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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about not having a party for DD this year?

20 replies

TheSpokenNerd · 30/06/2012 08:44

She's turning 8 and says she doesn't want a party but to go to the build a bear factory with her sister and to a theme park instead.

I gave her various options such as "invite two friends to build a bear and then go for pizza instead of the theme park" et but she only wants a little tea party with us,her sister and gran and then to have the other things....build a bear and theme park.

I am worried about it because she''s quite shy but usually enjoys a party...her own expecilly...she started a new school in September but has had some party invites and playddates....so whilst she is quiet, I know who to ask for her and she also has other friends from her old school.

AIBU to tell her that she ought to ask a couple of mates too? Or will she be fine with just us and her sister along for the day out?

OP posts:

Jinsei · 30/06/2012 08:46

If that's what she says she wants, I'd go along with it tbh. Parties aren't compulsory. :)

What exactly are you worried about?

Original poster

TheSpokenNerd · 30/06/2012 08:49

I suppose I worry that she's going to regret not having one....she's shy but she likes these things once they happen....and I generally worry that we wont be able to come up with enought stuff to make the day special....enough ideas!

OP posts:

froggies · 30/06/2012 08:59

Oh how I wish my dd would not want a party! I thought i was being clever by suggesting a pj party with a couple of her friends..... Now she wants her '8 bestest friends ever' to be there. 9 seven yr olds all sleeping over? Aaagggghhhh!

Anyway... Your dd, it sounds like she is quite sure of what she wants, I would go with it tbh. I doubt she will regret getting what she has asked for, and she can always have a party next year, don't worry about it and make the most of her actually wanting to spend her special time with you guys, even the shy ones get to the point that they would rather die than spend their birthday with parents and siblings!

Dprince · 30/06/2012 09:03

I doubt she will regret not having one party. She may have one next year.
Dd is 8 next week and has declined a party. She has clocked on that there are better options. She is very money savvy.
She negotiated with dh to have a chunk of money instead of the party as we go to Florida in a few months and she wanted the extra spending money.

tiredteddy · 30/06/2012 09:05

Could you stretch to invite 1 friend to the build a bear and the theme park if you are worried? I think she sounds like she is choosing what she would rather do which is no bad thing. It sounds like a lovely choice and sweet to be happy with her family.

jamdonut · 30/06/2012 10:53

The number of birthday parties I have had for my kids I can count on one hand!
They are not compulsory, mine would prefer to have "a treat" outing anyway,and I really resent spending loads of money to entertain other people's kids for a couple of hours.(I am a skinflint, I know). Parties have become competetive,to see who can do the most amzing one, and I just don't see the point. Thankfully my children are old enough to not want parties now.

Anyway, it's her birthday, let her do what she wants! Are you worried other parents may feel put out because your daughter was invited to their parties?

CarrieBradshawsManolos · 30/06/2012 11:14

Honestly I've never had "proper" birthday party for either of my 2 dds aged 9 and 5. We've had family ones were I'll do a small buffet and we have birthday cake and candles, we usually do this the day before or after the birthday. We always plan a day out on their birthdays, Legoland, Waterpark, zoo, etc we let them the choose. We spin in that their getting 2 days to celebrate their birthdays, one for a day out and one for a family party.

The reason we've never have "proper" birthday parties is because dd1 has ASD, she is very socially awkward and although she does have a handful of friends at school, I've pretty much been shunned by their parents because dd1 is different. I don't want to put her through the agony of having no one turn up to her birthday party.

It hasn't really been a problem with dd2 (NT) as she is small, but now she is in school I can see her wanting a party at some point. I'm really not sure how we will tackle that one.

Mrsjay · 30/06/2012 11:17

I am not sure what you are concerned about but tbh if thats how she wants to spend her birthday then why not ? My dds have had about 5 or 6 parties between them one is an adult now, but we would go for days out or the cinema and dinner on birthdays,

imnotmymum · 30/06/2012 11:22

We never have parties but always do family stuff child requests at 8 I doubt this will have a lasting effect on her and be one of big lifes regrets

WorraLiberty · 30/06/2012 11:23

Bloody hell. Build a bear and a theme park??

No wonder you want her to have a party, it'd be a hell of a lot cheaper

I can't see why she'd regret not having one though...I can't think of any child I know who has one every single year?

shewhowines · 30/06/2012 11:27

She's chosen those two things over a party but that doesn't mean she wouldn't enjoy a friend or two sharing one/both with her if your finances will stretch to it. If you can afford it, ask her again if she wants it to be just you as family or if she would like her friends too.

ZZZenAgain · 30/06/2012 11:34

if she doesn't want one, I don't think it is necessary. Do what she wants to do, it sounds like a nice day.

Original poster

TheSpokenNerd · 30/06/2012 11:54

she IS getting money savvy and DO think she's sussed that she's going to get more f she has no party! I did ask her f she wanted a friend to come but she said "No...I just want us." fair enough then eh?

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 30/06/2012 11:59

If she just wants family then thats ok I always found taking friends away for the day stressful dunno why I just did

COCKadoodledooo · 30/06/2012 12:02

My ds1 wants a party this year and I bloody hate organising them - care to swap dcs?

Original poster

TheSpokenNerd · 30/06/2012 12:08

It is stressful mrsJay....it's because you never know other DC's habits and fancies and you're paranoid of losing or breaking the little horrors.

OP posts:

GnocchiNineDoors · 30/06/2012 12:12

I cant imagine shell regret not having an eigth birthday party....I mean, she'll have another birthday the next year....abd the next....and the next. Plenty of opportunity for parties if she wants them

If she wants to go to a theme park with you and her family, and you can afford it, YWBU not to do it or try and dissuade her.

Just check before hand that she passes the height restrictions in the rides.

Maryz · 30/06/2012 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VolAuVent · 30/06/2012 12:32

Go with what she'd like to do :) It's good for her to make her own decisions and will build up her confidence when the things she chooses are carried out successfully.

Lots of other opportunities for socialising, and it's lovely that she'd like this family time on this occasion.

Mrsjay · 30/06/2012 12:36

oh that is just reminded me spokennerd
took dd1 then 5 with 5 yr old friend to a family day at a local castle , friend tripped on a bloody cobble and put her tooth through her lip couldnt have been mine no it had to be somebody elses child sigh

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