When I'm away his grandma brings
Food down for him everyday while he's at work.
Anyway. Last time I came back from visiting my family, our house had been completely
Rearranged. I'm very proud of my floordrobe, but it wasn't there anymore. His grandma had gone into OUR BEDROOM and put all my clothes away. Even underwear had been moved (not from the floor! I'm not that bad) and she took one of my books from our room without even asking me. Also, cupboards had been rearranged and cushion covers washed. The floor had been washed... You get the idea. Fair enough I shouldn't leave my clothes on the floor but that is my business. Nothing to do with her. Why did she even need to go in our bedroom?? Also it made me feel like she was basically saying i dont clean my house or something, our bedroom is messy but everywhere else is as clean and tidy as it can be with a baby. I had a word with her about it and told her i qas gratefull but it wasnt on and so I thought it was sorted. But DP has rang me asking ifit would be alright for his GM to hover and clean ourfloor while I'm away again, and she promises not to go in our bedroom again. I said no, I wish she didn't have to let herself into our house again but I can't stop her as she brings DP food while I'm away. Sorry this was so long but I'm just so angry! I feel like its not even my house as she reads letters ect which i have to hide i could go on and on. So, AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
redonculous · 02/07/2012 22:55

Blueglue, I can see exactly what you're saying but we didn't ask her to bring meals, she did it off her own back (which I know is really nice of her) And DP rang me asking about the floor because his GM asked him if she could do it. For some weird reason she wants to do it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/07/2012 22:59

"For some weird reason she wants to do it."

perhaps the poor old dear is having problems because her feet are sticking to it... Grin

when did either of you mucky pair last mop it?

zipzap · 02/07/2012 23:01

Get his gm to spend the time teaching him to make some of the family favourites from his family that he likes to eat.

he can put leftovers into the freezer which he can eat another day when you're not there or be there for you both to eat on your return.

Plus gm will have been able to pass down her recipes (assuming he likes her cookery!) and he will have started to learn how to cook for himself...

win-win all round!

2rebecca · 02/07/2012 23:03

I'll sometimes clean my dad's floor when I am visiting. That to me is the proper way round having a youngish person cleaning an old person's floor. Grannies shouldn't be scrubbing the floors of their grandchildren. It should be the other way round, unless you're one of these families of gymslip mums and she's only in her 40s.

Original poster
redonculous · 02/07/2012 23:05

Squeaky toy, it gets a quick wipe over everyday and a proper 'on my knees scrub' at least once a week Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
redonculous · 02/07/2012 23:06

My mum isn't even 40...

OP posts:
mrsmplus3 · 02/07/2012 23:22

The granny sounds like any other loving doting granny however if you're not comfortable with it then you absolutely have the right to say thanks very much but just leave it. Better still, your dp should say it. It really doesn't need to be a big deal. If granny can't see why you wouldn't want her around all your stuff while you're not there then that's weird on her part.

My mil is similar and I used to say nothing but she took it too far and now I'm just really really honest with her and say that I love her to bits but she has to back off and let us live our lives and have our privacy.
The dp has to man up too. It's very very common for mils and dils to have tension when the man in the middle is a mummy's boy.
Good luck and stand firm but be kind. Take her out for lunch and have her over for dinner and stuff, make her feel included. But the intrusive stuff is a no no for me, even although she's just being sweet, it is intrusive.

AdoraBell · 03/07/2012 01:05

What is the issue here, Grandma nosing around in your things, or DP never needing to grow up if he's continually treated like a 7 year old?

Personally it would be the later for me and might be a deal breaker, but I'm a dye hard cynicWink

Morloth · 03/07/2012 03:55

My MIL likes to clean our house when she is here. In her case I am pretty sure it is a comment on my cleaning.

The thing is, I just don't care WHY she is doing it, the key thing here is that SHE is doing it and not me.

