AIBU to think my mother should not offer any advice to my brother and his wife about their marriage?

[Shecot]

I love my mum and she is a great person, truly she is: kind, hard-working etc but she can be overbearing and a bit of a know -it -all.

My brother and his wife are going through a very rough patch; no abuse or anything, but very rough. Brother told mum (he lives 200 miles away) and mum gave him advice and asked to speak to my sister-in-law to give her advice about the marriage, too, the advice was for them to part.

I don't know how well the advice went down, you know how it is: you only get one side, but I think my mum should just stay out of it. Not for my brother's sake or his wife's-they really should split up as their relationship has been dysfunctional for years but that's not the point IYSWIM- but for her's.

AIBU?

is it likely that his wife was so upset that your mum felt like she should be giving advice and asked your brother not to discuss their relationship with her again?

Genuine question: has my mother got anything to apologise for do you think?
No, I don't think mum has tried to contact him. Or she may be too proud to say if she had iyswim.

You said she told them "a few home truths".
My guess is that it wasnt a very nice or diplomatic conversation.
it would be a good idea to find out from your mum,exactly what she did say,if she can remember
My guess is that what she says she said to them,will probably make you wince.

Yes, it will probably make me wince! It does look as though they are -subconsciously or deliberately- giving her the cold shoulder, doesn't it?

yep

Yes I do think your mum has stuff to apologize for and that what she said was wrong - telling a married couple they should split up because they have had an arguement over money and then saying that your sil had better leave the property and relationship quickly as she wants to come up and stay! All couples will at some point argue over money and go through rough patches rather than try and support them emotionally through this time she says get a divorce! With a mother like her no wonder the divorce rates are so high in this country!

Yes, she should have just shut up. (sigh). She won't apologise, he won't contact her (don't think it bothers him that much to see her more than a couple of times a year, anyway, but it bothers my mum -she's always saying stuff like, 'my son has only laid his head down in my house a couple of times in all the time I've lived here (her house that is for 10 years).

Stalemate, I guess.
It's not that I think my brother has consciously decided not to contact her out of spite, more he won't be of a mind to do so.

If your MIL spoke to you in that way and suggested you end your marriage would you want to speak to her?

I feel sorry for your bro, he is trying to hold his marriage together (rightly or wrongly) and perhaps needs real support.

Oh heck no I would not want to speak to her, either!

You may need to ask your mum which matters most.
Her pride or her son.

Yes, I do think it is getting to that stage, amillionyears, because 8 weeks is a long time.

Especially for somebody in her 70's (as my mum is).

Has your brother given you his side of the story?

Something similar happened to me. My DH and I had a fight after our DS was born and he said he wanted a divorce and went to stay at his mums for a bit - i later found out she had asked him when I was dropping my DS off at hers and his step-dad asked when I would be leaving our house so DH and DS could move back in!

I was devestated and couldn't believe they didn't try to encourage him to work at our marriage (there had been no affair or abuse just stress of dealing with a new baby) I will never forget what they said and as this is what my DH admitted to I doubt it was the worst thing they said.

We are still together but I can tell you i hate having to see those people, they have never said sorry and make various comments on the subject from time to time. I really think your mum should say sorry to both your DB and SIL.

Have you phoned your brother? Not about his marriage/your mum's interference specifically but to see how he's doing generally.

Sounds like you are trying to do the right thing by everyone. Best thing is to stay away from situation completely and if db or sil ask if anything has been mentioned just be vague. Otherwise you could be drawn into a big family arguement and if dm brings them up just say ' I would rather not be involved '

Goodness. Have you also got this thread on Gransnet going?