Am I making the right choice?

[cheekypickle]

DD is 11 months old and I send her to the childminder from 9am-5pm monday to friday.

I'm still not back at work full time after being in hospital and being diagnosed with bi polar. I'll be back at work full time in sept (teacher)

is it reasonable that I send her to the childminder so much? part of me becoming ill was the stress of being a SAHM.

DD will be going to the childminder in the holidays too.

Am I making the right decision? I'm hoping one day I'll be able to have her at home more , maybe going part time. but right now I feel I need to focus on getting better and getting back to work.

am I being selfish?

No it isn't selfish, in practical terms, because keeping yourself well is acting in your DD's interest.

She isn't going to be damaged in any way by going to the childminders and having all of her needs met there, then coming home to a mum who is happy and able to parent her effectvely.

Lots of children of her age are doing those hours in day care, whilst there parents are at work, with no ill effect.

No you are not being selfish. You have to take care of your self first in order to be able to take care of your dd.

As long as she is happy to be at the childminder and you can afford it thats all that matters.

YANBU or selfish. I second what Birds says.

Hi Cheeky,

I don't think you should think "am I being selfish?" If you are ill and don't feel up to being a SAHM, you're putting your daughter somewhere she can be looked after and giving yourself the space you need to recover.

If you are going back to work full time, your daughter will be in childcare anyway. So it is just a couple of months more while you get set up to return to work.

The thing I always try to remember is that nothing is forever. If you feel better and fancy picking her up early and doing nice things together, you can. If you want to use childcare all day you can, but equally you can always pick up early/drop off late if you want to.

As long as you are getting help to deal with your illness so you don't feel so bad, I think you have to do what works at any point in time. If this works for you now, accept it and focus on the good things ahead when you're better.

You are not being selfish. Better for her to be in a safe environment while you take care of yourself. You sound really sensible actually and are coping with the situation in a very healthy way. Good luck to you and your DD.

thanks everyone.

its just guilt creeps up on me about it! DD loves the childminder, its better for her to go and interact with lots of other children than be stuck at home with me.

I really appreciate evenings and weekends.

I have to keep telling myself that other children go to the childminder as much

Hey! You! Stop being so hard on yourself. I agree with Birdsgottafly. You're doing fab.

Hi cheeky, just to second what everyone else had said, it makes sense for her to be in a safe fun environment whilst you get back on your feet than to be home with you while you struggle on and get ill.

You are doing what's best for your family and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

Bi-polar or no bi-polar I think it is a sensible idea. We all need me time. Just enjoy, you're perfectly allowed.

My friend did the same. She had PND and couldnt cope.

You don't mention your DH. Can he not taken leave in the summer and you can all have some weeks at home or even on holiday all together. I assume it is easier to look after your daughter with him around?

husband has a week off in the holidays which will be good.

I'm having DD for 2 weeks whilst CM is on holiday. Part of me is looking forward to it but other is nervous as to how I'll cope.

I really want to be a SAHM but really dont think I can cope with it!!

Firstly i echo what everyone else says. I'm not ill, but i do work full time. Both my children were in nursery full time from 6 months old. I felt guilty (and still do sometimes as they are now in afterschool club) but they are VERY happy, well adjusted, polite, social children who have lots of friends, interact well, share well and are generally little independent people now (at 5 and 4)
I pick them up at 5 each day and they have 3 hours of dedicated mummy time, talking about their day, doing homewoek, playing, reading, before bath and bed. I feel this is better than having grumpy, nagging, bored mummy at home all day with them.
Just wanted to reassure you that children in nursery and childminders can thrive, often more so than children at home, so while the guilt may be there, please try to focus on getting yourself back to full health - this has to be the most important thing for your child long term.
Take care

thanks wfhmumoftwo,

I just dont know anyone who puts their children into childcare full time so I feel like the odd one out. Having said that my sister says she wishes she could afford for her DD to go full time.