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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

..to just not like my 2 3/4yr nephew very much at the moment

25 replies

loverofwine · 02/07/2012 20:33

I love his mum very much but after a weekend of having to endure his non stop whining and her inability to just say no I've had it.

Is it OK to just come clean and say that he is an undisciplined, indulged singleton or must I go and clean the oven in penance for my thoughts?

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 02/07/2012 20:35

Nearly three year olds whine a lot

Why not some sympathy for the mum?

She may be at her wits end

knowitallstrikesagain · 02/07/2012 20:35

If cleaning your oven would be penance, it must really need a clean. So go and do it. Right now.

I have no other thought on the matter

MammaTJ · 02/07/2012 20:38

2 3/4 year olds are not so lovable, especially when they belong to someone else. They do whine and parents tend to pick their battles rather than say no to everything.
First time I've done this

FiftyShadesofViper · 02/07/2012 20:41

My nephews are 11 and 9, I don't like them either so you are forgiven.

OurLadyOfTheUpsideDown · 02/07/2012 20:42

He's TWO, FFS.

BonkeyMollocks · 02/07/2012 20:42

I don't like any other kids apart from my own, so YANBU

Original poster

loverofwine · 02/07/2012 20:42

Oh god - the Oven it is. Thing is that I've got four. One of them a just 3yr old. I sympathise with her plight because I've been there several times. It's just the giving in thing. Seems to me it's self perpetuating. The more giving in. The more whining. etc. etc.
Am adding cupboard under the stairs to the potential penance list. If it's any consolation it's got mice.

OP posts:

HecateHarshPants · 02/07/2012 20:44

Other people's children are often annoying

From what you describe, I'd say the problem (such as it is ) is the lack of consistency, not the child.

no
whinge
no
whinge
no
whinge
yes

is only ever going to create a monster

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2012 21:06

Hell yes, Hecate the problem is not giving in but giving in after the whining. My tactic is that once I have said no, that is it. I have to say yes a lot because I want her to understand that a no is final. Very, very hard...

Foslady · 02/07/2012 21:28

It's ok - it isn't him you don't like, it's his whining......and anyway, it's ok not to like at times, I'm sure you still love him! :)

HecateHarshPants · 03/07/2012 07:42

Yup. I've done it myself once or twice (normally when feeling really ill and just want them to shut up and leave me alone ). Nobody's perfect no no no no no no oh for the love of god just HAVE IT! but it's really something to not do. It just means you're teaching the child that if they whinge enough - you'll cave. So you create a WhingeZilla.

I try to say "Let me think about that" rather than fall into the trap of saying no to something that it really didn't matter if I said yes to.

CailinDana · 03/07/2012 08:46

I was once told I have "the most final 'no' in the universe!" Not sure if it was a compliment or not but it's certainly true that DS (18 months) rarely asks for the same thing more than once. It does piss me off when some parents give a wishy-washy "not right now" answer - it just puts the child on edge because the child thinks they still have a chance. If you just say no and mean it they don't have to worry, they've asked, there's no chance of getting it, move on and do something else. If I say no to my DS 9 times of out 10 he'll just wander off or ask for something else a bit more realistic (as in he'll chance his arm with icecream first, but after a no, he'll ask for an apple). He might whinge now and again but it's usually only for a second because he's frustrated and needs to get it out of his system before he moves on.

Like Mrs Pratchett said for a no to work you need to say yes quite a lot. I'm pretty flexible, DS knows he can ask for a lot of things and get them as all the food in the house is ok to eat at any time (though I do draw the line at more than one apple a day) and I'm willing to play with him anytime if I'm not busy. A straightforward no that actually means no makes life a lot easier for everyone, the child included.

SundaeGirl · 03/07/2012 08:51

YANBU.

Thumbwitch · 03/07/2012 08:54

YANBU. I can't stand it when parents do this either, i.e. give in after a few whinges. Not only does it set bad practice for them, but it gives other children around them ideas too!

Love "whingezilla" - excellent name for it!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/07/2012 10:30

"Other people's children are often annoying"

That's quite wrong. They are always annoying.

sue52 · 03/07/2012 10:56

They aren't called the terrible 2s for nothing. I recommend Oven Pride, it's great for removing stubborn marks.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/07/2012 11:14

My nephews are 10 and 7 and I'm not keen.

YANBU for thinking these thoughts but dont say anything to family...it will get back and all hell will break lose!

I also second oven pride though, its blooydy fab :)

VolAuVent · 03/07/2012 11:25

Sounds like normal behaviour for a two-year-old.

You might as well clean the oven though.

thebody · 03/07/2012 13:21

Another one who hates wishy washy parents of toddlers because these said toddlers become vile teens!

Mind you I usually find other peoples kids a pita anyway.

My 4 are perfect of course and I am a perfect mother ha ha.

Regards oven, I paid for a professional clean and it was WONDERFUL.

Crazyfatmamma · 03/07/2012 13:30

I for one dont think you are being unreasonable, Children even from a young age can become difficult if inconsistant discipline is given. You really can create a monster, Children need in fact they want boundaries it keeps them safe and secure and helps them become well rounded individuals whom people want to be around. All to often parents want to be friends with their children and not parents.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2012 17:08

There is an interesting link with gambling behaviour. People very easily become addicted to gambling because there is a random payout every few times they try. When they do research on this they find that a consistent payout (once every ten times or whatever) doesn't elicit the compulsive behaviour like a payout on the second time, then the twelfth time then the fourth time.

Think of your toddler like a tiny gambler. Every time you give in randomly when they whine, you are reinforcing the message that they don't know when you will pay out, but if they whine enough you will eventually.

Ephiny · 03/07/2012 17:27

The 'gambling' thing makes sense to me - it works for dogs too (who probably have similar mental processes to toddlers!).

Agree that other people's small children can be very annoying (and other people's parenting styles too)!

Mrsjay · 03/07/2012 17:33

I dont like my niece very much she is opinionated and spoiled and stamps her feet if she doesnt get her own way

I havn't seen them in a while so i am not sure if she has changed but ....

smile dont say anything and maybe just maybe his mum is at the end of her tether with him

PoppyWearer · 03/07/2012 17:33

YANBU. I'm not a huge fan of one of my DN's. Also a discipline issue. My own DCs have their moments too, but of course I love them regardless.

Get someone in to clean the oven, it's wonderful!

Original poster

loverofwine · 03/07/2012 19:17

Well even if I still feel guilty about the little chap I feel much more that I should let someone else take the pain and have booked a phone call to the Oven Sheen people.

Who'd have thought that a debate over child rearing could have such a positive conclusion

OP posts:

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