To have walked out of friend's house?

[Flyingwithoutwings]

Just been to one of my best friend's house. It's her daughter's birthday.
Gave daughter present & card. Her DH offered to make a cuppa, which I said yes to...
Meanwhile my DH, 3 year old DS and I were sat in the garden. Friend came out, talked about her parents (becoming hard work due to age / illness). My DH commented on her t shirt, didn't say anything bad - its a Pineapple Dance top and he was talking about "that Louis prat", trying to recall his surname.
Friend gets all defensive (very common) and snaps "doesn't make me an idiot", DH replies, I didn't mean you, I meant that Louis bloke".
She said "that's the 2nd thing you've said". DH looks confused.
She then said "F* blah blah" (can't recall the context, it wasn't F off, more F sake.
As my 3 year old was stood next to her I said "Language"!
She said "he couldn't hear"
Erm... He's stood beside you, he may not pay attention but he would have heard!
She said "I can say what I like its my house". She storms off!
I looked at DH and said that we should leave. So we did. Didn't see friend, said bye to her daughter and bye (sorry for not drinking the tea) to her DH.
She was nowhere to be seen as we walked through.

She's my DS's Godmother. So am I unreasonable to have asked her to mind her language and was I unreasonable to have just left.
I accept that it's her home and, really, she can do anything in it. But I also think that you should behave nicely in front of children / guests in your own home.

ok, sorry if i was a bit harsh before

she sounds like hard work (and a bit fragile and under pressure)

sometimes people who strop about don't mind or notice if other people do, so hopefully it won't become a big issue

were it me (ever the people pleaser, but really I cannot be arsed with any grief) i'd call her to see if she's ok

but i do think saying "language" is a daft thing to do, because it does make it more of an issue than ignoring it

I don't think yabu Having someone like family, (godparent) swearing next to your child is a lot different that random strangers in public. I'd have probably said something too. I don't want my kids thinking that it's OK to speak like that and seeing someone they respect do it makes it OK to them.
Seeing some random person in public I can blow it off to them as an idiot and we don't talk like that.

I'm like you, I hate confrontation and arguments and tend to let things pass, put it down to "oh they've probably had a bad day" etc.

I didn't say anything untoward to her DD or DH so, for all they know, thy might think that I had to get DS home due to an accident (again).

If she hadn't been drinking before, she will be now, so I shall leave it and test the water.

I know she has stuff on her mind, we all do, but I think today was the "straw" that broke my back with regards to strops... I'll be my usual, tolerant, self tomorrow (I do have a cold so maybe I'm losing my ability to turn a blond eye).

Thank you xxxx

Sorry cross post!

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not unique in not accepting swearing from "family"

Thy = they
Blond = blind

Who is Louis?

Why would you say language to your friend, my mum would say language to me when I was 14 not now as a grownup. How patronising are you?

If you cant teach your children whats acceptable or not to say whatever they hear around them, thats not everyone elses problem.

I would be incredibly pissed off if a friend told me to mind my language in what was already a tense situation. I think you should be the one to apologise.

Louis Spence, that bloke from Pineapple Dance Studio who thinks he's the most amazing dancer... He's very annoying!

Oh i swear like a trouper sometimes in front of my Dcs (waiting for flaming now) and they never ever swear and tell me off for it.

"language" is something I've always said, it wasn't said with spite. We use it in the office too... Perhaps it depends on your circle of friends but none of mine find it patronising as I don't either.

Apology received. All is now well with my small, generally uneventful, world. Well it will be once we've had a hug and a chat

Thanks for your time and opinions.

I think you overignited an already stroppy hormonal woman :o

Probably, or maybe I've taken the "can't beat 'em, join 'em" attitude

I think you overreacted a tad, I don't like people swearing in front of dc's, it makes me cringe, but you know sometimes it happens. It's not the end of the world, tbh I wouldn't have flounced.

There were 2 ladies discussing an arse of a Man on the bus the other day, he was the partner of one and the son of the other.

We basically got the whole life story of both Women, peppered with many swear words. I was telling the dc's to shush . They were exposed to many a swear, but if they repeat they get told off and don't use it (within my earshot) again, no biggy.

"language" to me is the same as "stop answering back" "dont roll your eyes" "this is not a laughing matter" I was a delightful child obviously. Really couldnt take a friend telling me off in my own house though....

If you'd pulled me on my language in my house you wouldn't have had time to discuss with your DH whether or not to leave, you'd have been booted out.

I think your dh was rude to make a derogatory comment on someone his hostess had chosen, so to speak, to wear on her T-shirt. It sounds like cricitism and as if he really has little idea of social mores. Is he usually that uncouth? And do you say "language" to him when he embarrasses you like that?

But, Graham, I expect there are phrases that you / your family / your friends use that I may take offence to.
In my circle, "language" is commonly used if someone swears at an inappropriate time and it is not, for one moment, said in an inflammatory way, nor is it taken like that.

Cory, I didn't think my DH was commenting on her top, merely it triggered a recollection of the programme and therefore, Louis Spence.
Much the same if I was wearing a Steps top

Walter, surely you don't think its okay to swear in front of kids and not apologize????.

I agree with Cory Your DH was rude to make a remark about her shirt, and I would have sort of seen it that way even if what he said was about Louis the Pineapple Dance person and not the shirt itself it cast aspersions on her taste no matter how you look at it, and I think you were rude to say 'language' to her in her own house too. Plus you probably made your DS take more notice than he would have otherwise.

She clearly wanted to vent about her parents' visit and instead of hearing what she said about that and asking her about it, your DH was rude about what she was wearing and blew off her remark about her parents completely.

I'm quite surprised tbh I tell my parents 'language' in front of my DC,

but they just say 'Oh it slipped out' and that's that.

Flying, just because it's acceptable to speak to an adult as if they were a child in your other circles doesn't mean it is always so. If you speak to someone in a patronising manner and effectively tell them what they can and can't say in their own home you need to accept the possibility that the adult you're dictating to is going to take offence. I repeat, had you dictated to me in my own home you'd have been told to leave.

BTW, did you reprimand your husband for using the word "prat" in front of your child too?