Am I wrong??

[Clairella09]

I hope someone can give me a little advice.......I am a single mum with a beautiful 2 year old and for the past two years I have tried to keep contact with my daughters father and family. However it has now been made more difficult as I don't have a car to take her to him.
He has another child who he see's every two weeks and whom I have also had a close relasionship with. But the problem has now come that he will not make any effort or arrangments to see our daughter. I am not stopping him but he has not been in contact now for several months. This is now effecting my daughter who keeps asking me when she will see him.
I have had his ex wife contact me wanting me to make arrangements with her to see his eldest daughter. As she has asked to see my daughter.
I have said no for the only reason that my daughter is struggling in not seeing her father. I have voice recordings of her begging for "Daddy" to come and see her. I must stress I have not in anyway told her he doesn't want to see her. All I have said is that he loves her but is busy at work.
I feel that if she see's her half sister this will only torment her even more. His ex wife has said that she can ask her daughter to lie and or not talk about "Daddy" but my daughter has only ever seen her sister when she has been with her father.
My daughter is not a toy who can be picked up and dropped at a whim. Her sister is 11 so in a couple of years she will be more interested in "boys and friends" rather than spending time with her baby sister. Which is what kids do but by then my daughter will 5/6 and won't understand why big sister isn't around as much.
To top it all off my ex is now expecting another baby which I'm fine with but will that mean her sister will soon be more interested in a "new baby" once again leaving my daughter out????
So am I wrong in stopping contact?????

TBH I think YABU to stop her seeing her half sister.

You can only do what you feel is right for your dc at the time. If having constant reminders that her dad is more interested in his other children and not her is upsetting her (very understandable) then talk to him about it and come to a decision together. Then review it at a later date.

I'm not much help though

YANBU just leave the door open.

Leave your ex the option to visit. E-mail your ex and state your position and suggestions as to how you could meet up. Ask for a response.

I do not see what else you can do, suggest to meet at a halfway point, contact centre, relatives house?

Your ex seems to not want to see his DD. :( My ex has not seen his DS for seven years. At least you tried as I did.

You can at least show the correspondence to your DD in future, you did all you could.

It is hard, but his loss. the tosser

Keep contact open with your DD's half Sister.

Please let the sisters see each other. Keeping sibling relationships going is really important for kids, I think. And in a few years time when your DD needs to vent about what a twunt her father is, older sister (and new sibling, in all likelihood) will be there to listen and understand.

I know one family where this happened (it was actually the mother who was useless, to the point that dad ended up with custody of the half-siblings as well) and those kids really loved each other. If anything had happened to their father, at least those children would still have had each other.

YABU to stop a sister (half or not) from seeing her. You are punishing 2 children here and stopping them having what could be a special lifelong relationship. Her sister may well not see as much as friends/boys/exams take over but that would happen even if she lived with you. If you allow them to bond now, at some point she will come back round to her(if she does neglect her for a while). These girls have a lifetime to be sisters and friends, then later maybe aunties. Her sister will probably be there longg after you're gone so it would be good to nurture this relationship now.
My big (half) sister has me and anothet half sister. We are very close and our children are close cousins. Her other sister is like a polite stranger who sends cards and meets up occasionally because she feels she ought to. A very sad misses opportunity imo :(

Missed not misses

Thank you for your messages. I have tried to talk to him text and called but nothing.
I have known his eldest since she was 5 and love her very much. I don't want to hurt her but how can I explain birthdays, christmas ect to my daughter? What happens when the new baby arrives will her sister be told to lie about that too.........??? I dont feel right about asking an 11 year old to lie....????
Whilst I was preg I had to hide from my daughters sister as her father and mother refused to tell her about me being preg. I have had NO support from him I used to pick his eldest daughter up and take her home. He will have his eldest from Friday to Sunday my daughter was lucky to get 3 hours on a sunday once in a while.
However dispite all this I have told him the door is open but I can't keep calling, texting asking him to see her..........
Sorry I am venting just very very frustrated..........

I'm a bit which doesn't take much on my part. Sorry.

But its not your dd's half sisters fault if your ex is an arse.

A sister is (sometimes) a lovely thing to have - dont deny her of a sister, esp one who want to be involved.

try the meeting with the half-sister, see if it helps. if it causes more upset, don't do it again.

if she asks about daddy, tell her you don't know why he's not visiting but it can't be anything to do with her because she's lovely.

stop chasing him. there is nothing you can do to change him. focus on boosting your daughter's self confidence.

you seem to be seeing this as a competition 'my child doesn't get as much as the others'. stop. the truth is, if he's such a bastard that he can't give her attention, she's better off not seeing him.

you had a baby with him. he didn't and doesn't care. that's awful. now close the book on that one and move on.

I agree with most - it would seem a shame to stop contact with your dd's 1/2 sister, when her mother is willing to facilitate that with you. She may not have a supportive Dad, so that 'big sister' figure will be even more important I'd have thought.
You have left the door open for her Dad to have contact, and he is choosing not to. You can only just say to your dd "He can't see you at the moment" and when she asks why, just be honest and say "I don't know" then distract...

There will come a time yourr dd will make her own judjements.she'll see him for what he is without your help but dont give her any reason to resent you by begrudging her a sister.

Once a child becomes an adult, the sibling relationship can sometimes be more supportive and long-lasting than the parent-child relationship.

The link between your DD and her siblings is entirely separate to her relationship with her father. The one doesn't rely on her having a relationship with the other, though obviously it would be better if she did.

While your DD's dad sounds like an immature, irresponsible twat whose fertility far exceeds his morality, your DD still has a right to know the 50% of her heritage that hails from him. The chance to have a relationship with her siblings is part of that. Just as you love all of your DD and not just the 50% that she derives from you, your DDs siblings are all individuals in their own right and bear no responsibility for their father's actions nor any predisposition to behave like him.

Allowing the three of them to have a relationship could be a source of joy, support and broadened horizons for all of them and the only person who will ultimately miss out on all of this will be your DD's father. A child brought up in a fatherless but strong, supportive family network will be fine despite the absence of that father. The fact that your DD has a relationship with her eldest sister who also doesn't see her father will also actually help her to see that the problem lies with her father rather than with her. I certainly wouldn't ban the conversation of 'daddy' but let them work it out for themselves.

If you refuse to allow the relationships, however, you may well find your DD redirects the hurt and disappointment against her father right back at you, blaming you for the separation of her siblings (and possibly by extension with her father) simply because you're a more tangible target.

It's hard and messy and you're being understandably protective, but I really wouldn't stand in the way of this.

I think you really should let her see her sister. Remember, the sister is likely to still be around in 40 years time, when you and the father might not be.

YABU keeping her sister away. I would actively encourage their relationship, kids are pretty tough, you have to be honest, but so they understand. She needs to feel loved, and 1 parent is better than 1 and half.

You should let her see her sister. She's already missing a dad (not your fault), don't let her miss out on her sister.

Maybe it will shame him into doing the right thing too.

Thank you all so much I have taken action and have arranged to meet with DD ex wife first to talk.
Thanks again