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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours - help

43 replies

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 02/07/2012 15:55

My neighbours moved in almost a year ago (dad and 3 DC's ranging from about 8 to 13) and there is a long list of things they do that wind me up and DP keeps telling me that I need to just keep out of it.

When they first moved in we had 3 months of him working on the house, drilling and hammering - all fine, people need to settle in, but at 10 fucking PM at night, and the dad doesn't work at all, we eventually moved DD to another room as it kept waking her up.

The son (he's about 13) seems to like having a natural piss, inother wirds in the garden against our wire fence which is only 3ft high

They often leave plates covered in food outside on the grass outside the kitchen door, no idea why - maybe they are feeding the local foxes/badgers? But the local rats love it!

The girls I feel sorry for, expecially the youngest(aged 8), she seems to have no friends and whenever DD (almost 3) and I are in the garden she comes out and stands at the fence, if I ignore her she calls DD over, and then loudly makes comments about how DD wants her to come over to play. Which in itself I wouldn't mind, but they tell DD to do things I have told her not to do, things that would typically result in toys being broken (which they have already done to DD's trampoline)

The final straw for me is the state of their garden, they haven't mowen the lawn once since they moved in, so not only does it look like a mess (full of nettles, bramble and goose grass) and is encrouching on my garden, but obviously the kids have no where to play.

Do I need to have a word with myself and stop being a wound up byu this, or would I be in my right mind to jump the fence and mow the lawn for them?

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 02/07/2012 16:51

Definitely a higher fence or shrubs. We have tiny wooden fences between us and our immediate neighbours, we can step over them but the minute their house goes on the market, we are putting standard 5 foot fencing in.

Sallyingforth · 02/07/2012 16:56

If they are council tenants then you have the answer. Call the council and complain about the state of the place.

Birdsgottafly · 02/07/2012 17:00

If they are genuinely on a low income and cannot afford garden tools then the council will use work experience lads to help sort the garden out.

MrsReiver · 02/07/2012 17:00

If they're council tenants get on the phone and complain about the garden - part of their tenancy agreement is an obligation to keep the garden in a decent state.

WillowTheWitch · 02/07/2012 17:00

Lots of people put fences up to keep their neighbours out . I get on very very well with my neighbours , but I still put up a 6ft fence . I like my privacy . I just said to my neighbour we were thinking of putting up a 6ft fence and my neighbour offered to split the costs . I think with these neighbours you would news to fork out the lot but as long as you tell them you plan to do it there is nothing else you owe them .

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 02/07/2012 17:38

So, about this peeing thing. Have you seen the son do this?

Because frankly, I'd be explaining to DH that if your dd happened to see this boy exposing himself you'd have to think seriously about contacting the police to have a word with him and that probably wouldn't do much for neighbourly relations.

I'd also point out that dd will not be getting much enjoyment from the garden because of the girl next door and the problem with the broken toys so it will be important that he makes time to take Dd to the park for some fresh air very regularly.

RabidAnchovy · 02/07/2012 18:02

Report them to the council, do this every day, report the rats to environmental health, do it every day, report them to your local MP do it every day, I guarantee something WILL get done.

In the mean time tell you DH to grow a pair and put up a fence

CaliforniaLeaving · 02/07/2012 19:12

Good fences make good neighbors. We had 6 foot wood fences when we lived in town, love it, nice and private.
I'd call the council about the rats, that is something that need to get fixed before they start moving into everyones homes.

ArtVandelay · 02/07/2012 19:22

You should just talk to the council about the garden and rats. Dad might not be coping and not take it so well in a face to face situation. Or if you chat with him anyway, why not just tell him you fancy putting in a new fence and tell him It's for creating a garden feature or something. I recently had to get a bit harsh with my neighbours for failing to provide a loo for their workmen. I was really nice about it but that basically if I saw one more arc of urine I was getting police and building control to come round. Problem is now solved and we are all still friends, thank goodness!

Sallyingforth · 02/07/2012 20:36

Putting up a new fence is going to be expensive. If these are council properties don't do it until you are sure you are allowed to do so.

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 03/07/2012 11:01

Thanks everyone for your replies, I'll have a word with the council and see if I can get anywhere with them.

Just to answer a few of the questions,

Their property is council owned ours is privately rented (we desperately want to buy the house, although the neighbours are putting me right off the idea)

I've seen the lad doing it a few times, and he just swears at me when I've shouted at him to stop (swearing is exceptionally common in that house, the girls are often called little bitches by the dad/brother - we can hear them screaming and shouting through the wall :( )

Just to add, I have invited the youngest girl over to play a few times in the past and she can be quite sweet, when she's not encouraging DD to break the rules, but I want her visits to be on my terms not just when it suits her.
I do feel sorry for her and have involved her in our veggie patch and baking.

I really want to be a good neighbour, and I can imagine it must be hard for them, but I try to avoid them now, as I did go over once when he was working at midnight and making such a noise we couldn't hear our own TV, so I went over and very politely asked if he minded doing his DIY during day light hours, to which he just luahged at me, said I was stupid because I was soaking wet (well it was raining and it took him 5 minutes to come to the door due to the noise he was making) and just shut the door in my face and carried on.

OP posts:
BsshBossh · 03/07/2012 11:26

Um, just a teenage boy peeing against a wire fence, exposing himself to me and DD would be enough reason to get a fence. Fuck all this nonsense about being neighbourly. If they query the fencd just say you want to grow climbing roses or something pretty against it. Fence your entire garden - 5 ft fences should be fine.

BsshBossh · 03/07/2012 11:30

By the way, all our neighbours get on very well with each other when we see each other on the street. We all have 5 ft fences :)

onwardandupwards · 03/07/2012 12:21

I have the family from hell next door, the mum is a prostitute and a drunk, her son sets fire to everything, their garden is overgrown and filled with grotty furniture thats been out there for over a year, they have parties all weekend, its like a drive in with all her visitors and they park on my front garden the list is endless although she has stopped sun bathing naked as i asked to cover up a bit as my ds 7 was in garden, she told me "its only a pair of tits" then called me every name under the sun so i threw a bucket of water over the bitch. We did have a fence that i put up, her ds burnt it down. Last night she reversed her car into the side of a neighbours car and drove off shouting abuse at them. The woman is like cruella de vil on speed. So i do get where you are coming from with this! sorry for long post.

biddysmama · 03/07/2012 12:23

do you live at the other side of my neighbour?

elizaregina · 03/07/2012 14:43

prof - please dont buy your house!

you have my complete sympathy. we had awful probs next door, now have a nice family but i still dont want DD playing with them all the time, calling over fence etc...thankfully we have a 5ft fence in situ....its thier LL resposibilty but we have paid and worked on the stupid thing for years....having a gap is not an option for me. the fence is a life saver - i couldnt do withot it.

HOwever i know from experince what you have next to you could be alot worse, belive me.....so please dont buy as you really do not know who could be next to you in the future......

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 05/07/2012 13:19

Sorry I've not been on to reply, but just wanted to say thank you to everyone for replying.

Really torn about buying the house, it's the only house we can afford in the area (unless another on our street comes on the market soon) and we really don't want to leave the village. Think I'll try see if I can convince DP about the fence

Thanks for listening

OP posts:
RabidAnchovy · 05/07/2012 13:23

Sad I would hate to have to live next to people like that,

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