to be really pissed off with my mum?

[extremepie]

I have recently started working again after having had a year off to go full time at college.

I have also recently completed my third year of a 3 year course, so this job is the first job I have had that is directly relevant to the qualification I have just spent 3 years gaining.

I happened to mention the fact that I was now working to my mum in a phone call this morning and instead of being 'oh that's great' she starts complaining saying she's 'really worried now' and 'your poor children' and so on.

This pisses me off immensely!

I have just spent 3 years at college, if I wasn't intending to get a job at the end of it, what was the point?

I know my mum wants me to be a SAHM, as she thinks I can do a better job than DH but I don't know why she can't keep her stupid comments to herself!

Every time she days stuff like that it just makes me feel more guilty than I already do, why can't she see that her comments hurt me? Not to mention DH, who I have never told what she says as he would be hugely offended.

Amongst other things, it really offends me that she would think I would leave the kids at home with someone who wouldn't look after them properly!

I shouldn't have to constantly defend myself to my own mother!

Or am I just being oversensitive?

Grrrrrrr!

'She thinks I can do a better job than DH'

So they're going to be at home with their Dad? What exactly is here problem with that?

her

And congratulations! It's harder to get anything done with DCs around, so finishing a 3 year degree is worth celebrating.

Just tell her not to be so bleeding stupid poor children my foot what planet is she living on in 1422 - just tell her to get real

No yanbu she's being an old fashioned sexist worrywart. Just let it go over your head and be proud of your achievements!

I took my mum to visit a nursery with me to move dd1 and take dd2 eventually, waited for her opinion and she cried saying "oh those poor babies in that room with strangers why thanks mum

Im guessing she was a SAHM?? Maybe shes jealous then.

YANBU! Well done on the course and the new job!! Ignore her. Or politely tell her to FO.

YANBU to be annoyed.

my DH has ended up being a SAHD, it was a temporary thing when i went back to work at first. financially and practically it made more sense so DH left his job. it made it easier to leave baby DS1 when he was with his dad.

my mum has been really supportive as she understood we wanted to have one of us at home and my wage was higher.

MIL however asks me every few months if i wouldn't prefer to stay at home. i think she's a bit freaked out by DH being at home. it's not like i can just stop working though, so it kind of drives me a bit nuts that it comes up so often and that she so clearly disapproves of the arrangement.

I'm on maternity leave with DS2 now so no doubt it'll come up again soon...

hope you're enjoying the new job. :)

She's probably jealous OP.

My mum knocks all my achievements because she didn't do the things she wanted with her life. I feel bad for her, but it's not nice.

People do tend to tear things down if they're jealous. It's childish, but it's really common.

Ignore her.

Well done on the course and job!

Well done you with college and getting a job!

When I moved from the hell of working evenings behind a bar (where I never saw DH as he came in and I went out) to going after an admin job in a secondary school and getting it, I could have wept with joy. No more late nights, bog eyed mornings. My mum said to me "what about the boys?". She couldn't be happy for me. I get all the school hols off, DS1 was already at secondary school and DS2 was in yr5 at primary, so he only had to go to after school club for an hour two evenings a week until he went to secondary too. She wanted to know who was going to look after them if they were poorly.... Well DH or I would. In the three years I have been at my school, DS2 has had two days sick (I took a days leave and the second day DH worked from home). DS1 is big enough to be home by himself.

Thank you :)

It was hard work but I'm glad I've finally finished and it's really grating on my that my mum doesn't seem to be celebrating my accomplishment at all!

My job is, at the moment, part time so its not like I'll be away from the kids 24/7, and like you said, the kids are at home with their dad!

It makes more sense for us to have DH at home, as my earning potential (especially now) is much better than his. Plus the fact that DS2 has autism and DH is much better at coping with him when he has a meltdown - I can't physically manage him a lot of the time.

-Im guessing she was a SAHM??-

That's the weird thing wannabe, she wasn't! She always (as far as I can remember) worked full time. I wonder how offended she would have been if my dad was a SAHD and people had made similar comments to her?

Amongst other things, it really offends me that she would think I would leave the kids at home with someone who wouldn't look after them properly!

you wouldnt be the first one.

So you went to college full time and now you're at work full time - how does your mum tell the difference? or is college acceptable but work isn't?

I get where you are coming from. My Mum has always expected me to work as I am "career minded" . But according to DMum DH is lazy as he "doesn't work". No, he gave up work to look after DC as we couldn't afford the childcare.

In the same breathe she will criticize my DSis DP for working too hard - he never sees his children.

I know which situation I would prefer to be in and I just ignore it now as DMum is so brilliant in most ways.

YANBU

Perhaps she regrets not staying at home more/missing out on your childhood.

Whatever her reasons I really wish mums (mine especially) would just be happy for their kids. If they have concerns then voice them, but not at the expense of praising a good job well done!!

my mums various comments

"but aren't you too old? (Starting an MBA at 34)

But what will you use it for? (getting an MBA, despite working full time with 2 kids)

Don't you regret all that time it took?

My mum worked full time (we were latch key kids) and I swear i will never understand why she said this stuff to me! You might find that she tells other people how proud she is of you!

Oh, and WELL DONE op on all your success!

No doubt you will go from strength to strength and be a fantastic role model for your kids.

I just wanted to say well done and congratulations.

How you manage your life and your family is up to you. Ask your mum outright, 'Will you please be happy for me?' And let her know she's not going to be pushed out, if that's her underlying concern.