I think BIL is BU but should I step in?

[loopyluna]

DH's brother is divorced and has 2 DC aged 11 and 8. His divorce was a v nasty one, he was mostly to blame but the shocker is that neither he, nor his ex wife, can be bothered with their DC now.
My PILs are in their late 60s. FIL had a few health issues but MIL is generally fairly active. As BIL always has an excuse reason for not having his kids during school holidays, the PILs always have them instead. Summer holidays here are 2 months so they have them for a month every year.
Yesterday MIL fell in the supermarket and broke her wrist. It must have been a nasty break as she had an operation on it and was kept in overnight. FIL went home and didn't feel well. He was sick all night and continued today. MIL came home this morning and appears to have caught his bug and has been sick too :-(
DH just called to see how they are and DN answered the phone. Regardless of the fact that his mother has a broken wrist in a cast, is recovering from a general anaesthetic and has a tummy bug and PIL also has bug and suffers from diabetes and prostate problems, BIL has dumped left his DC with them for a month!

Poor PILs really don't need this and the poor kids are going to, at best, be bored silly and, at worst, catch the tummy bug and be poorly all month.

I live a two hour drive away. DH is working and my DC still have a week if school left but I am on long term sick leave (was seriously ill a few months ago and still recovering but much better and capable of looking after my 6, 10 and 12 yr olds). I think we should call MIL back and suggest having the DNs for a week at least (holiday booked mid July) to give them a break and time to get better. DH is reluctant, doesn't think I should be dealing with 5 DC and thinks his mum will say no...

Thoughts?

I think that you taking the kids is a great idea. It will help them and you PILs so much! As far as you BIL goes, that is more your DH's area to lay into him. Of course your MIL will insist she can do this, but I'm guessing she will be relieved that she can have some time to recover, and I'll bet she is also worried the kids will be bored!

giver her a call and tell her how much your DC would love having their cousins come and visit. It's only a week, after all!

You could encourage them to call their son and tell him to come and get them as they are in no fit state to watch the kids. If they refuse I'd have your Dh do it. You doing it could backfire on you.

Oh, YANBU to want to help the kids, and to think BIL is being a selfish jerk!

You could try, for the week that your DC are at school in order for the DN to not come down with the stomach bug. Be careful not to blow things out of proportion (unlikely to be ill for a whole month) but I think offering would be very kind indeed as long as you are sure that you CAN cope? Perhaps your DH is right and thinking of you first?

How very sad about your poor DNs. Of course the really right thing to do was for the (D)B to step in and help. Can your DH not speak to him about this?

I don't think you should do it. I think whoever is the relative (you or your DH) should phone your BIL or SIL and go absolutely crazy with them.

I think your dh should be calling your bil and telling him to get his arse back there and look after his own kids and stop taking advantage of his mum and dad.

But if that fails then call and see if you can have dn for a week

Your DH needs to call his brother and read him the Riot Act. This isn't your problem - the son/father needs to step in pronto and behave like a decent human being. There are times when you can't dick about - words need to be had - and this is one of them.

Slightly as an aside, but I think YABU to say the mother can't be bothered with the children either. Presumably she has them for the other 11 months of the year.

It's the father who's to blame.

YADNBU about BIL, but I wonder how much would be gained from airing your views! Perhaps, just a big family argument?

I think your offer to have them is very generous and probably a god send for PIL. Be sure to phrase it as "my DC would love to spend some time with their cousins" so MIL feels she's doing you a favour and not being thought not up to the job.

Then again maybe my family is just very touchy and you don't need to be highly diplomatic!?

Princess -my ex SIL doesn't have the DC in the hols either -they go to her mum's or sister's and term time they have a live-in nanny as she is often abroad!
When they divorced, neither wanted custody. Hard to believe and incredibly sad but true.

Will try to persuade DH to call his brother but doubt he will. The whole family seem to pander to him. I think I'm up to having the DC while mine are at school and at least they'd have our garden and all my kids' toys to keep them occupied!