to think people should be a bit more sensitive when discussing things in public in front of people they don't know?

[FioFio]

I have just stood behind a couple of women in Tesco I don't know why I go there, it's convenient berating the fact that children with special needs get free transport to school and how bloody dare they blah blah blah and why on earth aren't their parents means tested

I mean what the actual fuck

elliejjtiny How come you don't qualify? If he is in a wheelchair he should get free transport to school regardless of how far away you live from the school. Any child who is unable to walk to school (and he clearly is unable) gets free transport to school provided. I think they might be fobbing you off? As hard as it is to carry on fighting all the time I guarantee if you don't back down he will get the transport he has a right to.

DS has autism and speech and language delay. There is a SN school under 2 miles away from me. If DS had gone there we wouldn't have qualified for transport as he is capable of walking the distance or getting a bus. They have an autistic unit which would have been perfect. However DS did not get a place in the autistic unit there and would have had to go into one of the general classes. We felt if he couldn't go into a class that was specialised for autistic children, then a school that specialised in speech and language delay would be the next best thing. Also the headteacher of the nearest MLD school was our neighbour at the time and I felt it could have all got very awkward (due to the constant fighting a parent of a SN child has to do). The MLD school that specialises in speech and language delay is the next nearest MLD school at 4 miles away (as the crow flies distance) or 7 miles away in reality and thus he qualifies for free transport. As it happens we had major problems at the start of reception with the head of our chosen school due to him not wanting to honour all my proposed changes on DS' statement and it all got a bit heated and nasty. I think the same would have probably happened at any school cos they don't want to be legally bound to anything - they prefer it to be all vague and wishy washy so they can get away with not doing it. Imagine if that had been my neighbour I was dealing with.

I want honest opinions now, does anyone think I should have gone with the nearest school so I could take him myself?

"I don't, however, think a person that has had a c-section should be able to access paid for taxis for her son to go to school, especially when her husband has a car and could easily take him, and when they have specifically chosen a school a half hour drive away!"

whackamole Are you talking about a child with SN or a NT child? Does the Dad work?

BTW to the people that keep harping on about people being given free Ford Galaxys - they are not free. If you get the mobility component of DLA you can choose to keep the money or you can choose for it to pay for the use of a Motability car. Secondly with the cost of fuel being what it is, it's totally irrelevant if you have a car or not. I know many people that could not afford the extra cost if they had to do a 120 mile round trip every day to take their child to school. (I am basing this on a school that is 30 miles away and having to do 2 return journeys a day. It is the more extreme end of the spectrum, but I do know children who have to make this journey because they have tried 2 or 3 different schools who have not been able to manage of handle them)

It is worth pointing out that the vast majority of 'larger' cars on the motobility scheme require rather large downpayments as well which have to be paid for by either carer or the person with a disability. So not at all free. Yes, it's a great scheme if you qualify but it's not free.

Yes, a Ford Galaxy requires an advance payment of £1,395.

It's bloody hard to get funding for transport for people with SN. In our area there is a very strict criteria and it would be virtually impossible for people to lie about that need. Taxis are shared wherever possible, and where they aren't there is generally a good reason for that.

Regarding the pp who spoke about public transport and visual impairment. My husband has a visual impairment and is able to use public transport. If anyone asked him whether he could use it, he would say yes, because he can. But what he wouldn't say is the huge amount of stress that goes in to catching a busy commuter bus or train, the difficulties finding a seat or finding somewhere to hold on to in order to stay safe, the sheer concentration needed to work a guide dog through crowds, and the often inconsiderate attitude of other commuters at busy times. It's much easier, safer and far less stressful to do this at the weekends, and I would have thought this would be a similar scenario for anyone with a serious visual impairment. Maybe the person who spoke about the teenage girl hasn't considered this aspect of it, or the the fact that she might not choose to discuss all the extra stresses of it with you. It is difficult to get funding for transport, if she gets it for the week and not for the weekend then there's a damn good reason for that.

I also don't know what was so controversial about my post to warrant my name being searched and a mini, wets your pants style troll/hack hunt

I don't bloody know either. Your OP is ranty but it is not a controversial statement in my eyes, and certainly doesn't look like a journo on the look for a story.

Maybe the teenager is like us in that she smiles and says how fab it is that she gets transport, because grumbling about all the things that she doesn't get and can't do tends to be depressing for herself and the listener?

OP yanbu. Just because we have freedom of speech doesn't mean it's fine to spout judgmental, hurtful bullshit in public. It's bad manners.

I'll keep my opinions to myself on this but FioFio I remember you of old so doubt you are a journalist or a troll.

I am a journalist so obviously I don't know nothing about nothing.

But even I am struggling to see why a journalist would start a thread and then wait for anonymous posts to fit her story rather than making it up so she could go home on time.

Some people long to be journalists. Some people long to be distinguished oncologists.

And some other people long to play detective.

What they all have in common is that they fuck up on the details.

nappyaddict Tue 03-Jul-12 08:47:49
"elliejjtiny How come you don't qualify? If he is in a wheelchair he should get free transport to school regardless of how far away you live from the school. Any child who is unable to walk to school (and he clearly is unable) gets free transport to school provided. "

In our LEA you also have to provide evidence as to why you, the parent, cannot take the child: in my case, a letter from the doctor specifying exactly why I am not medically fit to drive.

hawkmoon269 Mon 02-Jul-12 14:00:40

"Oh, and on the whole transport to school thing... My neighbour got a free taxi to and from school every week day. Because of poor sight. Fair enough - yes? Except at weekends she happily hopped on a bus TO THE SAME SCHOOL to go to a drama club and meet her friends. She didn't get the bus during the week because the taxi was on offer to her for free - at huge expense over the course of her 7 year secondary school career. Insane."

