to call my dh selfish

[fatfingers]

I work Mon-Fri 7.45am - 3pm so I do the afternoon school run. Childminder takes dcs to school in the morning.

DH left his last job a year ago has been doing agency work for last 6 months, which he loves. However, the work is mainly weekends and antisocial hours. It means I never get a break because when I'm not at work I'm caring for dcs. I'm often on my own with dcs all weekend so I don't get time to have my hair done, have had to cancel appointments due to his work commitments, etc.

DH has a couple of days (at least) off in the week so he has time to do as he pleases. He will do some cleaning on his days off and he cooks the dinner most nights when he's home. He doesn't do any washing/ironing in the week so I have all that to do at the weekend. If he is at home in the morning, he will stay in bed and let me get up and get the dcs ready and out to the childminder's. Sometimes I just leave them for him to get ready but the last time I did this he moaned, saying he needed a lie in because he had got in from work late. I do sandwiches every evening. I put the dcs to bed every single night without fail - he never does bedtime.

We have argued about this and I called him selfish. He says I am the selfish one because previously(in his last job), he used to finish work and do the afternoon school run, then make dinner and clean up afterwards and I didn't help him so he's not going to help me now. He has never done morning drop offs (he used to be out too early) or bedtimes so I think he is talking rubbish. AIBU?

I would draw up a chart, of the times you are at home and what typically gets done during those times say over the past week or over the next week. I would then show this to him so you have a sort of demonstration (I always find any kind of picture makes my DH understand everything much more than me saying it, especially when I'm annoyed).

YANBU but if he used to feel over worked and so did you maybe you need to work out a more equal division of the labour.

I'm trying to understand how you divide the workload.

You work part time and do washing/ironing on your days off whilst he works full time and does cleaning on his days off.

You finish work early and pick children up from school and make school sandwiches whilst he cooks dinner most nights.

It all sounds fair enough to me, just your bad luck that the DC are around on your weekend whilst he has his days off to himself during the week.

Does he need a lie in in the morning because he works antisocial hours and gets home late? If not I think he should help with DC in the morning.