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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry my question was deleted

45 replies

littlesos · 30/06/2012 07:56

I was a member of a facebook group which is for current parents of my childrens primary school. It isn't run by the school, one of the parents started it. Over the last year the school has run lots of themed meals days, on these days there is a special menu and if you don't send back the letter and money in advance you cannot have a hot dinner that day. I work full-time and on certain days the girls are in school from 8.00 till 5.30, on these days I like them to have a hot dinner, but often they don't like the themed food so I have no choice but to send them with a packed lunch.
I posted a question on the facebook group saying that I was getting fed-up of all these themed dinners as they play havoc with my plans, was anyone else bothered by them. I can't remember the exact words. I know I had a few responses, a couple of people said they were fed-up and another said she quite liked them. I have just found out that the school has ordered that the post be deleted, which it now has. I am really angry about this, what right have they to censor what is on a facebook group page, besides it wasn't an attack on the school it was a question to see if it was just me that was being annoyed.

OP posts:
sparkles281 · 30/06/2012 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imnotmymum · 30/06/2012 08:12

Themed dinners ? How far removed from normal dinners are they? Your DC may not like the regular menu on certain days and the cook cannot please everyone tastebuds. However I think your thread was right to be deleted does sound a bit complainy.

LindyHemming · 30/06/2012 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dprince · 30/06/2012 08:18

I think yabu. The menu won't be that different to the normal menu. Also if you have a concern you go to the school. Not ask for opinions on their page. That's not what's its there for.

Sirzy · 30/06/2012 08:19

I think any complaints really should be taken up directly with the school rather than via FB

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 30/06/2012 08:23

It depends. If the school meals are outsourced and the company is doing this than I think it's a legitimate whingeathon as but were and the school could respond and suggest where to send constructive feedback.

If they are themed days for fun and the meals are a part of that than perhaps that should be addressed privately to the school.

seeker · 30/06/2012 08:25

"thermed dinners" = "nasty foreign food" in my experience!

3 things there will be posting guidelines- there are very strict rules about social networking and schools. A packed lunch can be as filling and nutritious as a hot meal- often more so. And it's a bit silly to say your children don'tnlike themed menus- usually it's practically the same food as usual but with a picturenofnthe Leaning Toeer of Pisa on the wall!

wanttomakeadifference · 30/06/2012 08:26

DC school has themed dinners, the cost is the same as regular meals and the theme is pretty 'loose' e.g. the Twits worm pasta for world book day (was regular spaghetti bolognese).

I do find your issue with themed meals a bit strange- to me it sounds like a bit of fun. However, I'm sure you have your reasons and you have every right to choose for your DC not to have them.

I do however think YABU to be annoyed that your comment has been removed from Facebook. It is not the place to complain about the school- to do so opens up a nasty can of worms. Can you imagine if every parent posted their concerns about the school on Facebook?

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 30/06/2012 08:26

Sorry about the wording^ on phone. What I'm trying to say is a thread gauging reaction to see if anyone is fed up with the options offered by a company providing hot dinners I think is fair enough.

imnotmymum · 30/06/2012 08:27

Ha Ha Seeker our themed dinner last week [we are doing them as part of olympics] was spag bol ! The only differende to the usual spag bol was it had tricolore pasta !!

Sparklingbrook · 30/06/2012 08:33

I am Shock at 'school FB page'. Yikes!

Dprince · 30/06/2012 08:40

Imnot - dds school did exactly the same. :)

Original poster
littlesos · 30/06/2012 08:49

OK, seems I am being unreasonable, however it wasn't a complaint about the school and it isn't a school run group. It was a question to see if it was just me that was getting fed-up with the themed dinners. It's more the fact that the replies and money have to be sent in weeks in advance and if you miss the deadline that's it, the food choices are limited, and it has become quite a frequent event I think there has been one every few weeks this term.
Interestingly it seems it's fine to complain about the quality of the school photos.

OP posts:
nkf · 30/06/2012 08:52

Sparklingbrook - me too. Does that emoticon mean "taken aback?" becuase I am too

Dprince · 30/06/2012 09:00

But you were canvassing opinions regarding the schools activities.
Commenting on something that school isn't doing themselves is different.
The fb page may not be the schools, however the school will have given permission for it to be set up and have certain stipulations.

