To be feeling sad, lonely and a bit emotional.

[AnaemicPrincess]

My Ds and I moved in with my dp about two weeks ago. We have a very loving relationship most of the time. He is attentive, affectionate and treats ds like he is his own. This means a lot to me as ds's dad was abusive and just generally not a nice person.

This week after several days of constant severe stomach and back ache I finally went to the dr and then to the hospital where I was diagnosed with suspected ibs. This has come as a massive shock to me as I never expected anything like this and I know that worse case it can really effect your life so understandably I am upset as well as in a great deal of pain and discomfort. Dp seems to shift between being very supportive to just down right cold and snappy with me and I have no idea why. Now I feel as if he us annoyed with the fact I have complained and moaned about how much pain I was experiencing and he seems to think I am exaggerating about how I feel.

I'm probably being over sensitive but just feel quite let down.

Have you explained what's actually going on? Does he know how much pain and discomfort? Maybe you need to sit down and look through any patient leaflets you have or any info together.

There are two issues here. One is your DP and I think you will only sort that out by asking him. Is he used to you being sorted and in control? Is he worried about you? Who knows, so ask him.

On the IBS, I suffered for years. I no longer do. A few things helped.

1. Food; less meat, more vegetables. Watch the alcohol and caffeine and drink lots of water.
2. Peppermint tea. I would have sworn it was an opiate the way it works. Literally takes the pain away.
3. Stress. IBS is my early warning system. Get a twinge, something is up.

A few thoughts spring to mind:

• Is your DP used to sharing with someone else? Even if everything is fine it is a huge upheaval especially for the person who was living alone before.
• It is very difficult to really feel someone else's pain - especially if you arent used to having to.
• You have looked at the worst case scenario, what is the best case scenario?

I am not accusing either of you of being unreasonable. You are both in a horrible situation.

IBS is horrible, I have suffered with periods of it for years and it is the most horrific pain - if labour is a 2 on the pain scale, IBS is an 11!!! It's mostly under control now, although it does flare up occasionally (stress and pasta seem to be triggers for me). You can get medication to stop the bowel spasms, and I also take lactulose and painkillers plus peppermint tea to calm it down.

Your DP needs to learn more about the condition and understand it. It's not good if he is cold and snappy when you are complaining of severe pain. Are you having second thoughts about the relationship?

I have explained as best I can to him what is going on but he doesn't really seem to grasp the concept that this isn't something that will just pass.

I suppose he is used to me being in control in some way, I don't normally play the sick card or ask for sympathy but lately I've just not been fit for anything! Even a short walk has made me feel really ill. Thank you for the tips regarding IBS, thankfully I don't really drink caffeine based things and I very rarely drink so that's helpful.

I have to assume that he wants us living with him as he was the one who really pushed for us to move in. It is the first time either of us has lived with someone we were in a relationship with so I understand it must be hard to constantly have that person there. I love it but maybe it's overwhelming for him.

I have to admit that I am very unsympathetic when DH is ill . I'm just not used to nursemaid type treatment - my DMum has always been of the view that if you're alive, you're fine and you should get on with things. I was never allowed to be off school or work when I lived at home, she had no time for sickness. Maybe he is like me!

It is hard when you first move in with someone. I remember when DH and I were first moving in together, a friend gave me some advice which I have often passed on to other couples embarking on the same course: "Be prepared that you might not like each other very much for the first few months". Adjusting to living with someone takes time - especially when you're sharing all your space, even your bed! It does get easier though. Honest!

That's really good advice, I hope that applied to us and he's just getting used to sharing his space with not just me but also a 5 year old. I know it must be a lot to handle as well as me being ill and troubles with my ex. I just hope he isn't having second thoughts :(