Ex - Safety issue, opinions please?

[enoughalreadyffs]

Right will try to keep short.

Ex sees dc in my home as he has nowhere suitable to take them.

Recently I had a new bathroom fitted with new extractor fan, the fan is noisy and it scares dd, so she doesn't like putting the light on in the bathroom (no bathroom window, internal room) and the fan goes on automatically with the light.

To get round this she has been taking the lamp (very small) from the hall way, the cable reaches and puts it on the floor just inside the door of the bathroom, switches it on, goes to the loo, switches off lamp, puts it back on the hall table. I live in a very small flat and am never more than about three feet away from her when she does this.

Ex came to see kids tonight and went nuts. Didn't shout at her but was very firm about not doing it, raised his voice and pretty much ranting at her, she is 5. Going on about danger and water in the bathroom etc. Now he may have a point but the lamp is never in there when the bath or sink is full, because when they are it is because I am there also and the main light is on. She is not scared when I am there. When he ranted at her she started crying and came to me for a hug. I told him not to rant at her about it, she is 5, she doesn't understand you shouting at her how dangerous it is is frightening her, lets discuss it when they are in their rooms. He then calls our ds up from his room to tell him about it, ask him what he thinks, does he think Mum is stupid to think this is ok, ds is 9 and has SN. Ds agrees that yes Mum is stupid, totally prompted by his Dad.

Ex then decides to dismantle my extractor fan from my bathroom, it is now not working and is unsafe. I told him not to do this in my home, he did it anyway and said it is for safety of kids. Tells me he is contacting social services about me as I don't care about my kids or their safety. I repeatedly ask him to leave and he only does so after I start to call the police. All the while he is calling me stupid, selfish etc. In front of kids, involving them in the argument All the while I am saying lets talk about it when kids are out of way.

We have a very, very long history of similar behaviours, he is very controlling and abusive and recently he has started to involve the kids in any fall outs. Asking their opinions, asking if they think Mum is selfish and stupid, look at Mum, she is so stupid she doesn't understand anything blah blah blah.

That wasnt short at all, sorry but didn't want to drip feed. Can I just have your thoughts please. I can't have him here anymore, I think it is damaging to kids to have to listen to this kind of thing. Before the bathroom thing came up I could tell he was spoiling for a fight with a comment he made beforehand about something different. I know he will get quite nasty with me now and stop child support but I can't have this in front of the kids can I?

My husband says that you are allowed sockets and electrical items in bathrooms in the UK just like everywhere else in Europe. The regulations are laid down by EU law. He says its all about zones and which zone you have it eg you are not allowed anything electrical whatsoever within reach of someone in the bath. The further away from the bath, the less strict the rules. In England the custom is none in the bathroom because it saves all the faffing of working out what type is allowed where.

He sounds like nightmare, you should never have him in your home and if he uses child support to control you then you should go through the CSA if you can, basically you need to cut off all ways for him to get to you

But while I think his behaviour is disgraceful I do think he's right about the lamp issue and I would be very concerned about it too, I think with children (and especially of you have a child with sn) some things need to be a complete no no, no grey areas and this is certainly one of those things, children need to know you can never take plugged in electrical items into a bathroom otherwise they might think its ok and take other things in there (and you cant watch them all the time)

www.amazon.co.uk/Philips-SpotOn-Motion-Sensor-One-Pack/dp/B000PVX678/ref=pd_sim_light_2

I have one of these with rechargable batteries after dd fell down the stairs one night. Know you can't get it tomorrow, but might be worth thinking about as a standby

Don't have exP in your home again, he's forfeited that right.

He's an ex for a very good reason by the sound of it, but yet he still gets to abuse you and the dcs? He can take the kids to the park, soft play, Mcdonalds, round wherever he lays his head but not your home which should be your sanctuary.

Any non-payment of child maintenance then go to the CSA and have it deducted at source.

Don't allow him in your house again. What a twat

Absolutely don't let him in your house anymore and stop communicating with him about anything verbally all requests in writing/email from now on

Thanks all. Most of the time I have things on an even keel and to be fair to him he can be reasonable, but every couple of months he will get a bee in his bonnet about something, then the gloves come off, I am every name under the son. It's like he just can't help himself. He tried to be on his best behaviour and show "how much he's changed" but then I will be what he perceives as non compliant about something and all hell breaks loose.

Now he is involving the kids and he says it's because he needs them to see how unreasonable I am (aged 5 & 9!) or they might blame him. They, apparently, need to know what he's up against, he can't seem to see how bad that is. It IS abuse isn't it? Because he really can't see it.

I have told him that he can't come here anymore and will need to take them out. He agrees but then he always does until something happens and he pops into spend time with them and then things just slip back to the old pattern. I am resolute now though. I can't have him doing that to dc.

Be strong enoughalready, don't let him worm his way back into visiting in the house. I'd also go the CSA route for getting the child support, and let him make himself look stupid by calling him on the SS thing.
trying to show the kids what he's "up against" How immature and abusive!

OK, stop all contact and ban him from your house. Get a solicitor and have a chat with Women's Aid, this nasty silly little man needs putting firmly in his place.
He has no power over you. It's easier than you think to block an abusive man and cut him pretty much out of your lives, and one as dickish as this is going to give himself away repeatedly in court. Get the CSA on him, contact legally formalised, and him banned from the house. It is, as others have said, his responsibility to arrange somewhere to take the DC on contact visits.