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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DS's dad

26 replies

ISwearImNotATramp · 02/07/2012 20:02

To be the one to drop him home? Not his mum or sisters?

DS is still a small baby and he only has him for a couple of hours at a time. AIBU to not want to deal with his family when I've left DS in his care?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/07/2012 20:08

Is there a specific reason you don't want him seeing the other relatives?

Original poster
ISwearImNotATramp · 02/07/2012 20:11

I don't mind him seeing them, I just don't want them dropping DS back to me without his dad when his dad is meant to be responsible for him at that time. I don't like them much but don't believe they're a danger with my son, I just don't want to have to deal with them when I don't feel I have to.

OP posts:
WhiteWidow · 02/07/2012 20:13

YABU.

Why can't be do it?

WhiteWidow · 02/07/2012 20:13

YANBU I MEAN!!

brokendowndaphne · 02/07/2012 20:15

what difference does it make

the baby wont know or care

Original poster
ISwearImNotATramp · 02/07/2012 20:17

The difference is I have to communicate with them about how he's been and I don't like them, and I had a baby with him not his family.

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 02/07/2012 20:18

Have you asked him why he can't do it?

squeakytoy · 02/07/2012 20:19

If you and your ex are not on particularly great terms, then it is perhaps understandable that you avoid seeing each other if possible. What does it matter so long as your child is safe.

vodkaandcaviar · 02/07/2012 20:21

Ask him why he's not dropping him back himself.

Is he genuinely interested in seeing his DS or is it more his mum/sisters pushing for it? When my parents split up it was my grandparents who pushed for more access.

Original poster
ISwearImNotATramp · 02/07/2012 20:40

Me and DS's dad are amicable so no reason for mediators.

He said he had to go to work, I said ok I understand but in future please arrange to have him when you can drop him back and he kicked off. I've only ever left DS with him so expect him to be the one responsible for him.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/07/2012 20:46

I think you are being unreasonable. If you had to go to work and your mother or sister wanted to spend a bit of time with your child, would you refuse it?

They are family, maybe not your family, but your child's family.

lovebunny · 02/07/2012 20:47

i don't understand why non-resident parents have unsupervised access to children who are not old enough to make an emergency phone call if they need to.

this world is a terrible place.

Original poster
ISwearImNotATramp · 02/07/2012 20:48

I don't leave him with my family yet. He could have arranged to have him at a time when he could have brought him back too

OP posts:
Original poster
ISwearImNotATramp · 02/07/2012 20:49

@lovebunny what difference is it to DS being alone with me? What a silly thing to say

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/07/2012 20:59

You're being a bit controlling

He's your ex's DS too and if he wants his Mum or Sister to drive his child home, that's his perogative as long as his son is safe.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/07/2012 20:59

I understand where you are coming from and why you don't want to have to deal with his family instead of him. It sounds crap.

But it is one of those difficult things that go along with being a co parent with someone you're not in a relationship with. He does have the right to decide to let his family look after his child, exactly the same as you do.

It's hard, I know, I'm not with my dc's Dad and after years of this type of crap we now get on very well. Pick your battles (they will be ongoing) and bear in mind that your long term goal is to have a good relationship with your ex.

squeakytoy · 02/07/2012 21:01

"i don't understand why non-resident parents have unsupervised access to children who are not old enough to make an emergency phone call if they need to"

wtf???? I assume that is some sort of sarcastic comment...

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/07/2012 21:02

lovebunny Shock Hmm

Lots of non resident parents are excellent parents!

And some resident parents are awful.

Krumbum · 02/07/2012 21:02

It's a bit sad that he can't be bothered with his own son, but not unusual.

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2012 21:03

So lovebunny you'd be quite happy to have supervised access to your baby if your ex was the RP?

Why?

Are you not capable of looking after a non verbal child properly?

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2012 21:05

Krumbum where has the OP said her ex can't be bothered with his own son?

He had to go to work so his family dropped his son home.

squeakytoy · 02/07/2012 21:05

"It's a bit sad that he can't be bothered with his own son, but not unusual."

why assume he cant be bothered with his own son? the child is part of a family, not just his.. and presumably the rest of his family also want to play a part in his life and spend time with him... as the child is so young perhaps OP is the one restricting the amount of time he can see the child.

LineRunner · 02/07/2012 21:08

In my view, YANBU. This is a small amount of time he has with his own child, and its not much to ask that takes responsibility for dropping him back. As you say, OP, he should make an effort have his son when he actually has a bit of time for his son. It's such a small request.

MammaTJ · 02/07/2012 21:08

Oh dear, Lovebunny, so a child with a wonderful mother and a wonderful father who just happen to split up, father and child not see each other till said child can make an emergency phone call?

That is more than a tad extreme and even social services have lower standards than that!!

OP, I get where you are coming from and assume you need more communication, re feeds sleep etc from the person who has actually been doing the 'looking after'.

Sirzy · 02/07/2012 21:09

so he is seeing his son but asking someone else to drop him off while he goes to work. Sounds fine to me