To want to ask GPs to 'calm' down with DD

[bitingteeth]

DD is 22 months. She sees her GPs (dad side) about once every week or two, generally after her afternoon nap. Each and every night after she sees them she is exhausted and melts down in the bath/bed time (I do try and bring it forward after she has seen them but it makes no difference!). Every single time. She is with them from about 3.30 to 5 but they are FULL on with her.

They live 5 mins up the road and the visits are usually (9/10) instigated by me. Even if they do see her more often, they are still as FULL on with each visit. They are constantly talking over other to get her attention at the top of their voices (I get a headache), waving different toys in her face every two mins etc.

I am not sure what to do. I don't want DD to be totally frazzled after each visit, but not sure how to put this to them tactfully. Perhaps I am being unreasonable, but she has just spent time with her other GPs and it is all fine! I would like to make them aware of how frazzled she is after spending time with them and maybe ask them to tone it down a bit, but how do I do this?

sundaegirl that sort of comment really annoys me. I think it is save to say that just because I love my DH and chose to marry him, that it doesn't automatically mean that his parents were great parents! Are you seriously saying that if someone is married, their parents must have done a wonderful job of raising them?

Oh and I can't miss the bath on the nights she has seen them. She is such a sweaty mess after playing with them, I have to wash her hair!

why not let them bath her and she comes home in her pj and you have quiet time with her and then into bed

Could you send them round to mine poor baby dd would love the company.

I don't get all this over stimulation stuff tbh, I think it's a little a lot Dd is 3rd child we have had older playmates here for the others, she has been swung in the baby bouncer from a height taken on the trampoline sang to dragged around school pick ups. Yes she wailed before bed and then she went asleep. What she gets from their company is worth the over tiredness.

Sorry, a little pfb

longjane Thu 28-Jun-12 20:20:01

why not let them bath her and she comes home in her pj and you have quiet time with her and then into bed

^^
This is a great idea!

Seems they are competing with each other, could they visit on their own so they get their 'own special time' with her.

Still don't think she needs a bath every night and especially not a hair wash, no wonder she cries. What harm will it do to have her bath the next morning or night?

either - let DD see them in the morning and go home for sleep time OR get parents to bath her, read her books and feed her in the late afternoon. Can you tell them that you think it's very odd but she always seems stressed after their visits.

Maybe you could be honest with them and explain the impact their visits have and ask for their suggestions n how you deal with it?

The bath is the issue she can go to bed with sweaty hair and get washed in the morning

DD1 is overstimulated when all DHs family are there at once but I get them to flannel and PJ her and carry her from car to bed usually, your routine needs to flex to what she can handle at the time. Also give it 4 months and like my DD1 she will be vocal enough to make it clear to them what she wants to play with!

I think those that are saying you're being PFB have never had to deal with this. My parents are the same, one parent will he reading a book while the other is literally doing a song and dance with instruments. I remember the meltdown starting as my parents were leaving and I was desperately trying to help DD nap and DF was looking concerned and saying how she needed winding. I know he was itching to bounce her on his knee - I almost had to shoo them out!

I dealt with it by talking in general terms, 'oh she gets so grumpy if he doesn't nap, you always get so many more smiles once she's rested' that kind of thing.

I also took them out for coffee with DD in the pram so she could nap as we walked there. If it didn't calm down I would have said something and I think if none of these things work and they're snarky with you, get your DH to say something. As for, 'we have raised children you know' I would respond with, 'well yes, but children are individuals and this is my DD and I know she's tired now'.

If nine times out of 10 you instigate the visits isn't the obvious solution simply not to instigate so many?! I understand your frustration but it would be very difficult to state an argument for having it both ways.

You never know, perhaps they don't want to have quite so many visits (but don't want to say no) and therefore aren't in the best frame of mind to manage her according to what might be appropriate.

To add to that, yes I agree, there are ways of suggesting alternative ways of handling your DD in positive terms. "Oh we've discovered DD loves a bit of calm reflective play, would you believe it?! But we did this (example) the other day and she really seemed to enjoy playing in such peace and quiet..."

Give her a bath in the morning. Of course the grandparents want to play with her when they see her and that is going to lead to her being wound up - at least they are having fun together. Why not take some of her favourite books with you and for the last 20 minutes or so suggest they read to her or something else calming?

dont invite them as much or as early if she is hyper dont try and bath her let her go to bed they are her grandparents and they love to be around her, not sure what you expect them to do I know her being cranky isnt fun for you but maybe change the routine a wee bit so she can see them , without sound a bit meh a lot of Gp dont give a flying wotsit about their grandbabies

if they live not far get thm to bath her before you take her home they might enjoy her meltdowns