And did this taxi turn up unsollicited at her door? Surely she got this transport because she, or her parents on her behalf, filled in a form claiming that she did indeed need it? And this being so, did not she and her family have the responsibility to explain to the LEA when this was no longer the case?

This teenager sounds very much like my ds: vociferous in explaining that he doesn't need any support because he is not disabled; the fact that he is failing at school is purely coincidental and people trying to suggest that it may be because he can't actually hold a pen are cruelly slandering him and trying to make out he is different.

Or perhaps the parallel with dd is stronger. She is well capable of taking a bus into town on a weekend, when the bus is less crowded, she is under no time pressure and she can choose whether to go or not. But to get to school every day on the bus, even during a flare-up, is not something she is capable of.

But when she is having a good spell, she wants to forget that she is disabled and believe that she can do everything everybody else can. She'd basically like a situation where she was treated just like everybody else when she is well, and where people had no expectations of her whatsoever when she is not. What the school want otoh is a steady level of attendance and work.
Quite understandably.

I am unclear about why a journalist should be such a figure of hate, given that MN is enriched by a few excellent journalists and feature writers who have worked hard, in many cases, to promote awareness of living with a disabled child, helped individual MN-ers with specific issues, advised on successful MN campaigns...

Completely agree cory.

"I am unclear about why a journalist should be such a figure of hate, given that MN is enriched by a few excellent journalists and feature writers who have worked hard, in many cases, to promote awareness of living with a disabled child, helped individual MN-ers with specific issues, advised on successful MN campaigns..."

I completely agree with this. The MN journalists have been really helpful over the years and generally a lovely bunch. I can remember many occasions when they've chosen to write articles aimed particularly at raising awareness of various issues.

And there's always someone who thinks that just because their cousin's friend's sister's neighbour doesn't need a particular service or benefit, that this means no-one else does either...

cory My DS2 does that. If someone asked he would say he wanted to walk the whole 1.5 miles to school, even though he can only walk a few yards before falling over and he would need to sleep after walking about 40 yards. He would quite like to walk as far as he can and then sleep the rest of the day.

The reason why I've given up the fight with school transport is that DS1 is not allowed to go in the taxi with him, even if I pay. I would have the choice of leaving DS2 home alone waiting for the taxi while I took DS1 to school or have DS1 be late for school every day. I just gave up after that as I realised it wasn't going to happen and there were other things that needed fighting for. Thankfully we won the fight to get the wheelchair or I don't know what we would have done.

Cory, that's DS as well. Going round 6th forms, trying to assess what help they could offer (currently full-time assistance in his statement) all DS would say was that he didn't want or need any help, and his current school's claims that he did were just insulting.

Unfortunately we've tried the No Help route and it's not a good way for him to be.

YABU. I think people should be entitled to their opinion whether you agree with it or not (especially when they are having a private conversation which you are listening in on) and that banning opinions that are not to your liking is totalitarian and the antithesis of the liberalism.

It wasn't a private conversation, it was really quite loud and I am almost deaf in one ear and struggle to hear in busy situations such as supermarkets and it was the cashier and a customer. I think that's why I was so pissed off. I think had it have been two women whispering I wouldn't have taken a blind bit of notice but it was loud and the cashier was joining in with what I think was an opinionated and controversial conversation about minority groups within our society, a lot of whom are vulnerable. I find the animosity directed at minority groups, carers and the disabled during this recession extremely distasteful and cruel and yes, I do think you should be mindful of what you talk about in public if it could be hurtful and offensive to others, but people who are lacking with empathy and sensitivity will struggle this. I see that now

if people are having rude beligerent offensive or biggoted and loud conversations in public then they are showing themselves up

ophelia275 Tue 03-Jul-12 13:57:57
"YABU. I think people should be entitled to their opinion whether you agree with it or not (especially when they are having a private conversation which you are listening in on) and that banning opinions that are not to your liking is totalitarian and the antithesis of the liberalism."

Yes, there is something in this. Otoh you could see that loud racist or anti-semitic conversations in public could easily lead to black people or Jews feeling intimidated. If you were down in a supermarket queue with your mixed race child, would you consider it acceptable for the people in front to discuss the inferiority of other races in your child's hearing? It might be their private opinion but would you expect them to voice it in public? Or somebody might feel as their genuinely held private opinion that fat people are disgusting and shouldn't be let out in public. Should they be trundling round the supermarked discussing this with no regard for who might be listening? Is there not some sort of line between totalitarianism and the restraints imposed by common decency.

So we leap from comments about the idea of means testing a benefit provided for disabled children to racist/anti-semitic comments as if they are entirely the same thing?

we are talking about transport services to school, not a dwp benefit, which is rather a leap in itself

they were also talking about a specific group of people, it doesn't mater who they were, they are a minority group. What makes them more fair game than other minority groups in society? and we as it's a parenting site I don't think it's unreasonable to point out that minority group were children

and for what it's worth, I pay over £250 a month in council tax and I have to take my child to and from school, pick up for appointments and return (15 miles away) many times throughout a month, I think I more than pay for the transport MYSELF without my child or family life being persecuted