Sparklingbrook · 30/06/2012 09:00

I just can't imagine a FB group connected to school nkf, and how it wouldn't be one big moan-fest. Grin

Plus FB is evil

seeker · 30/06/2012 09:02

A themed dinner every few weeks this term......

Well, in a 7 week term.....

SuchProspects · 30/06/2012 09:16

YANBEntirelyU. I think you are getting a hard time here. If you weren't working you might be at the school gate and could gage others' opinions there, but for parents who work, online groups or email listservs can be ways to keep in touch with other parents. I don't think it is appropriate for a school to try and stop parents from organizing to make change happen. It can isolate parents and make them feel they are being trivial. It's also a big imbalance of power.

Schools have legitimate fears about online groups becoming wells of negativity, but insisting on no negative information gathering by those who have a concern they limit the usefulness of the site to parents and to some extent limits their accountability to parents. I think the trouble is that robust, thoughtful moderation is time consuming and not practical for a school to ask for, so they ask for all negative things deleted instead.

You could try reposting with an entirely neutral spin - along the lines of "I was just hoping to conduct a quick survey on the themed lunches - how do they work for people? How much do your children like them? What are the best and worst points about them?" And then connect with the parents who seem most likely to share your concerns.

Dprince · 30/06/2012 09:19

Well I work full time and don't do any school runs. I can manage to express my concerns to the school without fb.
if she isn't happy why does she need others to back her up?

Original poster
littlesos · 30/06/2012 09:20

Not sure where your children are going to school, but where I am we've got 13 weeks in the summer term.

OP posts:
Original poster
littlesos · 30/06/2012 09:29

Dprince, like you I don't do any school runs. I simply wanted to see whether this was an issue for other people, or just me. I don't have the luxury of being able to speak with other parents to gauge reactions, have a quick moan about petty niggles or say how good some of the recent changes have been.

It seems that I wrongly saw the facebook group as a way for me to "chat" with other parents about stuff and experience the "school gate" conversations.

OP posts:
SuchProspects · 30/06/2012 09:40

Dprince I didn't say parents (whether they work or not) can't express their concerns, I said they can't network with other parents at the school gate as easily.

Isolating parents from each other can leave them feeling that their concerns are trivial. Many parents will be quite happy to tell the school they are unhappy regardless, others want to know if they ABU. Plus, there is a big imbalance of power - the school knows what feedback they've had from parents, other parents can't see if the issue is one the school is ignoring or has addressed for other parents or where other pressure may be coming from, or if it is a complete non-event - this is not conducive to being held accountable. Networking and discovering what else is going on gives parents a bigger picture which can allow them to be more effective at getting a reasonable hearing.

Also, by networking the OP may find another solution that some other parent has come up with, it doesn't have to be about pressuring the school. She might also find out that the meals have been a boon to some parents and decide her concerns are not as important.

seeker · 30/06/2012 09:42

A themed dinner every few weeks in a 13 week term- ooh, that must be what, 4? 5?

Spiritedwolf · 30/06/2012 09:44

Littlesos, is it perhaps possible that after the post you made and the initial comments that you saw, that perhaps there were more rude er... controversal responses and that they are why the thread got deleted?

Sometimes those in authority have a knee-jerk response to criticism (however minor) no matter how self-defeating that response is. There was a recent story about a school girl who was banned from taking photos of her school lunches for her foodie blog - even though she wasn't overly critical of her lunches (she loved some, others were just ok) after a newspaper picked up the story and said the dinner ladies should be sacked (the girl herself hadnt said anything like this at all). The result was a bigger media storm and a humiliating climb down for the LA. The girl wasn't responsible for what some sensationalist journalist had written, and if the photos of the food were damning in themselves then the school should improve the food.

It could also just be that someone is rather over-protective of the themed menu idea and took offence!

I suggest you put your criticism of the themed menu system in writing to the school and express your surprise that discussion of the topic was censored.

I can kind of understand them not wanting a thread of moans about the dinners to get out of control on a public forum, but a better response would have been to respond on the thread that they would be happy to discuss the matter with parents if they got in touch with the school directly with their concerns. That way they look reasonable and perhaps sort out the ordering/paying/alternatives available thing.

nkf · 30/06/2012 09:51

Unless the school is very odd, a themed meal day will be exactly the same as their usual menu except there might be some prawn crackers to go with the stiry fry. How they can play havoc with your plans is beyond me. Aren't they the same price? If not and there are problems with arrangment and can, just speak to the school.