I don't ask her to, but I am not going to stop her either. Wink

I am a lazy slattern though it has to be said.

raspberryroop · 03/07/2012 07:08

She gets to visit and feel needed which is probably incrediably good for her mental health- DP gets to be 'looked' after and see his Gran without it having to be a 'visit' - not being able to cook at 23 is not great but hardly makes him a fecklass bastard. You get a clean house for when you get home - fail to see the problem except for a bit of bruised ego for your floordrobe ;p

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 03/07/2012 07:16

Is the real issue that you think your DP should do it?
I'd love someone to clean up whilst I was away.

pinkyredrose · 03/07/2012 08:37

Get your DP a few cookbooks! Sounds like he needs it.

Ephiny · 03/07/2012 08:52

I wouldn't like it. We have a cleaner so it's not that I have a problem with someone else cleaning my house, but would not be happy with MIL or my mum or another relative letting herself in and poking about. The cleaner is different because it's a less personal thing, also I know when she's coming and can tidy a bit, pick up knickers off the floor etc Blush, and also we made a joint decision to employ her and we're both happy with it.

Also find it bizarre that your DP is old enough to live independently and father a child, but not to be able to cook a simple meal for himself and needs mummy/granny to do it for him. And that a young, presumably able-bodied man is happy to sit back and let his old grandma clean his house for him - agree that if anything it should be the other way round!

How do you and he share the housework and cooking etc when you're both at home - do you do it all?

valiumredhead · 03/07/2012 09:06

Ae you not at all embarrassed that the actual issue is that you have clothes all over your floor and your dp needs his granny to cook for him?

ajandjjmum · 03/07/2012 09:13

Maybe it's the price you pay for being able to take off for three weeks at a time - can you tell I'm just jealous! Grin

Convert · 03/07/2012 09:18

'I'm very proud of my floordrobe' Really? Perhaps if you cleaned your house and picked your bloody clothes up she wouldn't feel the need to do so for you. Or train your DH to do so.
My SIL complains that her MIL cleans her bathroom while they are on holiday and got very upset with her, to be honest it's filthy, and I'm no domestic goddess!

PurplePidjin · 03/07/2012 09:26

I'd be heartily ashamed of a 23yo man needing and allowing a 60+yo woman to run around after him like some kind of servant.

Op, yanbu not to want someone going through your stuff. Your "d"p needs his arse kicking though, he's an adult and a parent and needs to pull his weight!

Original poster
redonculous · 03/07/2012 11:06

DP does do housework. Like the basic things, hovering, washing dishes, washes clothes. I do the more of the 'proper cleaning' like bathroom ect, and all the cooking. But I dont mind as I don't work. I know he should cook for himself, but I can't make him while I'm away and his grandparents treat him like a baby. They ask him to hand over all the bills so they can 'check them' which pisses me off. Dont get me wrong, I love his GPs but they drive me crazy sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
redonculous · 03/07/2012 11:07

And he doesn't ask her to do all these things. She WANTS to do everything for him.

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 03/07/2012 11:38

You will continue to button up your DD's coat for her until she's big enough and independent enough to tell you SHE wants to do it (all being well). It's the same with your partner's family. They're going to keep cleaning up after him and feeding him until he makes a stand and says "Gran, I really appreciate it but I'm fine cooking and cleaning for myself."

mrsmplus3 · 03/07/2012 20:25

The grandparents check all the bills?
I think it's you and your dp that are the idiots here, no wonder granny comes round!
Sorry for this rude post but seriously- you guys hand over your bills??? You guys need to grow up. Good luck.

Original poster
redonculous · 03/07/2012 21:11

I said they ask us to hand over the bills, we don't actually do it!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 03/07/2012 22:57

Why do grandparents expect to see your bills? That would be controlling for parents, but for grandparents it sounds bizarre and very overenmeshed.
Our household bills and expenses are the business of our household only.
Do you all live in a one street village or something?

Original poster
redonculous · 04/07/2012 16:56

It's because his grandparents brought him up so are basically his parents. And we do live in a tiny village so they live about 2 minutes away.

OP posts:
Original poster
redonculous · 04/07/2012 16:57

To be fair to them, they do think they are helping. Not the point, I know.

OP posts:
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